About primary school tour

[Rockandrollwithit]

Disclaimer: I'm on the senior leadership team of a primary school, although on mat leave at the moment.

DS1 will be starting primary school next year. Our catchment school is the only one we stand a chance of getting him into and it's outstanding and over subscribed.

I booked a tour round the school and was told not to bring my preschooler. That's fine, he's at preschool anyway.

DS2 is two months old and poorly. He was born with oesophageal atresia and had surgery on the second day of his life followed by a long spell in NICU. He's been in and out of hospital since and has problems with breathing / blue spells. I can't leave him with anyone.

So this morning I turned up for the tour with DS2 asleep in the baby carrier (no pushchair). The receptionist said that it's no children allowed so I explained the situation. DH has had almost two months of compassionate leave from his job as a teacher so there's no way he could have time off to look after the baby. She went off to confer with the headteacher, the result of which was that I wasn't allowed to join the tour. They have no other slots available until after the application deadline so I will now not be able to look around the school before applying.

Were they BU? I understand that children can be disruptive but I think that my situation isn't a normal one.

DS1's life has been drastically changed by having a poorly brother and I feel guilty that I haven't been able to do even this normal thing for him.

I'd be sceptical of any primary school not allowing you to take a child on the tour - I would actually expect that many people do actually choose to take their preschooler who is due to start there. Most people I know did, and we certainly allow them on the tours round our school. As for not allowing a tiny baby - ridiculous.

I have to say that it would put me off the school full stop.

It's really not that disruptive though, they only look in the classroom for a couple of mins and then move on.

I agree. We always have children on our tours. We have 2 full days of tour days, plus then more informally arranged ones. The tour day ones are groups of adults (and children) coming round as a group of say10 or so. A few groups morning and afternoon. Children in school are briefed about it so know to expect visitors in school. Informal ones are often just one set of parents, often with their child. We dont always know much in advance of these but our children know that we sometimes get visitors and that it means they just keep going with their work, and its not the time to call out, get distracted or be silly. Our 4-7 year old pupils manage this easily, so tours with children are no real distraction here.

@Dixiechick

Good idea, I will contact the LA and ask if any schools were under subscribed. I don't mind a bit of travel for the right school. As previous posters have said, I'm not concerned about OFSTED ratings, I want a happy, welcoming environment for DS.

However I know it is more than likely that we will end up with this school due to catchment area. I will send an email restating why I can't attend without DS2 and ask again if they can accommodate this given the circumstances. I don't feel comfortable not seeing the school at all.

It's really not that disruptive though, they only look in the classroom for a couple of mins and then move on.

Depends on the school layout. DC's infants school was all open plan and to see most of the school involved basically walking through lessons/children doing activities.

YANBU. I'm appalled the school doesn't welcome the actual pupil whose school it's going to be to look round the school. Nevermind a baby in a carrier (totally understand about pushchairs)

A non child friendly school? No chance I'd want my DDs going there. Incidentally both our now Reception DD and her then 18 month old sister came with us on a open day tour. DD1 was naughty climbing on the gym equipment so I managed her behaviour. DD2 was better behaved but still into everything. The Y6 girls who took us on the second part of the tour were fantastic and chatted to all 4 of us. The children and teachers of the classrooms we went in were very welcoming and accommodating. Yours is not a normal experience.

I think the school was unreasonable, I’d also feel it would be unreasonable even with a totally healthy baby to say no! My almost two year old came on one tour with me and my three year old on another - I’d have been very put off if a school wasn’t welcoming of children, never mind tiny babies!

It wouldn’t have even crossed my mind that I couldn’t take a tiny baby. It would worry me about their pastoral care and approach to family/school partnership. I took my 2 year old to look round a number of school. It’s a school for the kids!

I would be annoyed but I wouldn't necessarily take it as meaning the whole school is crap.
My DD goes to an Outstanding school on our street. They wouldn't let me view it at all- said that I had missed the dates (not advertised online and all early in the Autumn) and basically told me to piss off. I had to content myself with staring through the railings (that is not an exaggeration). They knew they were wildly oversubscribed and so couldn't have cared less if I applied or not.
When she got in, I found that the school was fine, the office manager a dragon and the headteacher was leaving anyway.
So I would say don't necessarily write it off over this one silly interaction.
I hope your DS is well now
If it helps, a visitor attraction once refused entrance to me as I had a six week old baby asleep in a sling inside my coat (so they didn't even see her when I first went in)- health and safety of an Under-16 blah blah. I was especially fuming as it was so hard to get out of the house so I was proud of myself getting out at all!

A school that’s not child-friendly? Or flexible? I’m not sure I’d want my children going there!

They’re in the business of parents, so they need to consider parents bringing siblings and accommodate as best they can. Some parents have access to childcare but some don’t. I try to avoid, but if I really have to take my younger one along to things like this, I apologise and promise to remove ourselves immediately if he starts playing up. I think that’s reasonable?!

I think it’s more terrible they didn’t let you take in a practically newborn baby in a carrier given the special situation... Totally bonkers!

When they said don't bring your preschooler why didn't you clarify other children so that they weren't put on the spot??

I'd be sceptical of any primary school not allowing you to take a child on the tour - I would actually expect that many people do actually choose to take their preschooler who is due to start there.

We took our girl on our tour of her (now) school. She had been nervous of the thought of starting school. She loved it more than we did and couldn’t wait to start.

For me this would be a big red flag.

(If you really have no other choice of school there's not much you can do, but...)

Expect not to be allowed to bring your children to parents evening, or to bring the little one to assembly, carol service, plays and performances, phonics information evenings etc etc.

Sounds like it's not a family friendly school.

Our school have rules like that and have stood firm at all times. I’m surprised you didn’t call and ask ahead of the time if you knew you were doing something they specifically asked you not to do?

Gosh was a ridged inflexible school. Such a small thing to ask. My school wouldn’t have blinked

YANBU, that would put me off the school.