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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think MIL joke isn't funny

150 replies

KarOp690 · 03/12/2017 00:24

Had a day out whereby I had to get a train with my 6 month old baby and some friends. On the way home, the trains were delayed and were cancelled going to my stop. They stopped at the second to last before mine which is my MILs town. I called her up to ask if it would be possible please that she could pick me and LO up and drop us home as our train wasn't going to my stop and she has a car seat in her car so seemed like a logical explanation. She said yep no problem, dropped us home and that was that. Since then she's text OH along the lines of "if you don't watch out I'm going to have that baby off you. I've called social services 😜" apparently as a joke. All because I've asked her to pick me up from the station in the evening I'm now apparently a case for social services? OH replies with "Very funny mum! Shut up" (in a jokey way) to which she's relied "no you shut up. Im gonna have that baby!!"
AIBU to think this joke is not funny in the slightest and to be actually pissed off she thinks it's appropriate to joke about?

OP posts:
EasterRobin · 03/12/2017 05:56

I get that it's a joke, but it would make me feel uncomfortable if my MIL said it. It's not normal to joke about someone losing their baby.

It would be fine to say that sort of joke to her friends, but it's very different to say it to the parents.

Melony6 · 03/12/2017 06:00

Tell DH not to tell you unpleasant things that your MIL has said. He didn't need to repeat it.

MsHopey · 03/12/2017 06:11

I think people just say weird shit and you kind of have to ignore it to keep the relationship.
I love my nan to bits, she always does lots for me and my family and she's pretty amazing. I visit her at least once a week with for 4 and a half month old, and every visit, without fail, she's mentioned that of something was to happen to me now my baby wouldn't miss me or remember me because he's too young. That's weird, right? Every single visit, every single week. But I just laugh because it's easier than getting into a big thing about it, especially as i know she loves me. But why she keeps bringing it up, I'll never know.

HotelEuphoria · 03/12/2017 06:26

Of course it was a joke and it was by text, so texts, depending on the writer can be massively misread. If she had geneuinely been worried she would called him. Forget it.

Pengggwn · 03/12/2017 06:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GaryBarlowsTaxReturn · 03/12/2017 06:46

You are being majorly over sensitive. She's trying to make a joke. It's not funny, but I don't think she means any harm by it, unless there's back story of her saying inappropriate things to you!

claraschu · 03/12/2017 07:11

My daughter jokes she is going to call child line if I tell her she can't have more ice cream. Should I get all offended at that because there are real kids with problems, and it's not something to joke about? or should I be upset that she is criticising my parenting?

I think a mother can say something stupid to her son and he can tell her to shut up, if that is the dynamic of their relationship. I think it is very sad for you to get huffy about this, unless there is a big back story.

OP you are lucky to have a MIL who loves your child, and goes out of her way to help you out, without grumbling to you about it.

NotAgainYoda · 03/12/2017 07:15

It's a bit crass. You are obviously sensitive about it. I would be a bit Hmm too.

But you seem to have a good enough relationship that you can ask for help and she gives it, so I'd let it go and don't let it sour it

HappyFeetAgain · 03/12/2017 07:16

Yanbu what is to joke about there? She's telling you how here mind is working and calculating her moves. Calling SS isn't something to joke about.

NotAgainYoda · 03/12/2017 07:19

I also agree with people who say it could be a dig at you. I suppose you just have to take it in the context of your relationship as a whole.
Tricky one

InfiniteSheldon · 03/12/2017 07:26

It's a joke you are being majorly over sensitive, she did a nice thing at short notice get over yourself.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 03/12/2017 07:30

Silly woman.

AtrociousCircumstance · 03/12/2017 07:32

The joke was so unrelated to what actually happened (problems with a train) that it kind of feels as if she was just waiting to make that joke, and decided to use the situation to do so.

It’s a joke which says: I am entitled to judge your behaviour. It also says, don’t call on me for help, I will judge you for it, and you can’t trust me.

A scenario where your baby is taken away is not funny.

It’s like if someone you’re close to suddenly made a lame unrelated joke about smashing your face in with a sledgehammer. You would know they weren’t going to, but the image would still be violent, motivated by their hidden anger, and it would not be funny.

I hate the “it’s just a joke!” brigade. Jokes can be used with malice and as an excuse to express latent aggression.

That said, if it’s a one off, just ignore it for now. But get a taxi next time. She has shattered your trust a bit and she needs to win it back.

Or joke back: “wow with a comment like that you’re going to be an estranged grandparent and die alone in a nursing home!’

Except don’t, obviously, because that’s also a cruel unfunny ‘joke’.

Footle · 03/12/2017 07:32

MsHopey, your Nan is talking rubbish anyway. Your baby doesn't have language yet but if 'something happened' to you, she would miss you deeply and forever.

Allthetuppences · 03/12/2017 07:39

It's a vicious joke isn't it? The core of which implies she believes she would be a better gaurdian in the eyes of SS. If she makes it again you could either tell her it's really off key OR make some dig about someone else being more suitable.
She doesn't sound very funny. I'd definitely never ask her for a lift again.

Guavaf1sh · 03/12/2017 07:42

I agree with those saying you're being oversensitive. It's a joke. Some mumsnetters could make any statement offensive, particularly if it came from a mother in law, and take great pride in taking offence with wild unjustified extrapolation

whoareyoukidding · 03/12/2017 07:54

The woman is an idiot. I wouldn't ask her for a favour ever again.

Justadh · 03/12/2017 07:56

Next time I would go back with something which would cut the Idea off.

Does she smoke? If so, she'll not have an under 13 placed with her.
Does she have a house with a spare room? If not, she'll never have a child placed.
Is her financial situation stable?
Does she associate (romantically) with anyone? They'll need to be vetted.
Is she physically capable of looking after a tiny tot?
Does she have a high BMI?

As in I'd say something like SS will never place with you because........any of the above.

And as for "it's a joke", yep fine a joke. If someone were to call a black person a Ni**er and then say, "oh sorry it was a joke" people will say "oh yeah I can see it was a joke, fair enough" Yeah right!!!!

Claiming something is a joke doesn't excuse the offensive nature of what's said!!

If your husband constantly calls you fat and ugly then when you question him about it he says "I'm only joking" would you just forgive his harsh and horrible comments????

millsbynight · 03/12/2017 08:00

Your MIL made an attempt at humour which failed. I wouldn’t read too much in to it other than that.

MrsPicklesonSmythe · 03/12/2017 08:03

Unless there's a massive backstory then I think you need to get a grip. I joke about stealing my friends cute babies for snuggles all the time, most people I know do. Christ, you can be offended by anything if you try hard enough!

drquin · 03/12/2017 08:04

I'd take it in context to the wider relationship you have with her.
If you have an otherwise good relationship with her - move on & forget it. We can all have different senses of humour, without being wrong.

If it's another sign of a poor relationship, don't engage.

I've given up trying to "joke" with my mother on text as she fails to get any humour / sarcasm etc in text. In fairness, there's a responsibility on reader AND writer. So it's all just quite factual now.

Desmondo2016 · 03/12/2017 08:05

Chill. It's annoying and unfunny but was probably not meant to cause offence or harm so let it go. Honeslty my dad makes the most meaningless and unfunny jokes all the time and they just have to be water off a ducks back else everyone would fall out all the time and we all love him really and he has a heart of gold.

SaucyJack · 03/12/2017 08:11

It isn't a joke. Jokes are funny.

It's a dig at your parenting (quite why it's your fault the trains were cancelled is anyone's guess.

I wouldn't bother asking her for help again.

plimsolls · 03/12/2017 08:11

At worst, it’s just a passive aggressive dig at you for ending up with no way to get home with the baby.

I wouldn’t stew on it too much. If she keeps on with that style of needling then I’d be tempted to make a similar ‘lighthearted’ dig back about “what service could I report a cheeky grandma to?” Or something similar.

Lweji · 03/12/2017 08:14

I'm more on this side:

The woman is an idiot. I wouldn't ask her for a favour ever again.

It's a joke at your expense.
And people tend to think what they say as a joke.
With all the shut ups it's both of them that seem like children in need of parental supervision.
She doesn't seem kind, on the contrary.

I'd be surprised if this was the only issue.

And I'm a very jokey person.

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