About primary school tour

[Rockandrollwithit]

Disclaimer: I'm on the senior leadership team of a primary school, although on mat leave at the moment.

DS1 will be starting primary school next year. Our catchment school is the only one we stand a chance of getting him into and it's outstanding and over subscribed.

I booked a tour round the school and was told not to bring my preschooler. That's fine, he's at preschool anyway.

DS2 is two months old and poorly. He was born with oesophageal atresia and had surgery on the second day of his life followed by a long spell in NICU. He's been in and out of hospital since and has problems with breathing / blue spells. I can't leave him with anyone.

So this morning I turned up for the tour with DS2 asleep in the baby carrier (no pushchair). The receptionist said that it's no children allowed so I explained the situation. DH has had almost two months of compassionate leave from his job as a teacher so there's no way he could have time off to look after the baby. She went off to confer with the headteacher, the result of which was that I wasn't allowed to join the tour. They have no other slots available until after the application deadline so I will now not be able to look around the school before applying.

Were they BU? I understand that children can be disruptive but I think that my situation isn't a normal one.

DS1's life has been drastically changed by having a poorly brother and I feel guilty that I haven't been able to do even this normal thing for him.

I’m also wondering how teachers doing tours are unable to cope with distraction and disruption. Schools are distracting and disruptive. Are they trying to pretend their teachers are so ineffective they cannot deal with a class being distracted for a couple of minutes? Or that they can’t keep a room full of adults focussed when a baby is crying? Or that they are so amazing, their classes are full of children who are so well behaved they absolutely never distract anyone. What kind of information are they giving which is so vital is must be heard? A school which doesn’t want children - I’ve heard it all now!

Yanbu
Any school that can't handle half an hour of children 3 and under when they are in the business of caring for and educating 4 year olds would make me consider another school and I say that as someone who has spent the majority of my working life in schools.

A nativity play or such with much weeks of practice is different to a class being disrupted in the run up to Christmas for a few minutes by a lady with a baby with special needs.

To me this is a bit like the "no children" thing at weddings - two month old babies don't count, as realistically what you are saying is "no new parents"

YANBU

We didn't get a place at our preferred school, kept our place at the allocated school, went on the waiting list for preferred school. We live in a high mobility area, were 3rd on the list, and got a place in June, just in time for settling days. Now very happy at the (more flexible and helpful with SN children) preferred school.

Pay attention. This school is showing you what they are.

Our infants was 'outstanding'. Apparently.

they regularly scheduled meetings with only hours of warning and insisted on no siblings.

I would not send my pet ROCK to that school of yours my dear, keep trying with the other schools. Could you consider private? is that an option?

YANBU at all

This sounds terrible. I've been going to primary school open day/tours recently and there have always been small babies/children present, including my own LO on one occasion.

Nobody there has batted an eyelid and the tour has just gone on with the children present. On one tour, the headmistress made a point with chatting to all the children who were there, asking their names etc.
It wasn't an issue at all.

To be honest, it would really put me off the school.

rockandrollwithin

Never underestimate the benefit of a good management team. I am in contact with a lot of parents in our LA area who have children with varying additional needs. Within the same council area our experiences are hugely different and the one constant factor in why things are going right or wrong, is the attitude of the head teacher and deputies and whether they are willing to do what is right for the individual despite the rules.

Also- I think your experience tells you a lot about the school and their approach etc.

I barely register what the Ofsted rating is for a school- it really doesn't matter as long as the school feels right for my LO.

Quite a few friends/acquaintances are obsessed with Ofsted and will only consider outstanding schools, have a meltdown at the thought of sending their LO to a good/satisfactory school.

Dunno, that's my point of view- I speak as somebody with absolutely no experience with primary education/am going through the process for the first time.

I was surprised how many posters were saying "YABU, you knew not to take a child"! Your baby has a medical condition. Allowing him in with you is not an unreasonable adjustment, surely the Equality Act would apply? I'd very wary of any school that seems less inclusive than they should be.

I understand why young children can be undesirable in some settings, but a school...?

I would be thinking about other options too OP, I'm sorry school entry is difficult where you are. You don't need that on top!

Schools that are over subscribed don't need to try to attract parents. That is why they are often inflexible and not understanding.
I would leave that school well alone, even if it is your nearest one.
I say that as a Headteacher!

Your situation may be unique but another parent won't realize that - they'll just see that school allowed you to bring your child and not them.

This is such a bogus argument. And one I hear as an excuse all the time when I’m told an organisation can’t make reasonable adjustments for our girl. It is lazy and anyone who can’t deal properly with is shouldn’t be running a public organisation.

I park in the staff car park accompany our girl into the playground in the morning, which is a big no-no but is done by agreement with the school. It needs to happen for her own safety and so that the school don’t have to allocate additional resource to collect her from the gate and so that she can do what her friends do. I raised the issue of “other parents” with the school and they were quite clear that it is up to them to deal with any disgruntled parents and that their responsibility was to their pupil, not to whinging parents.

YANBU, I took DD2 with me, she was 18 months, got whiny so I stuck her on my boob and carried her round feeding. I'm sure the headmaster got a flash as he hasn't been able to look me in the face since

Not very 'family friendly' for a school

That is horrendous!

I'd really be put off even if they said no children never mind babies. I've brought my pre-schooler who will be going to the school at every school to look round!

I've conducted several school tours at my children's primary - they are a bit hectic and there is usually one child that cries a bit at some stage but that's all part of it, none of the children who are actually at the school seem to mind and it's only for two mornings a year. It's bizarre to say that children shouldn't be allowed in under any circumstances . Like many others, I'd be shocked that a school could be so rigid. I would write a very measured letter to the head teacher again reiterating your situation and asking for their thoughts. I am hoping that the HT wasn't given the full picture by the receptionist.

Yanbu it would put me off the school. They sound like one of those outstanding schools with their heads up their backside. They know they will be oversubscribed so don't want to bother.

I'd listen - they are talking loud and clear about the kind of culture at the school. Can't believe anyone can possibly think this is a reasonable position to take, but some of the answers on this thread remind me what a depressingly large proportion of the population like rules so much that they forget to use their brains.

@TurquoiseDress

I think your approach is right. I've worked at the same school for a number of years and it is a school I would be happy to send my children to (but is too far away). It's had various OFSTED ratings but has stayed the same throughout.

My dsis sent her DS to her local outstanding primary school, over subscribed area so little flexibility, it was very formal and unsupportive of any additional support needs. It very much seemed that even very small DC had to fit into the school in the correct way to keep the school's rating.
Initially I was a little jealous as our local village school was only rated good. After six months I realised I had been a total prat. Our school was welcoming and much more based around the individual children's needs.
YANBU.

Yup, they sound awful - Originalfoogirl and others are bang on the money. "Rules is rules" is not the approach you want in the people looking after your littlies.

Boundaried, of course - but sensible and kind to the needs of individuals, too.

I can understand why people are saying that other parents may not have understood. I get that. But life is extremely hard when you have a seriously ill newborn and even small things become very difficult. For the past two months we've lived day to day not sure what each day would bring. I hope not too many of the other parents there would be able to understand that. It also makes you tired and over emotional, hence why this has upset me!

On balance, I feel like the school have not been very compassionate and this is a concern for me for the future when DS2 is of school age. I want a school that understands that sometimes flexibility is needed. Unfortunately DS2 will need special treatment in the future and I want him to be in a caring environment.

Why can't you leave him with anyone else? what do you do that a trusted relative or friend couldn't.In any case not the school's problem, if you were that set on looking round your DH should not have prioritised work

OMG FireCracker2 please just tell me that you didn't read the whole thread and that you really aren't as heartless as you have come across in your post

OP I am really sorry the school have treated you like this really not on IMO after you explained and all.

In any case not the school's problem

Gosh! Our school would be bending over backwards to support families, especially where there are unusual circumstances. It's supposed to be a family/school partnership...

@firecracker

I can rescucitate him, which I have had to do twice whilst waiting for an ambulance. DH and I were trained to do this by NICU staff. Not anyone can do that.

And DH has not prioritised work. His school have very considerately given him two months compassionate leave so they are understandably reluctant to allow time off for a school tour.

I hope you are never in a similar situation.