AIBU to question if children really cost this much?

[user1497787373]

I'm single, no DC, no DP, just me. Take home pay for me is around £1,700 a month. This leaves me by no means rich, but it doesn't leave me struggling either. I find my disposable income is fine to live on quite nicely.
Work colleague earns the same as me, has DP who earns an equal amount and 2 DC. However, she's always skint and maintains the cost of running a family is more than the extra money DP brings into the household.
From previous chats, I know we pay a similar mortgage amount. So my question is, does having a DP and 2 DC really cost over £1,700 a month? I understand that obviously children are expensive little munchkins, but I don't see how she has such a lower disposable income that me when the household income is double? (and keeps telling me how fortunate I am that I can afford new clothes, nights out etc etc)

Kath6144 - hit the nail on the head!

Children are very expensive.

I have 2 teen DS and wouldn't change this for the world

However if I was I was single I'd have a whole lot more money!
My housing costs would be less as I wouldn't need 3 beds.
Which means my utility bills and council tax would be cheaper.
My good bill would be much less - teen boys eat A LOT!
I'd only need to buy clothes for my self.

And that's just the essential stuff.

Now factor in paying for 3 mobile phone contracts rather than 1.
Christmas and birthdays
Activities
Pocket money
School trips

Having kids is REALLY expensive!

Children cost an awful lot! Clothes, School trips and donations, hobbies and activities, food especially when they're having a growth spurt, followed by more new clothes, shoes, occasional treats...

Not to mention extra washing, extra furniture etc needed for their rooms, additional water use and electricity use...

Like everyone else said, it’s childcare.

Childcare fees for my two DCs are almost your entire monthly income. I earn more than you but after paying mobile phone bill, car finance, tube fare plus nursery fees, I basically clear £40 a week.

Both my dcs needed new shoes and coats this winter because they’d grown out of their current ones.

I went to Asda yesterday to get 2 x coats and 2 x pairs of shoes and still spent £45.

See my above post. That’s more than I clear in a week working.

And I don’t think encouraging children with sports and hobbies and friends is a ‘lifestyle choice’ it’s necessary for their development.

I’m sure my children could be cheaper if I gave up work and we all sat in the house all day in second hand jumpers with the heating off, playing noughts and crosses.

I didn't think so and had DD and we didn't really notice the increase.

Then I had my son who eats like a monster and boy do I notice the money now!!!!!!

My childcare alone costs £1,600 a month.
Not to mention food/drink/constantly buying clothes because he seems to have a growth spurt constantly.
I only have the one

I was much better off before I moved in with DH and had kids. The child care, the extra food, the extra gas, electric and hot water. The toys, clothes, shoes. DS is only 2 but teenager, ok they don't need child care, but spending money, food, bus fair etc.

You can get really nice clothes in charity shops/from eBay

This suggestion would go down a storm with most teens

Having 2 teens is like feeding and clothing 2 more adults. Shoes and clothes are adult size and prices. School trips are scarily expensive and there’s so much pressure not to miss out.

Yes childcare plus the cost of actually getting to work takes huge chunk out. Then add extra curricular stuff, extra holiday and day out costs etc. And the food - they are only 3 and 8 but always hungry.

Children are very expensive.

school uniform is a killer. PE kit costs around £85
blazer £38, plus all the other uniform which may or may not be in the supermarket dependign on style.
equipment. calculators, endless pens, and stationary. dictionaries,
the bag to put it in.
school trips. two cheap ones this term already. (£3 and £5 )
art folder.
cooking ingredients.

I would be PMSL at Bellatrix's allegation that 'relatives can cover childcare' if it didn't make me so angry. When I had preschoolers my 70something mother was at the height of her rather eminent career and Dp's mum was increasing ill - and neither of them lived anywhere near.

I have teenagers. They do in fact wear second-hand clothes, through choice, but they need shoes. They need various school-associated things. One of them needs musical instruments, music lessons and exams (yes, I could rule that out, as I could rule out DD1's A level drama trips but I want my children educated and fulfilling their potential).

But most of all, before I had kids I lived and worked in a one-bedroom flat. Now I have to fit the buggers, plus their dad, plus a room where I can work and earn a living, into a house. And that eats money.

I earn about the same as the OP and have one teenager.I have a mortgage ,car,both have mobiles,holidays.We live comfortably but it is choices.My dd does not need expensive gadgets behond a phone and laptop.She is not interested designer gear and she is also able to make choices as she knows how much things cost.
She does out of school activities and sees her friends and doesn't miss out on much.
If I had one more child and a partner then we would at least have shared mortgage,insurance,council tax,heating etc.

Smaller children with childcare cost more but ttenages are not expensive unless you let them be.

OP, your friend is lamenting not being able to go out/buy clothes for HERSELF - that's what happens when you are a mother, even if you can afford it you think twice in case the children have an unaccounted for expense. You only have to worry about YOU, she has to worry about her whole family and she will put her needs second. It's called being a parent. Be careful what you say now before you have children or you'll end up feeling a prat. I know I did.

Hotheadwheresthecoldbath but ttenages are not expensive unless you let them be

I'll probably be flamed for this but I'll stick my head above the parapet and suggest that a teen girl is nowhere near as expensive as a teen boy. They generally don't grow anything like as much so don't need new clothes and shoes and uniform as frequently. They generally don't eat as much. There are far more affordable yet trendy clothes they can wear. Finally, they can hang out at each other's houses when they need to meet up with friends without attracting the teenage equivalent of the raised eyebrow. Boys need to hang out and chat with their friends as much as girls do but peer pressure often means they can't do that in the same (cheap) way as girls. Girls can hang out in their bedrooms and have sleepovers (nice cheap activities). Boys often get teased for that sort of thing. It's only ok to hang out with your mates if you're out and about on your bike, going to Macdonalds, or playing on the x-box.

But justhope isn't being able to have exactly what we want something we earn as we get older, and study or work hard to get a job that allows us to do that? When I was a teenager I had hand me downs, basic stuff and the occasionally item I absolutely loved. That seems about right to me. I learnt to shop 2nd hand throughout my teenage years so I could get the look I wanted to on a budget - quite a good skill to have.
I feel teenagers that are old enough to earn money, even just through doing chores, should understand that if you want the nice stuff, you work for it.
My 7 year old has just decided he wants to weat sports type clothes. I bought him a cheap tracksuits from Decathlon, and found some nike and adidas trousers in a charity shop. For around £15 he's very happy!

After reading all these comments I hope you have not been put off having kids of your own. I am a mum of seven. 24yrs - 3yrs. DH works full time and run my own business. Yes I wouldn't say we don't have expenses, like a mortgage, bills, clothes, shoes and the lot...but it's how you manage your income. And teaching your kids to be responsible. My oldest now doing his PHD started doing his own Courier business while in school and my 12Yr old too has started his little business. And he is in Yr 8. They are taught from their young days that you cannot get EVERYTHING you want in life. You have to work for what you need too. And they also know how to spend wisely when they work for it. So basically what I am trying to say is you can earn a million a month but if you don't work within your earnings you will always be skint. The problem starts when we can't say NO to our kids or to ourselves. (This will be the case even if you are single I guess.) So it's not a question of having kids or not it's about spending within your budget. That will teach everyone, parents and children alike to appreciate, value and feel more for the people around us and society in general.

I have a 14 and 12 year old.. they cost a fortune.. Dance costs £15 a week for a start. clothes and food it like having 4 adults. School shoes are £50, they need trainers and footy boots for school, and trainers for home and dance shoes and boots etc etcetcetc!.

Going on holiday is the price of 4 adults, eating out it the price of 4 adults.. both have mobile phones and even though they are on £10per month giffgaff it all adds up.. and thats all before we get to the driving lesson stage.. then university stage! get saving

ooh and dont even get me started in how much you will spend in petrol running them to football, dance, friends, school, aghhh

Don't make me,you may be right about boys.Girls do grow though and not just upwards so you do have to buy bras and spots bras which are not optional.We may get away with some of this year's school stuff for another year since she is in yr 10 and I'm mean.But girls do not seem to have the same reliance on gaming as boys do.As for hanging around they do that with the girls in the park!
When she's 16 I expect her to get a job to fund her more expensive years(when she's into makeup,boys and shopping)

Just hope- not all teenagers are the same. There are kids who follow their own path, have their own style and don't go crazy for labels

All teenagers are different. My dd is 16 and costs a lot more than ds (14) at the moment! She has her own style and doesn’t do designer however I’m pretty sure she eats as much as any boy her age and I’m still shocked at how much extra it costs to feed teenagers, they seem to inhale food!

Also find it’s the little things that add up in our house for example:
Shampoo, deodorant and shower gel, hair products, lotions and potions (although any make up or luxury products comes out their own money)
Hot water and electricity
Petrol ( they don’t do much outside school but like to see there friends and we’re quite rural)
Sanitary products and bras for dd (both essentials and dd an odd size so bras cost more than mine!)
Eating out and holidays for four adults now, although we don’t do it often.
School books for gcse plus extra school equipment.
Endless school trips ( they’re allowed to pick two a year)
School uniform and PE kit that they grow out of in six months.
If Dd goes to college next year another £25 a week in bus fare

The list goes on and my teenagers are by no means spoilt or particularly demanding. As others have said it’s pretty much like having two more adults in the house. Don’t know what I expected really it just sort of sneaks up on you