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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For those who pierce their baby's ears...

645 replies

Username7654321 · 29/11/2017 16:47

Would you see it as okay to pierce their nose? Eyebrow? Tongue? Why is it okay to stab a needle through the ear lobe, when presumably most people would be horrified by any other piercing on a baby?!

OP posts:
Beansonapost · 01/12/2017 17:09

pretty sure I said we should NOT accept every aspect of differing cultures....

But maybe respect it... you don't agree with it fine, but don't go making derogatory remarks about someone else's cultural practice... its very rude.

There are a lot of cultural practices in Britain that could be classed a chavy etc. but nobody bats an eyelid, as its tradition!

btw does "chav" mean the same a "ghetto".. or is it something completely different?

TimothyTaylor · 01/12/2017 17:11

Couldn't give a shit about it being cultural practice. It's appalling and I do massively judge it. Same way I judge circumcision and fgm. Pain caused to babies for an adult's warped sense of what's right and decent - cultural norms ffs.

sugaredstrawberries · 01/12/2017 17:36

Using derogatory statements is not stating an opinion (at least not in an amicable manner) it's merely slating others.

Pengggwn · 01/12/2017 17:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadeleineMaxwell · 01/12/2017 17:58

strawberries

Not picking up your dog's shit is disgusting.

Picking your nose in public is vile.

Kicking puppies is cruel.

Got any problems with those statements? They're all judgements.

Rebeccaslicker · 01/12/2017 17:59

Sugared - so not being judgey is more important to you than what someone actually does?

Bizarre!

funkky · 02/12/2017 05:29

I have been out with men with both circumcised and not. I know which I prefer. Judging by the Randyness of some cut men I’m sure they are not missing much

ProfessorLayton1 · 02/12/2017 06:48

I have seen number of threads regarding ear piercing on MN over the years and have always resisted commenting on it..
My two daughters have had their ear pierced when they turned one ... I dare any one to say that they are abused! They are dotted on and showered love by both of us and their extended family. Oh.. we are not chaavs - nothing wrong from being one though there are much worse things you can be in the world!!

Let me explain about this and won’t expect everyone to understand it and appreciate that you won’t be able to if you are not part of the culture.. just because you know us at work, go out etc does not make you experts on other people’s culture !!
We don’t just pop along to Claire’s to have our children’s ear pierced by some 16 year olds there..
It is considered an important mile stone in children’s life - invites are sent out weeks in advance, gather in a temple , generally hair is shaved off at the same time and ears pierced by a trained person whose family has been doing it for generations while the baby sits on its maternal uncle - both boys and girls get their ear pierced, boys tend to take their earrings off.. the maternal uncle starts his responsibility for that child and continues their responsibility through out its life - he is someone very special to the child, is very involved in their lives ( sort of god parent ). The earrings are ususally gold/ diamond presented by the baby’s grand parents ( you spend a day with your mother shopping for this, they generally give silk dress, presents along with this) and I am yet to see any complications- have seen so many children’s ear pierced in my life time and I am in my 40s
Of there is a big party after that - we don’t miss a trick to party!
My husband first told about us to his maternal uncle before he told his parents .. it is the start of a lovely relationship
My girls certainly share a special bond with my brothers
Yes you may see just the ear piercing but there are several layers to this!!
So judge if you want - it is a part of our culture!

aplaceinthesun · 02/12/2017 07:42

That sounds very interesting Professor. Can I ask what heritage that tradition is from?

ProfessorLayton1 · 02/12/2017 07:50

South Indian

ProfessorLayton1 · 02/12/2017 08:05

m.youtube.com/watch?v=jlq_EjUBx0E
Random YouTube video just to give a flavour — looks like two sisters have had children and the cousins are having their ears pierced sitting on their uncle.

Rebeccaslicker · 02/12/2017 08:12

Keep telling yourself and your giggling husband that, funkky.

Foreskins are natural. They are there for a good reason!

Rebeccaslicker · 02/12/2017 08:15

Sorry professor, but why can't you do all that when they are old enough to say if they want it doing? And then they would remember it too. What difference would it make, other than the parents liking the look of it on their young children?

I understand there are some religious reasons but an awful lot of things are done in the name of religion that aren't justified.

mathanxiety · 02/12/2017 08:19

My DDs asked to have their ears pierced in the runup to First Communion. I brought them to Claire's. They loved them. They preferred getting their ears pierced to getting their hair brushed every morning by a very wide margin. But I persisted with the hairbrush all the same, despite the howls of protest.

People get it done to express their heritage where I live. It's big in the US hispanic community and in many others.

Not worth getting all hot and bothered about imo. Certainly not worth getting into an argy bargy over it with presumably competent parents in Claire's. A little sense of perspective goes a long way.

Rebeccaslicker · 02/12/2017 08:20

Math - but wouldn't that be about 7, not 7 weeks or 7 months? There is a big difference I think.

mathanxiety · 02/12/2017 08:28

HamSandWitches Fri 01-Dec-17 13:14:17
2 eldest got their ears pierced without any problems, youngest got her done at the same age, had an accident and an operation to remove the earring lodged in her lobe which resulted in 48hrs in hospital and a 10hr wait in a&e on a Friday night.

One of my DDs had this problem. Woke up one Saturday morning and realised the ball of the stud was inside her earlobe. We took her to the ER where the Dr numbed the area and removed the stud. She was sent home immediately afterwards with a big wad of gauze taped around her earlobe. The entire episode lasted 1.5 hours, some of which was taken up with me washing her ear to see what the heck had happened.

Was there any issue that caused the overnight stay? DD had no problems at all and when her earlobe had healed for a while she went back for another piercing. It didn't put off her next younger sister from getting hers done when she was 7.

ProfessorLayton1 · 02/12/2017 08:43

Rebeccaslicker- people don’t wait till the children are old enough to christen them do they?
Our culture is full of traditions ( some of them are irrespective of their religion -Hindus, Muslim and Christians ) so they have plenty to remember
There needs to be a bit of perception when people comment on this!

mathanxiety · 02/12/2017 08:48

At 7 weeks or 7 months I would personally hold off. How would you manage to keep your baby from pulling them out and then choking on them, would be one of my concerns.

But I put babies and toddlers into baths that they didn't want to have, brushed tangles out of hair, kept on grocery shopping despite howls of rage from family members strapped into trolley seats. There's a lot that I did just because it was convenient for me or because I wanted DCs to look or smell a certain way. Dirt is not going to kill you, and I could probably have shopped another time. Unbrushed hair would definitely have been the DDs' choice.

I don't think there is that much of a difference. The DDs were not competent to make the decision to have their ears pierced at 7. I essentially took on that responsibility when I agreed to their wish to have it done. I didn't let them watch some of the movies, etc., that they wanted to see at age 7 or even older, so clearly I felt ear piercing was less harmful than watching something unsuitable. It boiled down to the fact that I thought they would look nice with pierced ears and felt it was a reasonably harmless thing to let them do.

One of them wanted a tattoo at age 16 but I wouldn't let her. She could have got it done at a dodgy place that wouldn't have requested ID - it's illegal here for anyone under 18 without parental consent. I took the chance that she would be sensible. Part of my objection to the tattoo idea is that it is permanent unlike an ear piercing, and also I do not think tattoos are attractive, especially as you age and parts of you sag (apologies to those who have them and like them). I did not give permission to another DD who wanted cartilege piercings in her teen years. (Needed here for those under 18 again). This was because of concern over healing and also concern over future first impressions at interviews, etc., though I am aware I am being a fuddy duddy here.

A good deal of my decision making was therefore informed by concern over aesthetics.

Rebeccaslicker · 02/12/2017 08:50

Professor - when christening leaves a permanent mark on the face, it will be the same thing!

ProfessorLayton1 · 02/12/2017 09:17

Did say people won’t understand it..
Continue to be judge people- never seen any child come to any harm due to this..
There are a lot of ceremonies right from child birth - women in that part of world feel supported as a result of these ( not just ear piercing), have higher breast feeding rates, fewer post natal depression, place very high value for the family unit as well as their extended family!
Definitely my two are not scared as a result of this!!
My dad who has just learnt to WhatsApp sent all the invitations he had printed for his eldest granddaughter, my Dd, who turned 17 this week- she was moved by all the things her family has done for her!
So far as I am concerned please concentrate your efforts on something worthwhile this weekend!

ProfessorLayton1 · 02/12/2017 09:18

Mean all the invitations he had printed for her various ceremonies.

JacquesHammer · 02/12/2017 09:30

Did say people won’t understand it..

Don't be patronising. I understand fully the importance of cultural practice.

That doesn't mean the less salubrious practices that are dressed up as "cultural norm" should happen without question. And for me removing body autonomy with no medical benefit comes under that umbrella

ProfessorLayton1 · 02/12/2017 09:51

I was not patronising at all but simply what I was expecting after reading a number of threads on this issue over a long period of time on MN and was one of the reasons why I stayed away from such threads so far.
I have tried my best to explain and asked if people could see it from another cultural point of view- people don’t and have their views and I respect that!
This won’t be the last thread where this issue will be discussed..
I have tried but people like me from different culture will not bother explaining it in future..
Off to work now...

funkky · 02/12/2017 10:05

Rebecca! Myself and my giggling husband?! The rudeness people like you express yourself is why it’s difficult to take you seriously.
I can understand people not piercing their babies ears fair enough, I cannot understand the anger it generates when majority of those who have had it done are quite frankly fine..!
What makes a 7,10 yr old okay to make that kind of choice. It just makes you feel good about yourself saying you let your daughter make a choice. Lots of things I wanted to do at that age and I’m glad my mum put her big girl pants on and took decisions when she should have. the reason you have kids with crazy attitudes all over the place exercising their so called choice.

DeleteOrDecay · 02/12/2017 10:18

What a ridiculous post funkky.