To not want Dh "checking" my phone?

[DontTouchTheCharredCrotch]

I don't really use it tbf as I mostly rely on my iPod for most things I do (Skype/FaceTime/mn) but i do use it most weeks for something or other...
It's just a basic phone that can just about access the internet after a 5 minute fight with it. It's left on my desk and I plug/unplug it periodically (don't leave it on constantly due to risk of fire). I check it at least once a day while doing this.

Dh started checking it when we were awaiting our foxtel broadband box being delivered, the tracking notification went to my phone. I was ok with that but found it odd that he did so without asking.
He's also accessed my iPod, once, to change the settings on an app. I didn't ask him to he just took it upon himself to do it. After doing so he kept asking questions about stuff like
"Who's John" "whys he messaged you on kik" (to ask me about something work related. Which Dh probably saw). Since then I've put a passcode on my iPod. It's an iPod
Touch, so similar to an iPhone but can't actually make SIM card/normal calls with it.
I have nothing to hide but detest people going through my things. Be it my underwear draw, phone, laptop or a random box of stuff, if it's mine then hands off it. Dh is similar.
Back onto the phone. He keeps checking it,
Almost daily I'll see him picking it up. He saw a text preview on it earlier and has since been asking me "who's Tyler" "whys he messaging you" that would be because I asked him to (he's a landscaper and the text was something like "hi Don't, it's Tyler from y company, do you still need x job doing?", nothing remotely personal!).
I don't like it, but Dh keeps insisting he does it in case I "miss something important". It makes me very uncomfortable and I'm feeling like it's a bit possessive.
Am I being weird or is he being out of order?
Thanks in advance

I don't think he can do find my iPhone or whatever it's called with an iPod, maybe I'm being stupid but he doesn't have any apple devices anyway and I thought you had to either have the iCloud account password or another Apple device to do that? He doesn't have either.

Every time he checks your phone ask for his to go through.

Him doing this because you don’t respond immediately to a message is another form of control. He doesn’t care that you may be busy doing something and will get back to him later, because nothing you could be doing is of any significance when he wants your attention.

That is controlling behaviour. As someone else said, this is in his nature. You didn’t stand for the financial control so he has moved on to something else he can use to bring you into line and keep you under control.

Yes, he's being controlling again.

When he gets back tonight, or whenever you next see him, ask for his phone. Say you're going to check it for him like he does to you. If he refuses (which is very, very likely - he'll probably tell you he 'doesn't miss things') you should tell him one of two things:

1. You have double standards for the two of us. That's not on and this relationship is over.
2. You have double standards for the two of us. That's not on and if you ever attempt to look at my phone again, or complain about not being allowed to, this relationship is over.

I think 1) would be better as he's very set on this behaviour. But it really has to be one or the other.

He has stopped doing it now after we had an argument about it, but I'm not in a position to leave.
The financial stuff was years ago. He's been ok since, up until very recently with my iPod/phone. There's been nothing else in that time. So I don't think it's as simple to say that he's gone from one to the other as there is years between them... I think something has triggered it and he's tried to be controlling again... as I said though he's stopped now.
Thanks all, though. The advice here is invaluable.

Have you had your phone checked? Could he have installed spyware when he was fiddling with the apps?

Hi DontTouchTheCharredCrotch

It sounds to me like you know exactly how to deal with his controlling ways . Please ignore all those telling you , 'you must leave. I see absolutely no reason why you would do that. !

As you have clearly said it is not something you would consider.
I think some posters have a hard time distinguishing between OPs who are being controlled and partners who like to try and be controlling.

If it is the former then of course all encouragement should be given to leave and start a new healthy independent life. However if it is simply a character trait of your partner that causes a minor irritation- and one that you are quite able to slap down and put back in his box - causing you no further impact, then I agree with you. It's done and sorted.

I often despair of some posters on MN who jump to telling people to leave their husbands at the slightest character flaw. Without apparently realising that there are real lives, with children at stake here and whilst MN is at its very best when providing support and encouragement to women at risk , telling a woman like you - who is obviously in complete control of your independence and perfectly able to tell your partner to cease their stupid behaviour- is not someone who requires handholding to exit a difficult relationship.
Just a bit too much projection sometimes.
Well done for sorting it out.