AIBU to question if children really cost this much?

[user1497787373]

I'm single, no DC, no DP, just me. Take home pay for me is around £1,700 a month. This leaves me by no means rich, but it doesn't leave me struggling either. I find my disposable income is fine to live on quite nicely.
Work colleague earns the same as me, has DP who earns an equal amount and 2 DC. However, she's always skint and maintains the cost of running a family is more than the extra money DP brings into the household.
From previous chats, I know we pay a similar mortgage amount. So my question is, does having a DP and 2 DC really cost over £1,700 a month? I understand that obviously children are expensive little munchkins, but I don't see how she has such a lower disposable income that me when the household income is double? (and keeps telling me how fortunate I am that I can afford new clothes, nights out etc etc)

Totally agree with you Lethaldrizzle. Not all follow trends set by others.

Oh my word. I'm pregnant with my first and totally panicking about this after reading this thread. Wow. We'll have to consider selling the house and taking on a lower mortgage if it costs £2K a month for a child

Sylvester people manage on less - far less - of course. But realistically if both parents are working full time then childcare alone is likely to be £1000ish. There is government support for some of this cost of course. I don't think anyone has said a child costs £2000 a month but it is not that hard to see where earnings of £3400 combined go when paying for a family of 4 (note: 2 children). Children are expensive. Children also don't need to be that expensive.

Single parent for over 10 years until 6 months ago.
2 kids.6 years between them so only 1 set of nursery fees at a time.
Full time wage plus maintenance from dad & work tax credit. Total income approx 1700 per month over the years.
I managed to feed them, dress them, keep house warm, run a car, get pressies day outs & Xmas. It can be done you just need to be organised.
Paid full council rent . & nursery fees after school club.

OP they really do cost a lot.
Why do you want to know? Is it because your friend refuses to do some things because of the cost? Is it causing problems in your friendship?
If you are comfortable financially currently it’s worth saving a bit each month while you can, especially if you are planning to have kids yourself in the future. I really regret not doing that myself when I had the chance.

The OP says that the mortgages are comparable so its not this.

The OPs colleague does have disposable income, it's just that its being spent on the DCs - obviously two earners and 4 people mean that money has to be shared further, but some of the basic costs don't go up proportionally - mortgage, council tax, utilities are not 4 times as much for a family as they are for one person.

But things like multiple activities, expensive smartphones (a contract that includes a phone and minutes/data can cost less than £10 a month, it doesn't have to cost £35+ pm) and unlimited access to snacks are discretionary not basic costs. They're 'nice to have' not essential. Maybe the OPs colleague needs to allocate some of the disposable income to herself rather than spending it all on the DCs?

Depends on the spending habits of the other adult too. She can’t completely control what her dh spends from his wages. I’m a saver and my ex was a spender. I’ve saved more money on one wage than we ever did when we had two.

Think when you have dc you are wary of splashing out too much money on yourself as something may turn up and you dont want to be caught short. So with dc l saved more ( was a total waster before that, broke every pay day) and was far more conscious of where my money was going. I could live on beand if l bought new jeans while alone but couldnt ask my dc to do that.

We contribute £450 x 2 for Mcr student houseshares and 2 x £250 for 'food'.

If their take home is twice yours but with 4 times as many people you actually have double the personal budget a month

We are putting ds through uni w/o loans and it is expensive, though perhaps cheaper than school fees. When he is home my bread and milk bill trebles, let alone the amount of butter, peanut butter and ham that he gets through; he had hit the buffers of our monthly internet limit within 3 days of being home at Christmas, so the 100gb per month that we weren't coming close to from September onwards was used up by the 15th December!

If you have boys it is amazing how big their feet get and how little time a pair of shoes lasts once they hit the teenage years and their growing spurts and hoe expensive said shoes are (especially when you live abroad as we do).