AIBU to question if children really cost this much?

[user1497787373]

I'm single, no DC, no DP, just me. Take home pay for me is around £1,700 a month. This leaves me by no means rich, but it doesn't leave me struggling either. I find my disposable income is fine to live on quite nicely.
Work colleague earns the same as me, has DP who earns an equal amount and 2 DC. However, she's always skint and maintains the cost of running a family is more than the extra money DP brings into the household.
From previous chats, I know we pay a similar mortgage amount. So my question is, does having a DP and 2 DC really cost over £1,700 a month? I understand that obviously children are expensive little munchkins, but I don't see how she has such a lower disposable income that me when the household income is double? (and keeps telling me how fortunate I am that I can afford new clothes, nights out etc etc)

The thing is- you are paying per person in the house- so a house of two kids and two adults- each adult is paying for two people. So- whatever your monthly outgoing are- you pay that per person on the house. Eg/ 4 phone contracts come out of our direct debits. And clothes cost so much more than you would spend on yourself, as they grow do quickly.

There's also things like holidays. If you're a single person you only need to pay for yourself (obviously!) and you can go out of school term time (unless a teacher). If you're a family of 4 you have to pay for 4 people, and at those ages you have to go in school holiday time which can be 3 or 4 times more expensive.

Teenagers EAT. Soooo much.

Not teenagers, but to give you an idea:

Our nursery costs £1,400 pm, for four days a week.

Babies need a whole new set of clothes approx every 3 months until they're 1 then every 6 months from then on. Yes, you can buy clothes cheaply, but they also need a LOT of clothes to make sure they're ready for all weather eventualities and sometimes three changes a day (especially when weaning).

Baby classes cost about £80 a term, usually 10 weeks, so if you go to two classes, that's £200 a quarter.

Admittedly, we live in London, so this is worst case scenario. But MAN it adds up.

And that's before they get into brands, and electronics, and school trips, and Starbucks...

No I've never understood why people think kids are so expensive and if her dh is earning too then surely she is only financially responsible for one more human being if they split it down the middle.

The thing is, your work colleague is unlikely to announce how much her/her partner owe on credit card bills/loans/overdrafts etc.

So perhaps not everything is spent on just the kids IYSWIM.

Lifestyle and attitude to money has a big impact on how much you spend. With my ex we had enough money but not lots spare. When we split I ended up paying the entire mortgage and all bills just from my income but still managed to have more left over each month because she wasn't spending it all on... well, I'm not really sure what. So they might just be spending their money on stuff.

Imagine your income had to cover 2 of you- but this second person is a ravenous monster- so that's your food bill nearly doubled, who is often needing new clothes and outgrowing shoes and needs to put into a breakfast club- often a minimum of £5, and then often needs money for school trips (lets say an average of £60 a month) and has a phone that needs paying, and needs money the occasionally treat, they also do an extra curricular activity (say swimming) which costs 150 a term (roughly 3 monthly) l

Ahh I posted to soon!
You also then need to factor in the higher utility bills due to higher usage.. it's pretty easy to see how quickly it all adds up

Yes children really do cost a fortune.

Oh and there's the school uniform/back up school uniform and the inevitable replacement school uniform because things have either become to small/ruined or lost

We have a 12 year old who is 5'9" with size 9 feet. It might sound daft but simply keeping him clothed and shod is an extraordinary cost I had no idea about til he began to grow. The 6 year old is pretty tall, too, so looks set to follow in DS1's footsteps.

They both ride horses, do judo, scouts, swim club, rugby and cricket. They also both take music lessons which cost an arm and a leg.

Every month or so we're asked for money for a trip or an event. They go to friend's parties, the big one has a contract phone and there's always something they need/want. The big one has a school trip to France next summer that's costing almost £1,000.

You work with what you have and we're lucky that we don't have to worry too much about their activities; on a smaller income we'd have to forego things like owning ponies, but yep, children can cost a lot of money over the years.

Some people are not good with money

Teenagers don't have to cost a bomb - if you are happy for them not to have the same clothes, pastimes, opportunities or social life as their peers. If you don't want them to constantly be the odd one out though, then some expenditure is involved.

SHOES! I seem to buy them new school shoes every month!

I am a lone parent with a nearly 12 year old dd, and yes, she is very expensive (but worth it!). It's basically like supporting another adult, but one who constantly needs new clothes and shoes, eats a lot, etc.

Scientifically speaking, for them to have the same standard of living on £1700, as a family of 4 with children that age, they’d need to earn about £3800-3900 after tax.
So they are a bit worse off than you. (as per the calculations of the Institute of Fiscal Studies). Although not exactly ‘skint’ as their household income in bang on average for a family that size.

She needs 4 times the food you do
She needs two probably three bedrooms
She needs to be able to get her kids to clubs/activities/hobbies so either a second car or lots of bus
She needs to pay for school trips, school books, school uniforms
She needs to buy more christmas presents than you, more birthday presents than
She needs to ensure the kids are entertained or have funds to entertain themselves
She needs to be able to clothe 4 times as many people as you do
If she wants a holiday it needs to accomodate 4 times as many as yours
Four mobile phone contracts.
Then there is feeding the friends that visit, gifts for friends birthday
4 times as many haircuts
4 times as many dental appointments
Deductions in wages for unpaid leave when they are sick

We have a 2 year old and haven’t found it too bad. Nursery for one day per week costs £250 per month. I have halved my hours and lost around £700 per month due to that. Clothes, toys, nappies, food are negligible costs really as I get most things second hand (nappies around £20 per month on amazon prime). We spend a lot less on going out drinking now. We used to overpay mortgage and save each month and now we just about break even. Mortgage of around £600 and joint household income of around £2600 which when I write it down looks like we should have lots left. Run two cars, both needed for work. Both work condensed hours so long days meaning we save on childcare.

To add, I anticipate that costs will increase significantly once dc is school age and then teenage. Also we have another on the way.

Napqueen has it spot on.

Teenagers are expensive. You imagine that when you're not paying nursery fees and buying baby equipment that they'll become cheaper to maintain but they don't. They eat as much as adults, they need as many clothes and shoes as adults at often similar prices but they still have an annoying habit of growing out of stuff, they need equipment provided for school that they use once in a blue moon, they want to do extra-curricular activities, they go on residentials and trips and still want to have a family holiday and days out, they want pocket money and birthday and Christmas presents. And of course, you're supposed to put some money away for their futures if you can. I wouldn't be surprised if mine cost me £1700 a month, although I've never really tried adding it up.

Comparison is the enemy of joy. You are both being unreasonable. Hth! 😂

Add the cost of a DH to this as well.

We've spent around 6 weeks apart this year and was amazed at how different things were.

Yes DH earns about the same as me but I'd say our outgoings when together increase by 125%, not jus double. When I was home alone, yes I'd still go out to meet friends once or twice, but not out for dinner with a bottle of wine. I'm more than happy with making a bowl of pasta for tea when I'm on my own. He prefers meat potatoes veg. I may have a glass of wine when alone. He'd have 1-2 beers alone. Together we'd have a bottle of wine and 4-5 beers.

When I was on holiday alone, I went to the attractions I wanted to see. He went away on his own and went to ones he wanted to see. So, on my holiday I wanted to go to 3 places. It cost me 1 x entry fee to 3 places. He'd have wanted to see, say, 2 others. If he was alone it'd have been 1 x 2 places. Together? 2 x entry fee to 5 places. never mind adding teenagers into that equation

You may be happy with freeview or just movie channels - her DH may want sport channels (or vice versa)

Yes children are expensive.
I've never really been convinced that teenagers are more expensive though. I have one nursery age and one nearly 13 year old, so can compare.
Older children do eat more, school trips are expensive, the gadgets, clothes etc they want are more expensive, true, but it's a drop in the ocean compared to full time nursery fees. It's possible to say "no" or "wait for your birthday" when they want something non essential and it's not compulsory to do extra curricular activities every day. (If you work full time though, nursery fees are not optional and they are way more than I spend on my teen a month!)
But overall a family will cost a lot more than a single person. In your friends example two incomes support four people in contrast to you - one income for one person. Don't underestimate the increased bills for food, utilities, 4 x mobile phones, having to run two cars, holidays, pocket money etc.