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AIBU?

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Original poster

Leaving toddler in car

371 replies

rabbitsdontlayeggs · 03/12/2017 10:38

Please settle this disagreement for me and my DH!

Leaving toddler (20 months) in the car while you go and pay for petrol. Would you do it? I would not (unless I was using pay at the pump, then I wouldn't get her out as I'd be stood right next to the car) but DH says he would and has. I'm horrified that he's left her and have said I really don't want him to do that again, he thinks I am ridiculous and 'it's only for two minutes'.

Who is UR?

OP posts:
Waterdropsdown · 03/12/2017 21:22

I’ve never struggled to find pay at pump where I live, where my parents live and the ILs (we live hundreds of miles from both). I just phoned around to make sure. I’ve found most supermarket petrol stations have the facility.

And yes of course I leave my children in their bedrooms not really the same. I wouldn’t even say I’m an over cautious mother but it does not sit right with me to leave them in the car alone with no adult. Husband agrees.

Would people pop into a normal shop if parked directly outside? Like to buy say a newspaper or pint of milk. I actually try to avoid using the car when I’m on my own with the twins cos it’s such a pain putting them in the buggy to get to the car etc.

honeyravioli · 03/12/2017 21:26

Would people pop into a normal shop if parked directly outside? Like to buy say a newspaper or pint of milk

Yes, of course. Why wouldn't I?

The thing is, you can do as you choose, it's no-ones business. But you do need to understand that your risk assessments are nonsensical and you are in no way inherently safer than people who do the opposite.

flingingmelon · 03/12/2017 21:26

When did you last see a car at the petrol station being stolen / going on fire / being hit etc etc?

When did you last see someone berating a small child for trying to run off in a car park, or some idiot pulling out too close to a pedestrian in a petrol station because they didn't look properly?

Your toddler is almost definitely safer in the car.

iamyourequal · 03/12/2017 21:27

Yabu. Your husband is being sensible.

mummy2oneandtwo · 03/12/2017 21:29

So I’m supposed to get my just turned 2 year old twins out of the car to pay for petrol?

Make one stand still on a dangerous forecourt while I get the other one out, walk across the forecourt with both of them, pay, get one back in the car while one stands by the car, hopefully staying still and right by me, then get the other one in....wow....ok Hmm

feral · 03/12/2017 21:31

I always tried to go to pay at pump but if I hadn't planned too well then I'd just make sure I parked where I could easily see the car from window of garage. Now he's nearly 5 he WANTS to stay in the car.

MedicinalGin · 03/12/2017 21:34

I leave mine but that’s because I can see them from the shop so if anything looked likely to kick off, I could get back to them. I think they would be at far greater risk if I were to haul them across the busy forecourt full of flammable fossil fuels and moving vehicles 😬😱

oldlaundbooth · 03/12/2017 21:39

I'd leave her in the car.

Waterdropsdown · 03/12/2017 21:41

Today my husband went out in the car while I stayed home as my twins were napping. I actually said to him to check the fuel and if it’s below half to go fill it up while he’s out cos he knows it makes sense for an adult to do this while alone. It doesn’t take much planning to get fuel while not alone with kids. Sometimes I’ll go in the evening on my own. I’ve actually never taken them out the car at the petrol station and never left them in the car to go into the petrol station shop.

honeyravioli · 03/12/2017 21:46

t cos he knows it makes sense for an adult to do this while alone. It doesn’t take much planning to get fuel while not alone with kids

But it doesn't make sense and you don't need to do any planning. You need fuel you get it.

I've been leaving kids in the car while I get petrol for 15 years. You know what has ever happened to them? Nothing. Same as everyone else. Nothing happens. It isn't a risk.
Your choice not to, but there isn't any sensible reason you shouldn't.

ememem84 · 03/12/2017 21:47

I asked a friend earlier what she did when her dd was younger. She took her out the car but put her into the baby carrier. Then into shop to pay. Then back out of carrier.

I said earlier on the thread I try and go to a different petrol station if I’m in my own - one where the man comes out.

If I was to take ds in with me though I’d carry him in his car seat. He’s 10 weeks so fairly portable. I don’t like the idea of doing it though. He’s heavy. Neither do I want to leave him in the car.

Friend did tell me about pay at pump station. I didn’t know they existed here (jersey). So that solves a lot of potential issues.

frogsoup · 03/12/2017 22:44

I must say I'm still agog at the idea of thinking you need to take a 9yo with you when you pay for petrol. My eldest of a similar age walks to school unaccompanied, if I dragged her out of the car to pay for petrol with me she'd think I'd taken leave of my senses.

TrinitySquirrel · 03/12/2017 22:46

You child is safer in the locked car in full view for what, 4 minutes maximum if there's a huge queue?

I'd rather the car was hit with them safe in their seat than with me and my toddler trying to wrangle them out of the car.

Get a grip.

StarWarsFanatic · 03/12/2017 22:47

Have worked in a petrol station. Loads of people do it and I mean loads. Some people also pretend they have done it as an excuse to queue jump. Hmm

I think my dad used to do it with us. I have had a go at relatives for doing it. I am really paranoid and always think of worst case scenarios. I have run out to the car to watch Ns while family member came in to pay when they wouldn't listen.

I would try to fuel when didn't have the little one with me but not always possible I understand.

riceandpeas123 · 03/12/2017 22:50

I've taken mine in (7m DS) but if I'm totally honest it's because I'm paranoid about someone calling childline because I've left the baby in the car Confused

StarWarsFanatic · 03/12/2017 22:52

Also I was waiting in the car while my mum ran into the shop when I was about 10 or something and an ice cream van hit the car & didn't stop.

frogsoup · 03/12/2017 23:06

But starters but there are equally worst case scenarios with them out of the car rather than in it! Petrol stations get held up (ok about as likely as the mythical car on fire, but if you are talking worst case scenarios!), children run away or get squished by cars or crushed by falling cadburys chocolate stands etc. What do you think it is about your presence that keeps them magically safe from harm?

BeALert · 03/12/2017 23:18

being in a garage working where a man came onto the forecourt with a gun and armed place had to come & arrest the man these personal experiences are why i make the decision I do when anywhere with my DC

When I last lived in the UK the corner shop on my street was twice held up by armed robbers.

According to your logic my children would have been safer outside.

Ceebs85 · 03/12/2017 23:18

Leave them in thr car. Ive a 3 month old. Much safer in the car than being lugged across past moving cars. Ive never seen anyone take a child in, nor do I know anyone who does this.

angelikacpickles · 03/12/2017 23:20

YABU

poooooooop · 03/12/2017 23:23

Pfb by any chance?.... most people have a 2-4yr age gap between children. I wouldn't want to carry a 1yr old and 3yr old across a busy forecourt

StarWarsFanatic · 03/12/2017 23:33

frogsoup I have never seen a petrol station be held up or a pedestrian be hit by a car but I have seen cars hit parked cars or cars on the forecourt. I have also seen people light cigarettes on the forecourt, try to jump-start cars etc. I have seen people forget to put their handbrakes on, and one instance where a child has taken on the handbrake while a parent was fuelling. My primary concern whenever I am in a petrol station is fire/explosion. That concern is drummed into you as part of the 'competent person' training that comes when you work in one.

I would be weary of taking a child onto the forecourt in the first place because of my concern about fire safety. I would also be concerned about choking etc. I am not saying it is rational and I know you can't watch them all the time but I also know that in any emergency response time matters.

The relative I had the argument (use the term loosely) with had a very young infant. Who was premature. Also said child's siblings had, at a similar age, stopped breathing with no explanation (all are thankfully okay). I am aware that infant car seats do not offer the best breathing position for children and that is why it is advisable to not have young children in car seats for any length of time.

I am merely offering my opinion on the matter. As I said, I was about ten when a vehicle hit the parked car I was in on my own. I don't blame my mum, if I had a child the same age I may do the same.

As with everything in life, it is all about balance. From my experience I would try not to bring a child to a petrol station, if I did I would try to pay at the pump. If that wasn't working for example I would weigh up the pros and cons of each. If I was near the door, paying cash, and there was no queue I may leave a young child unattended briefly in a locked vehicle. If I was at the back or there was a queue I would probably try to park near the kiosk (most near me seem to have parking spaces near the door) and take the child in with me.

Sunbeam18 · 03/12/2017 23:43

If you worry about a car hitting your car with your child in it at a petrol station then doesn't it follow that you should be equally worried every time your child is ever in a car ? Why would they be more likely to be in an accident parked in the forecourt of a petrol station?

KimchiLaLa · 03/12/2017 23:46

Pay at pump?

IckyPop · 03/12/2017 23:54

I would go out of my way to a pay at the pump or Asda petroleum station when my son was a baby. Still prefer to now (he's 4).

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