About primary school tour

[Rockandrollwithit]

Disclaimer: I'm on the senior leadership team of a primary school, although on mat leave at the moment.

DS1 will be starting primary school next year. Our catchment school is the only one we stand a chance of getting him into and it's outstanding and over subscribed.

I booked a tour round the school and was told not to bring my preschooler. That's fine, he's at preschool anyway.

DS2 is two months old and poorly. He was born with oesophageal atresia and had surgery on the second day of his life followed by a long spell in NICU. He's been in and out of hospital since and has problems with breathing / blue spells. I can't leave him with anyone.

So this morning I turned up for the tour with DS2 asleep in the baby carrier (no pushchair). The receptionist said that it's no children allowed so I explained the situation. DH has had almost two months of compassionate leave from his job as a teacher so there's no way he could have time off to look after the baby. She went off to confer with the headteacher, the result of which was that I wasn't allowed to join the tour. They have no other slots available until after the application deadline so I will now not be able to look around the school before applying.

Were they BU? I understand that children can be disruptive but I think that my situation isn't a normal one.

DS1's life has been drastically changed by having a poorly brother and I feel guilty that I haven't been able to do even this normal thing for him.

A newborn is not 'a kid', it's a tiny baby only a few weeks old, so whether the school says no siblings or not, you CAN'T leave a newborn (even without health issues) just like that.

Schools that are oversubscribed (or who assume themselves to be the only school option) don't need to try to attract parents

We had this with our secondary school, they could not give a MONKEY'S if the tour was convenient or not, or if we felt welcome, they were FURIOUS at another school for 'touting' THEIR catchment area.

We chose the other school, it just felt so good the second we got there, a couple of months on and my DC is a different child to the one at primary school, he's HAPPY and I know they care about him

This stuff is so important, especially if you have another little one who takes up time you'd likely spend with your preschooler, he will need a place he feels happy and he'll possibly need support etc

For longer term can your mum or another friend/relative have the training? Not to allow you to leave them for school visits but just incase any sort of emergency comes up.

@Sirzy

That's a good idea, I'm sure my Mum would do it. Then I just need to work up to actually leaving him!

Could you write and explain the circumstances and ask if they'll do a private tour with you and the baby. If they say no at least you'll know what they are like

The school sounds very unreasonable to not let you join!

On another note my dd also had OA at birth, it's not often I hear people mention it!! Hope your little one is doing well xx

Everything you say makes sense, rockandrollwithit. However, I still think it's worth that follow up call. One of your main concerns (as I read) is how the school will care for DS1 (and possibly DS2) in a long-term difficult situation. It's quite possible that once they have a chance to understand and verify this you'll have exactly the support you need from the school, and that the 'stickler' element will be an advantage.

Our catchment school (as well extremely over subscribed, also a faith school) wouldn’t even allow us to book a visit as we are not catholic and as such would stand no chance of getting in, they had also advised no babies allowed on visits. Other schools just outside of catchment and not as over subscribed couldn’t have been more friendly and welcoming (one HT carried our infant DD around the school with us so we could look round properly). The experience has proven that where the school does not need to try then they won’t however I would rather send my DS to a “good” school with a welcoming atmosphere than “outstanding” and be made to feel like an inconvenience! Hopefully OP you find somewhere that provides everything you need.

We are a big oversubscribed school with around one tour per day with kids fine to come along. Some days we have a morning and afternoon tour! They really aren't disruptive - our kids just carry on and if one tour is occasionally disruptive it's only a few mins of the day. I just don't think 'it's disruptive' is a good enough excuse and I say that as a teacher. I can understand child free in environments unsuitable for kids but schools are literally designed to accommodate the ups and downs of children!

I agree they are not welcoming, and it does suggest that the Head and SMT will be equally as rigid with any other issues that your family needs help with.

This would really put me off a school to be honest. Our school is welcoming and inclusive. During the open morning parents ate invited to leave their children with the preschool class if they wish or take them on the tour with them. Hope you can find a solution op.

Very unreasonable of the school. I’ve been on six primary school tours in the last couple of months and loads of people brought babies in slings and a few brought toddlers - what are people supposed to do.

never heard of kids being banned from primary school tours and I'vebeen on several.

It would make me think the school are uptight and unfriendly and not considerate of normal family life - would completely put me off. Not everyone can afford to pay for childcare for a preschooler or has family help.

Kids are part of life! so what if there is a bit of disruption - the tour doesn't take long. God people are uptight.

I think Firecraker2 is winding you up on purpose, at least I hope they are .

Yes, leave your tiny baby that may need resuscitating with a stranger and hope they'd manage if there was a problem. Or better still, your husband shouldn't have used up his leave when the baby was in hospital.

I'd also be massively put off the school. I'd write to the head/governors and explain your disappointment at them essentially blocking you from being able to view the school.

• can rescucitate him, which I have had to do twice whilst waiting for an ambulance. DH and I were trained to do this by NICU staff. Not anyone can do that.

And DH has not prioritised work. His school have very considerately given him two months compassionate leave so they are understandably reluctant to allow time off for a school tour.*

Then don't go. There is absolutely no need for you to go.You said yourself this is the only one your kid has any chance of getting in to, so why does it matter whether you look round before or after the application goes in?

I don’t think it would have been allowed at my DC school. I know what you’re saying and I’m extremely sympathetic but I suspect from the school’s perspective they’ve heard this before and it has been a problem in terms of a disruptive infant and / or space for the pushchair, plus setting precedence with other parents. They might also have been concerned from a safeguarding issue that if you had to leave the whole group would all have to move to as you wouldn’t be able to move around the school unaccompanied. Not saying it’s necessarily right just offering up a view, particularly as you didn’t raise this with them beforehand (despite you knowing it would be an issue that you hoped they’d give you an exception for).

If it’s your only choice you may still need to apply and go for the school.

It would put me off a school. The best schools are communities not optimal data centres. Younger siblings are potentially the future pupils of the school. I agree that if this is their stance now, it's likely that you'll have issues for parent's evening and events. I'm not sure how many people other than SAHP of only/ youngest children would actually get to anything. As potentially disruptive as toddlers can be, I don't support bans as it's unfair on well behaved children, people without a support network and people with specific needs like OP's family.

I remember carrying DS2 on a tour- he was about 2. I can't remember if pushchairs were an issue. He wasn't disruptive... however in all KS2 classrooms, I got greeted with "Hello Snowy Owl!"
(I wonder if this head would ban community leaders )

particularly as you didn’t raise this with them beforehand (despite you knowing it would be an issue that you hoped they’d give you an exception for). ... and the like...

Are other people somehow reading a different OP than I did? (and follow up comments confirming the same!) OP did not know it was an issue. This was sprung on OP in the office before the tour. She was told not to bring her preschooler. She wasn't told 'no children'. That only occured when she showed up with a 2-month-old with complex health needs!

Yanbu

This would make me a bit sweary TBH

I can't believe how heartless and goady some of these posts are. The OP has said that she wasn't told beforehand that no children were allowed, only that she shouldn't bring her preschooler, which she didn't do. Just read the OP, she is not raising an entitled snowflake, she has a seriously ill baby!

I would be very put off a school with that attitude, especially after you'd explained the situation. Our school secretary looked after my sleeping 18 month old in his infant carrier while the head gave my 3 year old and I a personal tour.

I would have a look at other options. If you're near any villages, some of them have spaces every year.

YANBU, even without the additional health reasons, there is no reason why a little baby in a carrier shouldn't have been allowed. If other parents complained, they could simply say that your baby had been very poorly and you had no choice. Who would argue with that?

It probably doesn’t bode well for how the school will be. Ring your LA and ask if any other schools were unsubscribed. I know people with children in village schools I would never have imagined they would get in simply as they knew they unsubscribed and applied. Dd’s primary School was catholic and very caring family atmosphere. It makes a huge difference. In difficult situations they cared rather than make life more difficult eg child in dds class with baby sibling with cancer and a dad who worked away, no hassle if his mum needed to pick up early if baby had hospital apt an hour away etc.

Perhaps there was a miscommunication - the person who went off to confer with the HT might have said, woman has an ill baby can she come? HT said no - she might have thought your ds2 was 9 months old with a mild cold or something like that.

Hmm. It's difficult. Schools that are so inflexible and rule based can turn out not to be nurturing environments for children. I think they can be ok for kids who are very smart and very obedient but anyone not conforming to their narrow ideal is not wanted or gets chewed up by the place.

If your ds1 is smart and obedient then perhaps you can consider the school for him and then reassess when your ds2 is school age. If you could get ds2 into a different school based on his needs you might be able to transfer ds1 at that time as a sibling.

The school WBU not to specify "no children" when you phoned.

They W also BU to hold the tour during the working day (unless they offer them at times suitable for parents who work 9 to 5 too).