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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think MIL joke isn't funny

150 replies

KarOp690 · 03/12/2017 00:24

Had a day out whereby I had to get a train with my 6 month old baby and some friends. On the way home, the trains were delayed and were cancelled going to my stop. They stopped at the second to last before mine which is my MILs town. I called her up to ask if it would be possible please that she could pick me and LO up and drop us home as our train wasn't going to my stop and she has a car seat in her car so seemed like a logical explanation. She said yep no problem, dropped us home and that was that. Since then she's text OH along the lines of "if you don't watch out I'm going to have that baby off you. I've called social services 😜" apparently as a joke. All because I've asked her to pick me up from the station in the evening I'm now apparently a case for social services? OH replies with "Very funny mum! Shut up" (in a jokey way) to which she's relied "no you shut up. Im gonna have that baby!!"
AIBU to think this joke is not funny in the slightest and to be actually pissed off she thinks it's appropriate to joke about?

OP posts:
thecatfromjapan · 03/12/2017 08:15

Maybe she's just saying your baby is so cute, she might turn into a baby-thief?

Not side-splitting but jokes don't often translate well into text (that's why I'm always impressed by witty MN-ers).

She's clearly a fairly OK person - she picked you up from the station; my dh wouldn't have done that for me (he's very curmudgeonly) - so I'd look at over-all context and chill about this.

Floisme · 03/12/2017 08:19

So she does a kind thing and all you can do is complain about her - yes I agree - poor taste joke?

Normally I would assume there was a back story coming but there can't be because if she had form for this kind of thing, you wouldn't be asking her to do you favours, would you?

ReturnOfTheMackYesItIs · 03/12/2017 08:22

You can't think she's that bad if you're happy to call her to come out at 8pm on a winters night because you apparently couldn't call a taxi/have your friends drop you off/have her son pick you up.

Jasminedes · 03/12/2017 08:25

You’re being over sensistive. She’s just bigging herself up because she was able to do you a favour.

Lethaldrizzle · 03/12/2017 08:26

I would never ask her for a favour again. I would also bring it up in conversation one day, but keep it quite light and jokey. Ie. 'Thanks for helping me out the other night but a little confused about the social services text' (you daft old bat!).

LumpySpaceCow · 03/12/2017 08:30

I don't see it as a joke. I thought it came across as MIL trying to express how much she loves your baby I.e. She wants her all to herself. Very much in the way that I might say to my baby 'i could eat you all up'....I don't actually want to eat my baby - I just find him utterly scrumptious!
Texts can be misinterpreted. I personally wouldn't be offended.

Nikephorus · 03/12/2017 08:30

Dear gods, are people really so sensitive? It was meant as a joke. So you didn't find it funny? That's life, it's called different senses of humour. She sounds perfectly nice coming out to pick you up & deliver you, but you feel the need to post on Mumsnet about her?!Hmm

Lweji · 03/12/2017 08:47

She's not bigging herself up. She's putting the OP down. Totally different.

Kr1st1na · 03/12/2017 08:47

It’s only a joke if everyone is laughing. The OP isn’t laughing . The 70,000 kids in care in the UK are not laughing. Neither are the dozens of women I know who have lost their kids.

It’s a nasty passive aggressive comment.

OP now you know what your MIL is like. Don’t ask her for any favours again.

Be careful how much contact she has with your child. Because anyone who wants to have a child removed from their loving parents does not have that child’s best interest at heart. They have another agenda altogether.

Lweji · 03/12/2017 08:49

Btw, some people are very happy to do favours only to show how great and indispensable they are. It doesn't make them good people.

namechange2222 · 03/12/2017 08:50

I don't think this sounds like a joke. It would be interesting just to ask MIL straight 'Are you upset by something MIL?'
She's clearly upset that her Grandchild was out ( in her opinion) late in the evening, particularly in cold weather.
She's being PA, call her out on it or you may find this sort of comment becomes common place each time she sees something she doesnt approve of

SaucyJack · 03/12/2017 08:51

Why would she need to big herself up anyway? She did the OP a nice favour. I assume the OP said thanks in return. End of story.

Be very wary of people who think that doing something for you gives them power to hold it over you, and make unpleasant remarks.

It's not what kind people do.

Skarossinkplunger · 03/12/2017 08:53

It was a joke! I’m a child protection social worker and people joke about telling me stuff all the time.

My friends 9 year old did it the other day. She was trying to get her to bed and she yelled “That’s it Mum, I’m calling Skarossinkpkunger!”

insideoutsider · 03/12/2017 08:55

IMO
Mother in-law is indirectly saying that you are irresponsible for being out with the baby at that time with no means to get home except ringing her - like you would do as a teenager. She softened it by saying it as a joke. Ha-Ha.
That's what I would think.

Next time, just call a cab.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 03/12/2017 08:56

I think it was a passive aggressive way of her saying that she thought you were out too late with the baby but tried to dress it up that she loves it and that’s why she’ll steal it. Sorry for calling baby it btw not sure if it’s a boy or a girl.

Lweji · 03/12/2017 08:56

The thing is that if I had been in MIL's position SS wouldn't even cross my mind after doing that favour. I'd have been feeling sorry for the OP.
See the difference?

Moussemoose · 03/12/2017 08:59

I assume you thanked her for putting herself out - you don't mention that in your OP.
You don't mention how grateful you are she dropped whatever she was doing to help you.
You don't mention if your DH thanked his mother.
You don't mention if you offered to pay for the petrol.
Can we assume she helps you a lot because she has a baby seat in the car?

From this evidence you are an ungrateful brat with no sense of humour. Or we could think that posts like texts are easy to misunderstand.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 03/12/2017 08:59

I don’t think it would have crossed the MILs mind in reality. She wasn’t going to really ring them. Unless the OP was drunk with a black eye and missing shoes and has chosen to miss that part out.

Joking OP.

CoffeeBreakIn5 · 03/12/2017 09:00

She was joking, she loves the baby and knows you are a lovely mum. Don't sweat the small stuff!

DeadGood · 03/12/2017 09:00

Great post atrocious

thecatfromjapan · 03/12/2017 09:03

This is one of those threads when I think that MN can be slightly worrying.

The anecdote has very little context. The OP is asking the advice of people she doesn't know at all, don't know her, and have no direct experience of the context. What's more, MN has changed from being conversational, to somewhere that people post a fairly brief 'belief-statement', based on their own life experiences, rather than a more questioning, tentative 'maybe this, maybe that, could it be ...?' sort of response - which tends to lead to quite extreme, black/white responses.

Seriously, to those of you recommending OP reduces contact with her MiL over this rather flat-footed response - is that really a way to live your life with other people?

It's a very zero-sum way to live. People are not one-dimensional, nor are they easily split into two groups, 'good' and 'bad'. They are often capable of altruism, selfishness, a range of actions and thoughts that slide between these two extremes, being funny, being unkind, being on your side, not being on your side, being unintentionally cruel and kind, being intentionally cruel and kind - all within the space of a day.

Moreover, learning to negotiate with people, accept the variability and indeterminacy, work with virtues and flaws, live with the non-binariness of people (especially those with whom you are in intimate contact) is part of being a wholly rounded adult and fully-functioning human.

MiL is - let's be honest - very unlikely to be one of those people who actually maliciously reports OP to Social Services. It is very unlikely that she is actually planning to report OP and steal her baby. For a start, that behaviour would be indicative of an unstable personality - which is, for the majority of us, quite rare. To repeat, it is statistically rare. It really is. To read that into this OP is a. projecting a difficult situation in one's own life onto a completely incomparable situation b. utterly unhelpful to OP.

Counselling a decreased amount of contact with the MiL is perhaps not the wisest of counsel. And I would suggest it is a mis-reading of the OP's original post. Clearly, the OP has a relationship with MiL where she can call her, in the late evening, and expect MiL to help. That's quite a good relationship. It really is.

To over-read the second part of the OP - the joke bit and the OP's distress at the interpretation of the joke - is to miss a good bit of context. It really might not be the best course of action to go completely hard-core and over-focus on that, at the expense of the MiL's other actions (the willingess to be there for OP and grandchild).

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 03/12/2017 09:04

Spot on there Cat.

Desmondo2016 · 03/12/2017 09:08

Some people must go through life permanently wound up, cutting people out of their lives regularly and feeling hard done by and pissed off at every opportunity. How stressful those lives must be!

AdelicaArundel · 03/12/2017 09:12

@thecatfromjapan..

and lo! the voice of reason has arrived to the thread.

Moussemoose · 03/12/2017 09:14

Desmondo2016

Someone does you a favour and you don't count your blessings that they were there to help you but complain about a text.
Then others encourage you to join in kicking someone who stopped what they were doing, drove to the station, picked you up, drove you home and then had to drive themselves home. The total bitch!

I'm amazed by the efforts some people go to to feel sad.

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