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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed dd never gets any recognition.

82 replies

3nonblondedd78 · 02/12/2017 14:35

So Dd1 is a lovely girl; really kind and helpful, works hard and does well in academic subjects. However, she is quite quiet and unassuming so never really gets noticed.
She is rubbish at sport and drama although she tries her best.
I have just noticed that every year the students who get the most praise points are the sporty ones and those who get the leads on the school plays etc. They are also good at academic subjects too though.
I know it means nothing long term but it would just be nice if she was noticed for once. Even in Primary it was the same.
Aibu

OP posts:
Original poster
3nonblondedd78 · 02/12/2017 14:37

Incidentally even her head if house couldn't understand why she gas received do few points. So it's not just me.

OP posts:
tinysparklyshoes · 02/12/2017 14:38

The ones who get talked about publicly are the ones doing things publicly, winning sporting things and being in plays. Why would your child be publicly talked about for being quiet and unassuming and doing nothing publicly noteworthy? Confused

ghostyslovesheets · 02/12/2017 14:39

not worth getting drunk over

Mxyzptlk · 02/12/2017 14:40

What are praise points?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 02/12/2017 14:41

Yanbu. Its like that in every school unfortunately
The same kids being given recognition.

Hatsoffdear · 02/12/2017 14:44

Oh don’t go down that route op.

You continue to praise your dd and be glad you raised a kind nice one.

Honestly with 5 grown up kids we found that it’s not always the ones who shine at school that go on to lead happy sucessful lives. We found quite a few times the confident all rounders had a hell of a shock at uni when they were no longer the biggest fish in the small pool.

Chill and forget it. School is really a tiny part of life.

NovemberWitch · 02/12/2017 14:45

Does the school track the praise pointsto ensure balance over a term? Even ordinary, average children who are non-sporty should have positive things highlighted and rewarded.The teachers should be looking more closely and finding her strengths.

NoelNiki · 02/12/2017 14:46

To get noted and talked about and praised, you actually have to do something noteworthy.

Unless we want to encourage rewarding everyone for nothing?

I got shit all at school. I was quiet shy and thick. I blossomed later. Not bothered about it all now though.

Original poster
3nonblondedd78 · 02/12/2017 14:48

They are a version of House Points. They have loads of different categories which they are rewarded for.
I am not going to get stressed about it but it does seem unfair that it is the ones who quietly get on with their work and perform well all the time never get noticed.
Incidentally she is good at one sport but her school doesn't let the girls do it.

OP posts:
NovemberWitch · 02/12/2017 14:51

You can look for kindness and generosity, teamwork, when someone has acted well out of their comfort zone, inclusive behaviour, the ability to quietly get on with things and be independent rather than grandstanding and egocentricity is undervalued imo.
I give rewards for all sorts of positive behaviour and skills that are not just skills and talent based. Why not?

Original poster
3nonblondedd78 · 02/12/2017 14:51

She does get praise points but she has about a third of the higher achieving ones.
I think it also depends on the subjects you do. Some teachers tend to rarely give any.

OP posts:
Original poster
3nonblondedd78 · 02/12/2017 14:51

She does get praise points but she has about a third of the higher achieving ones.
I think it also depends on the subjects you do. Some teachers tend to rarely give any.

OP posts:
BewareOfDragons · 02/12/2017 14:56

I agree with you, OP. Hard work in school should be noted as well, especially since education is supposed the be the primary reason they're there!

Ted27 · 02/12/2017 15:00

my son has autism and a learning difficulty. He is pretty rubbish at sports. But he joins in, has a go at everything, tries hard at everything he does, is generally nice, smily and enthusiastic.

He is currently leading his mentor group in postive points, he gets points for all the things Novemberwitch mentions. Its not hard.

Children like him and the ops daughter make as much a contribution to the life of the school as the high academic and sports achievers.

NoToast · 02/12/2017 15:05

YANBU. At my school the PE teachers would be awarding points all lesson to people who were good at sports. Work in academic subjects isn't as measurable in the same way as winning races or games, so academic students who were working hard got very little, except grief (we were a sporty school that didn't tolerate swots).

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/12/2017 15:05

Does your dd do an out of school activity, where she is praised and feels special for that?

EvilTwins · 02/12/2017 15:08

When I was teaching in a school with a praise points system, I always rewarded the hard working, quieter students as well as the louder ones. However, as a drama teacher, I also gave points to students who were involved in school productions. I gave points to every DC for every rehearsal they attended - regardless of what role they had in the show as I felt that it was important to reward their commitment. They gave up hours of time at lunch, after school and at weekends - why shouldn’t they be rewarded for that? It was noticeable that every February, when we did our main school shows, the top students on the praise points league tables were always ones in the show, but they were often putting in 10 or more hours per week of rehearsal on top of their school Work. I make no apologies for that.

FlowerPot1234 · 02/12/2017 15:08

Why do you need your child to receive praise for not doing anything particularly praiseworthy?

I hope you are not passing on this need to your daughter, who would now seek out praise from others instead of develop strong self esteem and self belief and not give a damn about all this praise nonsense.

Lashalicious · 02/12/2017 15:10

I think you’re a good mom for supporting your child and recognizing the special things about her and being her advocate. She will always remember that. I agree that it seems schools and teachers often do not “see” the children, each one. They don’t look at each child and really see him or her. It takes a special person to be a really great teacher. I hope your girl gets the support she deserves.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 02/12/2017 15:10

Ds is the same recently done amazingly well at a particular subject not one mention in the weekly school news no photo with his certificate

I have realised that this is the way other children get recognition for everything they do and will never be overlooked

It is upsetting as he does contribute as much as many other children he just had to get extra praise at home

TheSmallClangerWhistlesAgain · 02/12/2017 15:11

I wouldn't worry about it too much if your DD isn't upset. By secondary, most kids are pretty clued-up on how meaningless house points are. At DD's school, it was the kids with challenging behaviour that got the most, as they would be rewarded for managing not to cause havoc. If it was a useful tool to help them, then that's fine. DD and her friends knew the score and weren't bothered.

missperegrinespeculiar · 02/12/2017 15:13

My DSs school rewards children for kindness, friendliness, respect etc. they have different award categories, for academic achievement as well as displaying school values, I think it is good, to the extent that awards are good (I have some doubts!)

Lashalicious · 02/12/2017 15:13

Also, op, it sounds like you yourself would make a great teacher. You seem to have that ability to look at and see each child. To me, that is the first requisite for being a teacher.

EvilTwins · 02/12/2017 15:17

Also, op, it sounds like you yourself would make a great teacher. You seem to have that ability to look at and see each child. To me, that is the first requisite for being a teacher.

Really? The OP is talking about her own child and seem cross that children are being rewarded for putting in effort and commitment to school activities like sport and drama. I don’t think it’s fair that the OP’s DD isn’t getting recognition for her hard work but it’s also unfair of her to complain that children who go the extra mile for school shouldn’t be rewarded too.

m0therofdragons · 02/12/2017 15:17

Dd is exceptionally bright and consistently tries hard. She's top for maths and Literacy in her year group yet never gets awards. It seems that being consistently good doesn't trigger awards. She needs to overcome a challenge to get an award apparently. I leave it as dd isn't bothered but stubborn me thinks they need to challenge her if they want her to overcome it.

In the year below there's a dc that gets picked for lead roles every time they do any performance - it's really weird!