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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fed up of people telling me how dangerous......

300 replies

starshaker · 02/12/2017 17:40

riding a motorbike is. I am aware of the dangers and risks. I came off a few weeks ago during a lesson and i was ok because of the gear I wear. Since then all people tell me is how dangerous it is and how selfish I am when I have kids.

If finally found something I love to do and I bought a little 125 to gain experience and confidence before I go to try for my full license again.

I wrote my first car off and was told not to give up and the best thing I could do was get straight back out before the fear took hold. I hurt myself more in the car than I did on the bike

OP posts:
Original poster
starshaker · 02/12/2017 22:32

I don't have anybody who could look after them. Well my oldest could go to her dad but the twins just have me. The risk of me hurting myself is higher than me coming off the bike. I have finally found something that helps my head

OP posts:
Honeycombcrunch · 02/12/2017 22:55

So you'd be happy for your younger DC to go into care if you die? At least start thinking about the impact on your kids if you have an accident.

dangermouse7 · 02/12/2017 23:00

OP you are not coming across well on this thread.

You do need life insurance. If you care about your children, you will get it. So if you are killed, THEY will be cared for financially.

Don't be so selfish.

Original poster
starshaker · 02/12/2017 23:00

No obviously I wouldn't want my kids to go into care. I dont really want to take my own life either, which was something I thought about doing every day before I started riding.
What would cause my kids the most pain. Me dying in an accident or me killing myself? Because that was a very real outcome.

OP posts:
dangermouse7 · 02/12/2017 23:01

@venello

AWFUL attitude! Shock

Original poster
starshaker · 02/12/2017 23:02

Danger mouse If you had read you would see that I have started the process for life insurance.

OP posts:
dangermouse7 · 02/12/2017 23:02

What has you previously planning on killing yourself got to do with your motorbiking with no insurance now?! Confused

PerfectlyDone · 02/12/2017 23:03

If you have little in the way of back-up for your DCs then life insurance is even more important.

Should your DCs have to deal with the disaster that is losing their mother, at least there would be some money to help look after them.

I am not at all brave.
There is no way on this earth I could now ride pillion - not because of any near misses or anything, but something in my head just switched and I just couldn't any longer.

You need to own your decision to be a motorbike rider - really own it.
The other people's remarks are more likely to seems like the well-meaning cancer they are likely to be rather than criticism that you get annoyed by.

Original poster
starshaker · 02/12/2017 23:04

Riding helps my head, it has taken away the daily urge to end things. I HAVE STARTED THE PROCESS OF LIFE INSURANCE NOW.

OP posts:
PerfectlyDone · 02/12/2017 23:05

Nothing leaves more devastation behind that losing a loved one to suicide.

Having said that, ANY sudden death is a horrific event for those surviving the deceased.

I am very glad you are in a somewhat better place now Thanks

Original poster
starshaker · 02/12/2017 23:08

The comments on this thread for the most part are not well meaning. They are judgemental. Just like i RL. My doctor supports my decision to ride, he even suggests I get bike time when im not doing great, my shrink thinks its been great for me and I know its made a huge difference.

OP posts:
latebreakfast · 02/12/2017 23:11

I sometimes walk in the woods next to the road where this accident happened. There is a footpath sign there on which the two little girls had pinned a picture they had drawn in which they say goodbye to their daddy. Seeing it made me give up my bike despite over 20 years of accident-free riding. I didn't ever want my dcs to be saying the same sort of goodbye to me.

PerfectlyDone · 02/12/2017 23:11

Sorry, I obviously did not mean 'well-meaning cancer' - no idea where that come from! Blush

"well-meaning concern"

I suppose your motivation for riding is quite unusual and unique to you and you are accepting the risk. So, go for it.
And nod and smile to everybody with advice. Then ignore them and do your thing.
That approach worked a treat for parenting advice IME.

StarWarsFanatic · 02/12/2017 23:14

Good on you for looking into life insurance. Plenty of people don't have it but everyone with dependants really should look into it regardless of their hobbies or lifestyle.

You are doing what you can to minimise the risk which is a good idea but regardless it is still a dangerous activity. I am not saying you shouldn't do it the decision is yours alone. Plenty of people, including parents ride motorcycles.

I would strongly recommend talking to friends or family about whether they would take in your children if the worst happened in any manner but that is another matter. I have people who I would do that for, they just have to ask and put things in place.

People who care about you will keep telling you it is dangerous because they care but they should eventually realise they can't change your mind for you. I have seen people telling strangers the same thing though and think they should mind their own business but that is the way of the world.

Protectingmydaughterfromfilth · 02/12/2017 23:19

OP either you're being purposely naive or just stupid!

No, money can't bring you back or ease the pain for your family but it can give them a monthly income of the equivalent of a full time wage for the rest of your children's childhood! If you are married and a homeowner, then it would pay off your mortgage so your husband didn't have to worry about money on TOP of the grief of losing you!!

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 02/12/2017 23:31

To be fair, you didn’t say “riding hugely helps my mental health” until quite a way into the thread. People often miss posts. I based my first reply on you taking part in a fairly risky activity (obviously your choice) without life insurance and no other information.

On the note of your children, do you have anyone you’d want them to go to? You should have it in writing, bike or no bike. I genuinely wish you well. Flowers

Protectingmydaughterfromfilth · 02/12/2017 23:32

Sorry OP I didn't read the full thread before commenting. I see you've applied for life insurance now.

Hope you get accepted. I got turned down for it because of my poor health!!! ShockHmm

eastlondoner · 02/12/2017 23:33

Are they health professionals? Anyone who has worked in A&E will want to tell people how dangerous motorbikes are when you see the state of riders after an accident.

TheOriginalMagratGarlik · 02/12/2017 23:46

I ride a motorbike. I am an advanced qualified rider. I ride for the blood bikes. I know 4 other advanced qualified riders who died at the hands of car drivers in the last year (who think that collisions are part and parcel of being on the road).

I also scuba dive. A high-risk sport. I've known many die in scuba related incidents but for some reason, people think it's ok to preach about how I shouldn't ride, but won't tell me why I shouldn't dive (to the contrary).

Should we have an arms race on the roads as to who should protect themselves the most? No, I don't think so. There will always be bigger vehicles than the one you are in/on. Do I think that driver training should be moe rigorous? Absoloutely.

Btw, here's my conribution to a driver who thought "sorry mate, I didn't see you" was an appropriate response

TheOriginalMagratGarlik · 02/12/2017 23:53

I should add, that those with larger vehicles should be made more aware how dangerous their larger vehicles are (and be provided with appropriate training).

I have rarely heard of a car driver being killed because a motorcyclist has performed a "dangerous" manoeuvre, but I have many, many cases where a motorcyclist has been killed because a car driver has perfoned a dangerous manoeuvre So, in this case, who is more dangerous on the road?.

BrizzleDrizzle · 03/12/2017 01:42

Having been first on the scene at a fatal bike accident I can assure you it's a horrific way to die. No car involved, they off the road and died before the ambulance arrived. They were conscious for a while and their last words were heart breaking.

zsazsajuju · 03/12/2017 01:47

Of course it can be dangerous but so can lots of things. I love riding my motorcycle, especially on a glorious sunny day. Take precautions by all mean, but life's too short to worry about every little thing. As long as risks are calculated and you are careful, you should go for it and enjoy every minute.

DixieNormas · 03/12/2017 02:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

harrypotternerd · 03/12/2017 04:05

in Australia motorbike riders are called 'temporary Australians' and from what I have seen on the road for good reason.

TossDaily · 03/12/2017 07:34

DP used to be a policeman. The nickname officers used for motorcyclists was 'organ donors.'

Get life insurance and make a will, fgs.

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