to be fed up of people telling me how dangerous......

[starshaker]

riding a motorbike is. I am aware of the dangers and risks. I came off a few weeks ago during a lesson and i was ok because of the gear I wear. Since then all people tell me is how dangerous it is and how selfish I am when I have kids.

If finally found something I love to do and I bought a little 125 to gain experience and confidence before I go to try for my full license again.

I wrote my first car off and was told not to give up and the best thing I could do was get straight back out before the fear took hold. I hurt myself more in the car than I did on the bike

*I wonder if fathers get told they're selfish for riding motorbikes too....

They do. Regularly.*

this is true. my husband has two of the fastest motorbikes in the world. he goes out every weekend on his with a bikers group. over a year i would say there are maybe 5 serious crashes (both legs broken etc) and one/two deaths.

I hate it. my heart is in my mouth until he gets home every weekend.

many female friends say they "wouldn't let their husbands" ride a bike. when we are out socially many, many people, men and women, say he is elfish for doing it.

i haven't wanted to take that stand but i can't say i enjoy him having it as a hobby.

@soberexpat maybe rather than blame the bikes though your DH and his friends should look at how they ride?

I've been riding for 15 years and NO ONE in my group of biker friends has done anything more that drop a bike while stationary/slide off at low speed. Not one single injury.

5/6 crashes plus one death every year does not suggest the most sensible of riding to me, and that's what I'd be giving him a flea in his ear about.....

I agree with a lot of PPs that the danger is other road users, but the fact is the faster you are going when one of those other road users endangers you the more serious the outcome will be.

Can't always blame bikes - sometimes the rider has to take responsibility too.

venellopevonschweetz well my DH has been riding for 34 years and has never once fallen off.

he always says that those in the group who have accidents are inexperienced and not sensible and that he is the one who is...see zero accident record for evidence....

so what can i give him a flea in his ear about?

@soberexpat then no flea required

I was just meaning that people blame bikes when sometimes it's the rider too - sounds like your friends need fleas in ears to correct them about how he is fine on a bike being that he is a sensible rider and has a zero accident rate

venellopevonschweetz he may well have a zero accident record but we live overseas where the driving is awful.

i'm never going to stop worrying - to my mind, however good a rider you are you can't predict everything. and his idea of sensible is far from mine!!

i'm resigned to just accepting his hobby and praying he stays safe.

If I were him, I'd be rethinking my riding companions. I am a member of the IAM and go out riding with my local group regularly. Many members of the group are retired or current advanced police riders. The rides are often technically challenging and progressive, but anyone who was riding in an irresponsible or unsafe manner would very quickly be removed from the group. There are also systems we use to ensure that people do not have to try and "keep up" (a common cause of accidents is people riding beyond their capability). It's all about having fun but riding in such a way as to minimise the risk - having a good assessment of conditions, being aware of your surroundings all the time, being aware of your own capabilities, keeping the bike well maintained.

I wonder if those who think that riding is selfish chose their cars based on criteria such as safety for people outside the vehicle and environmental impact, or whether they look predominantly at safety for their passengers? I wonder if people are also aware of the large amount of charity work the biking community (though perhaps not the weekend warrior idiots) get involved in? Is that selfish too?

I think fathers only get told they’re selfish for engaging in dangerous hobbies on the very rare occasions when they are the sole reliable parent of dependant children.

Richard Hammond for example is treated as a loveable scamp. But that’s informed by our knowledge that if he had another crash and it was third time unlucky then his children have a loving reliable solvent mother there to care for them.
If Rio Ferdinand’s wife was still alive and well then his decision to take up boxing would be no big deal. As it is however I for one am hoicking my judgey pants.

The wider issue is that the OP is faced with a higher standard of responsibility and self-preservation because one man is chronically unreliable and another has buggered off (if he’s actually dead or unavoidably unwell then I apologise to him). It’s a fairly consistent pattern that single mothers get flack for being less than perfect parents, whilst men who haven’t made even the feeblest attempt at parenting get off scot free. “Ooh how dare she feed the kids on Turkey twizzlers and potato waffles!” whilst absent father has literally done nothing to feed his children for years.

Nearly 30 years ago I hit and killed a motorcyclist because he made a small error of judgement. It had an immense impact on my life for many years after. I imagine it devastated his family. He was just so vulnerable.

It's interesting that the OP is selfish because they ride a bike because it's dangerous because car drivers are too stupid to look properly and see them.

I think it's selfish to drive a car, not look properly and kill someone through your inattention. Some motorcyclists ride like absolute idiots, but I have to say that I think the quality of riding has improved by 1000% in the last 20 years or so and I assume that's because of tests and people just being a lot more aware that being on a motorbike is very risky.

OP, please make a will. The life insurance is less of an issue because you may not be able to afford it. But if you can please do.

i suspect of those commenting on here, the majority drive every day and variously text/make phone calls, look round to talk to their kids, drive after 3 hours sleep because their baby was ill or are just not very attentive because of a bad day at work.

In other contexts, people would call this victim blaming.

My DH rides everyday, I have a car he has a bike. It's more economical for us as a family and he enjoys it. It is a very large bike so he is probably more easily seen but he has the highest level driving certificate so he knows what he's doing. I would never call him selfish for doing this, far from it. I would worry more if he cycled. With both driving and riding it's about anticipating other people's actions and most of the time you can if you are driving properly yourself. Obviously accidents happen but they do in cars too.

I think fathers only get told they’re selfish for engaging in dangerous hobbies on the very rare occasions when they are the sole reliable parent of dependant children.

I don't think that's true. Celebrity fathers maybe. But I think most people would consider it irresponsible of a normal father to recklessly endanger his life on a regular basis. I certainly would. Dh loves mountain walking in the winter and used to do some fairly tricky bits in the icy weather pre-dc. He doesn't do that any more. Not because I told him not to, but because he is a responsible adult.

Have personal experience with the 'dangers' of bikes. Two fatalities and a cousin who had his life significantly impaired, when he was hit by a bike that had crashed and careered off the road. I would not go near the things, nor be happy if my loved ones ever did, so yes they are dangerous. But of course, that is something you already know!

I worked in A&E for a number of years and having seen countless motorcyclists come in and the the state of them if any of my loved ones wanted to buy a motorcycle I’d be doing everything I could to talk them out of it.

Don’t really see how being on a bike is “living life to the full”, but each to their own.
Just sounds like nonsense people come up with to justify irrational actions

Personally, I couldn't abide horse-riding but doesn't mean I shouldn't take care if I see a horse-rider on the road.

Just out of interest, for the people who think motorbike riding is selfish, how do you feel about blood bikes, paramedic bikes or police bikes? Are they ok because they are useful to you? How do you think that the people who ride these types of bikes learned?

sounds like your friends need fleas in ears to correct them about how he is fine on a bike being that he is a sensible rider and has a zero accident rate

Many riders have a zero accident rate. Those that don't are often pushing up daisies.

the ‘at least my loved ones would know i died doing something i loved’ is pure bollocks. you will be dead, and they will be devastated.

interested to know how the PP that rode overland to India in 1995 passing through Iran. i had a truck and wanted to do that route the same year - except Iran didn’t issue visas to females.

christ, that was a mangled post. wondering about visas for Iran in 1995.

I miss my 125cc. I adored it. I rode as safely and defensively as I could, always kitted up etc but was aware how risky it was. I was lucky but of my two other biking friends, one was killed and one had to have major surgery and is left with chronic pain. In both cases there was nothing they could have done differently. I stopped when I got pregnant and sold the bike. I would rather be inside the metal then outside it with DS in the picture. Dh was very relieved! But I do still miss it and you know the risks and do it anyway, fair do's.

but YANBU to be fed up with hearing the same thing all the time. YABU to be annoyed with the people saying it though, as they are right and are saying it out of concern.

@exWifebeginsat40 it's not bollocks to me, and there's no need to be rude.

My dad died 45, his mum 45, his brother 49, his sister 49 - every single one of them died from an illness, not an accident. It's always tragic when someone dies, no matter the cause. It's not bollocks to try to find something good to focus on. We all die, every single one of us. Nothing is guaranteed. These are not Hallmark platitudes, it's the way it is.

My Mum went off her tree when I got my first bike at 19. Said much the same as OP is talking about. My Grandad was encouraging. My mum shouted at him, saying "Do you actually want your granddaughter riding one of those death-traps??" His response? "No, of course I don't! But she's made up her mind, so stop putting doubts in her mind, and encourage her to do it as safely as possible!" Words that have stuck with me all these years.

YES people are perfectly in their rights to be upset.
YES they can ask a person to consider not riding a bike.
NO they absolutely should not put doubts in a person's head.

It doesn't matter if YOU understand that biking is a passion. It is to some people.

Personally, I think they are dangerous, mainly due to other drivers.
However, somebody having already written off a car doesn't sound safe driving to me.
Thankfully I taught ds1 out of having a bike, his partner also tried.
Yes, I do think it's selfish if you have kids, whether you are a good driver or not.
A young lady made a bad judgement on our road earlier this year, if she had been in a car there wouldn't be floral tributes in the hedge where she was catapulted to her death.

It may be your passion but it is a high risk activity. As such it is not surprising that those around you are discussing this with you. It is your choice to undertake a risky activity but it is their choice to raise their concerns with you.

Knowing you died doing you something you loved will be on no comfort whatsoever to small children left without a parent to raise them and it isn't sensible to imagine it would be.

Personally, I think they are dangerous, mainly due to other drivers.

Really? So what are the stats for car drivers killed by motorcyclists? Otoh, what are the stats for bikers killed by car drivers who simply didn't look? The latter is so common, the biking community even has a name for them, SMIDYs (sorry mate I didn't see you).

You may not have seen my earlier llink to this video. I know the rider who was on the main road, within the speedlimit, gave an audible warning (horn) when the driver started pulling out, pulling over the path of the rider and sending her down the road. When this rider was being strapped to a spinal board to be blue-lighted to hospital, the driver was more interested in the (slight) damage to his bumper bar. Thankfully the police don't hold your opinion.

Here's a story that made it to the news yesterday. A driver was jailed for killing a motorcyclist because she was so engrossed in the phone call on her hands free phone. www.itv.com/news/2017-12-06/woman-who-killed-motorcyclist-while-on-hands-free-call-jailed-for-three-years/

You may not understand it and you may only see those bikers who come out on sunny sunday afternoons, whilst the rest of us just quietly integrate with the traffic, but don't tar us all with the same brush. Your statement is clearly not backed up by facts or statistics.