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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fed up of people telling me how dangerous......

300 replies

starshaker · 02/12/2017 17:40

riding a motorbike is. I am aware of the dangers and risks. I came off a few weeks ago during a lesson and i was ok because of the gear I wear. Since then all people tell me is how dangerous it is and how selfish I am when I have kids.

If finally found something I love to do and I bought a little 125 to gain experience and confidence before I go to try for my full license again.

I wrote my first car off and was told not to give up and the best thing I could do was get straight back out before the fear took hold. I hurt myself more in the car than I did on the bike

OP posts:
Copperkettles · 03/12/2017 08:08

I completely sympathise with wanting to ride but have you tried other hobbies to give you the same rush with a little less risk? Mountain biking or dancing or skate boarding or hiking? You might be surprised by how much they help too. All are renowned for giving you abig rush and being great for mental health.

Original poster
starshaker · 03/12/2017 08:37

All those require a level of fitness that i dont have.I had surgery at the start of the year to sort my stomach muscles. It didnt work and has left unable to do lots of things already.

Like I said a will for me is pointless, I dont have friends and i dont have family who would look after my kids.

OP posts:
PerfectlyDone · 03/12/2017 08:41

starshaker, I really am not qualified to advise but check on the will front.
Presumably, if the worst were to happen you'd want to leave everything you own to your kids, yes? I don't know whether having a will would protect them against tax demands?? Confused
No idea, but I'd seek some advice.

Original poster
starshaker · 03/12/2017 08:43

I dont have anything to leave. They would get all the stuff anyway because there isn't anybody else

OP posts:
ReturnOfTheMackYesItIs · 03/12/2017 08:55

Did you really think people were going to come on and tell you that it isn't dangerous and be supportive?

Come on OP, if you've really been on MN for 13 years you know what MN and particularly AIBU is all about.

Original poster
starshaker · 03/12/2017 09:02

I never asked if it was dangerous or risky, I asked if IWBU to be fed up of being told it was when I already know the risks.

OP posts:
papayasareyum · 03/12/2017 09:06

my brother in law was killed in a motorbike accident and an ex partner of mine is missing a right arm because of a motorbike accident. In both incidents, they wouldn’t have died/been so badly injured in a car. Bikes make you so so vulnerable.

AJPTaylor · 03/12/2017 09:07

Yabu to be fed up at people telling you about the risks.
Your chance of death or serious injury is much higher on a motorbike.
You have no one to step in and parent your kids if something happens to you and no life insurance.
So if you are too injured to look after them or dead they go into care.

Radicalrooster · 03/12/2017 09:09

I'd rather ride a motorbike than a horse. Figured show an average of 7500 hrs on a bike before a serious injury results, compared to around 350 hrs for those riding a horse. And yes, fatalities are greater for bikers but living the rest of your life paralysed from the neck down would be as bad imo.

www.bbc.co.uk/pressoffice/pressreleases/stories/2007/03_march/23/riding.shtml

dementedma · 03/12/2017 09:14

I think cyclists are more at risk than motorcyclists. In a collision with a bigger, heavier, faster vehicle (car etc) at least a motorcyclist will generally be wearing leathers, boots and a helmet and will have had to have passed a test to be on the road. Any fool can, and does, get on a bike not wear a helmet and in just ordinary clothes set off happily into traffic. Often with small vulnerable children strapped to the back or being towed behind at exhaust fume level. Now there's stupid and selfish for you!

LondonGirl83 · 03/12/2017 09:17

OP- I think it's normal for people to tell you it's risky as most parents wouldn't take those sort of risks for a hobby.

For you riding isn't just a hobby it's helping you deal with suicidal urges which of course makes the RELATIVE risks very different. However the people warning you are likely unaware about risings therapeutic value for you specifically so YABU to get annoyed.

I'm glad you've sorted some insurance and it's worth getting a will so the person charged with executing your estate if you should die know how you want the money spent - a trust would be a good start

YesThisIsMe · 03/12/2017 09:17

Yes your children would inherit everything in the event of your death intestate, but you should think about who you’d want to be your executor otherwise it will be a muddle deciding who should sort out your bank accounts etc. You say that the father of one of your children is still around and would take that child in the event of your death. How reliable is he? Would he be a suitable executor? Would he even be a suitable person to care for your other children so they could stay together? (a life insurance policy for the children’s benefit would mean that their care wasn’t too much of a financial imposition - that’s a really important benefit).

Do you have reliable relatives who’d be good trustees/executors even if they couldn’t have the children to live with them?

ButchyRestingFace · 03/12/2017 09:18

I dont have friends and i dont have family who would look after my kids.

Starshaker, if you don’t have friends or family, who are all the people that you refer to in the OP nagging you about riding a bike?

Is it your kids?

Or do you have some family involvement, but just not family who’d be able to care for kids in the event of your death?

Original poster
starshaker · 03/12/2017 09:21

No I dont have relatives that give a shit really. I could vanish off the face of the earth tomorrow and they probably wouldn't even notice. DD1s dad is useless and couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery.

I was talking to other women who ride and we got onto the subject of insurance. I probably cant even get it because of my history.

OP posts:
YesThisIsMe · 03/12/2017 09:24

You might think that demented but the stats say otherwise. Mile for mile you are somewhat more likely to be injured on a motorbike than a pushbike but far far more likely to die. It’s about speed.

to be fed up of people telling me how dangerous......
Original poster
starshaker · 03/12/2017 09:27

if you don’t have friends or family, who are all the people that you refer to in the OP nagging you about riding a bike?

Its random people who don't even know me. Parents at the school gate. Some family.

My kids love that I ride

OP posts:
TheOriginalMagratGarlik · 03/12/2017 09:30

Part of the answer should be making drivers more aware of the dangers they present to motorcyclists. Collisions are not a "normal" part of being on the road, they are caused by careless, inattentive or downright dangerous road users. Surrounding yourself with an ever larger metal cage to protect yourself only presents a bigger risk to other road users outside that cage, what so they should get a bigger cage too? Where does that stop?

Statistics also show that despite increased safety features in cars, road deaths have been fairly constant for many years now because a result of increased safety features is that people take bigger risks (to the detriment of road users outside their vehicle). In other words, even though fatalities of occupants of cars have gone down, fatalities of motorcyclists, pedal cyclists, pedestrians etc has risen proportionally. There should be more training for drivers to have a duty of care towards more vulnerable road users instead of making the driving test ever easier and allowing drivers to drive any size car they want regardless of the risk that car poses to others.

Slartybartfast · 03/12/2017 09:31

why are you on AIBU?
ok so you are fed up with the criticisms.
may be people at the school gate dont care about you but they certainly care and worry about your dc

ButchyRestingFace · 03/12/2017 09:39

No I dont have relatives that give a shit really. I could vanish off the face of the earth tomorrow and they probably wouldn't even notice. DD1s dad is useless and couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery.

Okay, so it’s parents at the school gates. Well, you’re not obliged to discuss it with them.

But I don’t really understand how random parents know that you’re riding a bike - presumably you’re not pitching up at the school gates with your kids on the back of the bike?

As for your family being involved and/or useless, doesn’t this terrify you about what would happen to your kids should you die on the bike?

On here, seem very casual and lethargic about your own life and what would happen to your kids so it’s possible that is coming across to the people you encounter in real life.

ButchyRestingFace · 03/12/2017 09:40

*NOT being involved

Slartybartfast · 03/12/2017 09:40

this risk taking hobby is probably related to your mental health op. are you sure your shrink genuinely thinks it is a good idea?

be sensible about providing for your offspring. as i see you are trying to do with life insurance but there is more than that needed. the dc physically need you

DontbouncelikeIdid · 03/12/2017 09:40

I was all ready to come on here and say YABU, as it seems so dangerous. I then had a quick google and it seems horse riding is actually more dangerous. I have absolutely no plans to give that up! If you have found something that helps with your mental health it has to be a positive thing despite the risks.

YesThisIsMe · 03/12/2017 09:43

Do you have a link to those statistics Magrat. Because that’s not what I’m aware of. AFAIK casualties have fallen for vulnerable users as well as car occupants, though not as fast. Euro NCAP safety ratings now include pedestrian impact, brakes are better and compliance with speed and drink driving laws has improved.

to be fed up of people telling me how dangerous......
ThatsNotAKnifeThatsASpoon · 03/12/2017 09:43

Just to clarify OP, do you have motor insurance? I wasn't sure from something you said a few posts ago.

Whinesalot · 03/12/2017 09:47

I guess you've weighed up the risks between the danger of your mental health and the danger of making your children orphans. I can't say I support your decision however I can see why you've chosen this option. I think what others say about the dangers does bother you though or you wouldn't worry about what they say. You would just shrug the comments off.

Please look into other ways of getting this rush. You sound lonely and isolated. May be joining clubs where you get more social interaction might plug this gap in your life. Volunteering will also get you out and about and could add some meaning to your life. There are lots of things you could volunteer for. Working outdoors in conservation, walking dogs, helping vulnerable folk, the opportunities are endless and could help improve your self worth in a non dangerous way.

Work on your mental health and then you might be able to give up the motorbiking.

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