never been invited to my sons house.

[pinky12]

My son lived on his own fro 3 years before he got married and i use to see him regularly, and visit his flat, now he has been married 15 months i have not been to his place once, even though his wife and him come to see us regularly to have dinner at home or in a restaurant, and they are both happy for me and my husband to fork out on expensive gifts for them including holidays. Her parents live some distance away but they visit them often, what have i done wrong.

Maybe they think you would find travelling a hassle? PIL have never been to our house either. It's not that they are unwelcome, they just don't generally like to leave their own house.

Ease off with the expensive gifts and paying for holidays.

I would not take offence too much with the visiting situation because if they didn't like you they definitely wouldn't come and visit you!

You need to speak to your DS and DIL about wanting to visit as they may not even know that you are wanting to visit.

It could be they like coming to visit you in your home and town as DS and DIL may feel more comfortable at your home and enjoy coming to visit.
Just casually mention that you would like to visit them at some point and see how they how they are doing.

I'm sure that they would be more than happy to have you visit

yes he lives less than 2 miles away

I wish I could have a normal happy relationship with my mil however she has made it clear that deep down she hates me and will never accept me (20 years of subtle bullying and passive aggressive non-sense has made that perfectly obvious). As such I can't be bothered to keep up the pretence anymore and she is no longer welcome in my home.

YANBU. It’s strange they haven’t invited you for a meal and quite thoughtless of both of them.

I have a key to his flat and would just turn up- take him meals etc

Just go. He's family.

Is he leaving in the same place?
Did you just turn up without notice?
And you wonder why they go to yours?

Tell him you want to pop round and see him.

And stop spending loads of money on them. A few lovely gifts is great but best to keep it to a reasonable level.

Good luck.

OH just turning up is not ok.

Ffs, living.

Nonsense loads of threads about love ING mil even now threads mm what to buy lovely Mil etc. People who have awful mils have had life ripped apart so yes they come here to share find solace and get it off chests With plenty, too many women in same situation!

I have never invited my parents to my house. Not once.

They’re here about once a month.

Why would you need an invitation to visit your own child? My MIL used to be a “sit about and wait for an invite” person. We never invited her. Not because we didn’t want to, but because, it actually never occurred to us to do so. When Mr Foo lived with his brother she was forever just popping round. In fact, the first time I ever met her, I was sitting in his living room wearing Mr Foo’s dressing gown on a Sunday morning. When we got married and lived in the same house, she stopped doing that. It apparently became our responsibility to make sure she was invited often enough and that’s just annoying. Only after about the 5th or 6th time she complained about never beo8ng invited and we told her to invite herself, did she actually realise it was up to her to organise when to visit.

When your son comes to visit you, do you invite him?

So you used to just turn up and take meals? In that case it’s you that has stopped going round as opposed to them not inviting you.
My in laws never come round and I’ve never ‘invited’ them either. My family however will turn up whenever. If we’re in we’re in and if we’re not we’re not.

Maybe he thinks you don't want to go if you haven't mentioned it.

We never invite MIL round but she turns up every week. I suspect they don't invite you because they see you a lot anyway.

Oh, and we hate in when she forces us to go on holiday - she pays - every year! It sounds great but it really isn't.

Why on earth can't you just say you'd like to see where they live so could you pop round sometime? Maybe they just don't realise you're waiting for an invite?

You're not being very helpful OP. People have asked you lots of questions to try and help you, and you've only replied with two, one line answers.

"next time we get together can we come to you?"

2 miles & you've not been?M that's nuts. I'd say ' we'd love to come see your home-would that be ok?'

See what he says & if its vague, say 'we're all free the next couple of weeks-let us know when suits'

Just make sure you don't criticise anything & take a bunch of flowers & wine or something. If possible gush a bit. Either they're embarrassed or slovenly. Neither of which matter, just ensure you make it seem like yo feel happy & comfortable when you eventually get into their home

Oh are you supposed to invite parents round?
Mum: we're coming through to Tesco later, are you in?
Me: Yes, let me know when you're done & I'll stick the kettle on.

Pil are never invited around anymore as I don't want to be made miserable in my own home!
But if you have a good relationship with them, maybe just ask if it's possible to visit sometime or ask why you never get invited around anymore.

My son visits in in laws quiet often but they also come to his house as his wife invites them. I am aware they have been there 3 times in the last 3 months.

many times I have said i.ll bring the food as well but no response from dil.

maybe you are right, but i think it would be nice if they asked us to come over as she is always having her family and friends over.