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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you look after a friends child for three days?

110 replies

Tinkerbec · 30/11/2017 13:46

Well exactly as it says in the title.

Friend of two years ( have kids at same school) has asked if we can look after her child for three days and nights.

One night I see no problem but three seems a lot. My dd does not get on well with her child as she is pretty hard work. Sulking, complaining, always hungry. It is ok for a bit but three days.

We don’t have much room for her either as I am staying with my parents.

Friend is going to a concert and a selling conference for her job. I mean I would if she was in hospital or something. I also would for my sisters kids and my best friends children.

AIBU?Would you?

OP posts:
Original poster
Tinkerbec · 30/11/2017 15:25

Christmas!
Dam phone.

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 30/11/2017 15:25

Beware of her calling you at the last minute, playing sweet apologies and taking you up on your 'one night' offer. It'll probably be the first night, then at the last minute (possibly even after she's hit the road) it'll be 'couldn't find anyone else/other care just cancelled, oh well she's already at yours, bye'.

For now just back away from her. Don't contact her unless you have to. She sounds like a user, not a true friend.

Original poster
Tinkerbec · 30/11/2017 15:26

Know what you mean if they get on. We have her best friend over and it is absolutely no hassle at all.

OP posts:
Ceto · 30/11/2017 15:27

She could employ a child minder to come and look after her child, particularly given that this trip is for work purposes.

Original poster
Tinkerbec · 30/11/2017 15:31

How much would a child minder cost?
I think she would be lucky to make £100 at her conference.

OP posts:
Snap8TheCat · 30/11/2017 15:33

Nanny not a cm. A cm works in their own home and would have regular mindees to still look after. However it would cost upwards of £300.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 30/11/2017 15:34

Its okay now and again but not 3 bloody days a week. That's abusing a friendship

Original poster
Tinkerbec · 30/11/2017 15:38

She could not afford that.

She has just put a post on Facebook about taking her child out of school and the ‘ stupid school stats’

She once set up a Just giving page trying to get her friends to fund a holiday to Disney fdue to her bad time. She has had a bad time but she also goes on Spanish holidays paid for by her Dad.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tinkerbec · 30/11/2017 15:39

To fund a holiday to Disney land due to her...

OP posts:
TheDodgyEnd · 30/11/2017 15:43

Crikey Tink you have a cf on your hands there! I would be reluctant to offer even one night as another poster said she'll suddenly have no one else to help and you'll be stuck doing it for he three days anyway. I would withdraw any offer at all. Sorry if that's a bit harsh.
Does she try and get people to watch DD a lot? I just get that impression sorry if I'm wrong. Also strikes me as odd that she doesn't seem to care about DD health/weight if she's throwing nhs letters in the bin...

Original poster
Tinkerbec · 30/11/2017 15:47

She does and she doesn’t. She is also quite co dependent on her dd as well. She is the golden child and often falls out with her older daughter.
Thinking about it. It is quite a strange set up.

OP posts:
Strokethefurrywall · 30/11/2017 15:47

A friends' child my kids/DH/I love? In a New York minute, of course!

A friends child my kids don't get along with, in someone else's home? Absolutely not.

DiegoMadonna · 30/11/2017 15:50

I don't think anybody would be cheeky enough to even ask me this unless they were a VERY close friend. So then of course I would say yes. That's assuming they had already checked with every member of their family, and there was no way we could share her one night each among different friends/family (which is basically a 0% chance, so you're asking would I do something that would never ever occur in the first place, which makes it difficult to answer)

If they weren't a REALLY close friend, then it would be cheeky to ask and I'd just make an excuse and say no. If she sees straight through the excuse, no problem since she's not a close friend and is obviously a bit of a CF.

TempusEejit · 30/11/2017 16:07

Stand firm even if she tries to guilt trip you later, even just one day is not fair on your daughter. Why would you even consider putting your CF friend's request over your poor DD who has no choice in the matter and no options to escape for the day?

Be strong and say no every time.

AuntieFester · 30/11/2017 16:15

Totally agree with AcrossthePond , sounds an accurate prediction and I would add that CF's DD is going to find faults with OP's hospitality too just like she did with the sister's.

Well done for saying 'no' OP

Original poster
Tinkerbec · 30/11/2017 16:31

Thanks all

My dd can get on with her in small doses.

Apparently she likes my house as my Mum has a chocolate jar. My parents are also quite entertaining for kids.
You are right though she would find something wrong.

Paranoid she will drop on me at the last minute. Think I will make plans for that day quickly.

OP posts:
mumof2sarah · 30/11/2017 16:35

I'm the friend that always bends over backwards to help other friends and have their children etc. But to have them that long it would have to be under extenuating situations I.E hospital stay etc. Three days is a lot just so she doesn't have to have her under her feet (it's got nothing to do with school attendance) whilst at the conference 😏 I think saying no was the best thing you could have done OP x

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/11/2017 16:45

Even if she turns up on your doorstep on her way OP, you simply don't answer the door, or tell her you've said no and it's not possible.

An event like this is an opportunity to review the whole relationship and it sounds a bit like you and your parents, not least your daughter, would benefit from taking a step back from helping this woman. You only know her through your daughter, and your daughter doesn't like the other child. For your daughter's sake, draw a line and walk gently away.

LG93 · 30/11/2017 17:23

Yes, but I like my friends and I also love their children. In the situation you describe? No, I wouldn’t. YANBU

Frazzled2207 · 30/11/2017 18:16

Nope. I might for a very good friend who got on well with my kid though. Where I knew the kid would be no trouble, and that reciprocation at some point might be possible.

sleeponeday · 30/11/2017 18:21

If a young child is 4 stone overweight and crying for food then she needs to be checked out by the GP. Could be an endochrine problem.

That aside, no way. Three days, when your own child doesn't enjoy her company, and it's not an emergency? I don't really know where people find the brass neck, quite frankly.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 30/11/2017 18:21

I’d normally help out a friend if I could but given that you’re at your parents house and it’s for 3 nights I don’t think you’re wrong to decline. Don’t feel bad.

sleeponeday · 30/11/2017 18:23

She once set up a Just giving page trying to get her friends to fund a holiday to Disney fdue to her bad time.

Shock

Holy crap. In your shoes I'd be distancing for all I was worth. She thought other people's money should go not on their own families, but on her? When she is indulged by her parents as it is?

Nikephorus · 30/11/2017 18:26

Paranoid she will drop on me at the last minute. Think I will make plans for that day quickly.
Tell your parents not to answer the door either!!!

madwoman1ntheatt1c · 30/11/2017 18:28

for work? Nah. Having agreed once it would be a constant expectation. If this is a need she has, and she doesn't have family who are able to help, she needs to source paid childcare (overnight nanny etc) so that the child can stay at home and not be farmed out to anyone willing to lob a freebie.

This is not an extenuating circumstance, this is just ordinary managing employment and parenting. And I speak as someone who provided residential care for a friend's dd for 18 months. I wouldn't have done it because of her job.

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