To feel sorry for some posters on AIBU?

[passemoilevin]

Even ones that have BU. They have hundreds of people scrambling to call them names, call their kids names etc. Not just a page, but 20 pages absolutely laying into them off the back of one silly post of a couple of hundred words.

I've been on the firing line, and it's made me feel absolutely shit, and I'd never post here again except in a lighthearted scenario even after a few wines (except this one clearly).--

I get that this is what AIBU is all about. And honesty is appreciated. But calling people cunts over the silliest stuff, saying they shouldn't be parents, saying they're not surprised nobody likes them etc when clearly the poster is vulnerable and down. What do people gain from that? I don't get it.

YABU because.. is easy enough to say. You are a stupid unreasonable cunt and I feel sorry for your poor children to have a mother like you is never acceptable IMO. Sometimes I feel desperately sorry for some posters on here, and feel others forget they are real people.

It’s incredible to watch how post spiral out of control though with people getting increasingly hysterical. E.g someone posts about how they had a go at their kid for something now they aren’t sure if they were OTT... fair enough people weigh in yes/no but on so many threads sooner or later posters start to up the ante until they’re talking like the OP staves their child and keeps it locked in a cold and drafty garret shouting obscenities through the key hole.... throwing around words like ‘abuse’, saying how they feel sorry for their kids...

BBTHREE76 the 'grabs popcorn' posters are the internet equivalent of the tricoteuse.

Slacker - I find the relationship AIBU ones incredible too. Sometimes it's justified but sometimes posters have hung drawn and quartered an entire relationship on very little evidence. Others ghoulishly ask for updates as if it's an episode of "Neighbours" (or whatever the cool kids are watching these days!).

SlackerMum1
It’s incredible to watch how post spiral out of control

I agree. It's been happening today even. I just cannot believe it. Posters who can't understand what another poster is trying to say because a post was confusingly written are all condemned as lacking cognitive skills and other brain-questioning insults, deliberately not understanding, etc etc. If someone goes against the majority and says YABU and explains their reasons why, some posters have jumped on this and then make up whole scenarios of evil that must account for what they describe as the poster's 'lack of understanding'.

It's all so hostile and full of some seriously, seriously weird assumptions. I have heard about the funeral thread on here so I've just taken a look. It's like war. There again, a turning point seems to take place when somebody is full of hostility and then assumes another poster is coming from a certain perspective/believes something they haven't said they believe and then argues and argues.

It's as if a widespread paranoia has swept MN and some posters simply cannot believe that other people don't have an agenda, aren't members of some secret society, aren't paid-up members of any political party/campaign. How did that obsession with believing ulterior motives all start?

I've always accepted aibu as been much more direct than any other form I've encountered.
It's about someone in the post been unreasonable so it's safe to expect it to become more heated than other forums.
I don't agree with name calling or been nasty there's a way to get your point across without resorting to that.
However some people don't like the truth or opinions opposing their own and are quick to play the victim card when things don't go their way.

I'm not on here very often so not familiar with usernames much but it's pretty clear that some people are using this thread , under the cover of niceness, to have digs at regular posters who's posting style they don't approve of. It's really the same as any aibu thread dressed up as been kind

I doubt very much these harsh posters lead the sad miserable lives so many believe they do. I work with the public and a lot of people are delighted with themselves but are miserable as hell to people they don't know.

I think the fact that lighthearted posts now have to be prefaced with 'lighthearted obviously...' speaks volumes.

And no matter how lighthearted the thread you will always have some po-faced misery merchant come along to drag the tone down for everyone

Deemail I don't agree with your second paragraph, it's not a case of not approving of someone's posting style it is questioning whether that style is reasonable, appropriate or warranted. Surely posters who are happy to be aggressive, demeaning or sneery should be prepared to be criticised for that or is it a case of being able to dish it out but not take it?

Cass as I say I'm not on here much so I don't know the extent of it all
I've found myself getting frustrated with some people when they clearly only posted to hear how right they were. I don't see the point in asking for opinions if you refuse to even attempt to look at it through someone else's eyes, I'm sure I've came across as critical sometimes without necessarily meaning to be.
If it were me though I'd rather it said directly and my username be mentioned rather than thinly veiled references to "certain posters"

Or is it not allowed to call people on it?

Deemail when I'm saying 'certain posters' I don't have any particular posters in mind I'm rather using the phrase to describe a certain type of poster who seems to revel in laying into other posters, perhaps I should have made that clearer.

It is frustrating if people don't really want to hear another opinion but how is a full scale verbal kicking going to make them change that position? Who does that help - the poster on the receiving end or the poster enjoying dishing out the barracking? If a poster doesn't want opinion or advice and is just expecting validation why bother wasting time with them? Just click away and leave them to it.

Some of the attitudes towards social housing tenants on this board are disgusting.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3099088-Just-had-a-falling-out-with-my-builder?pg=1

I really hate being told "this is AIBU, a simple yes or no will suffice" because honestly that would just leave a really borring thread of YANBU/YABU/random .

Also I do try to RTFT but if it's 30 pages I dont have the spare 3 day I only read page 1 and this page of this thread

And eventually someone will say at some point "don't you all have lives?"

I have also been told that because DH and I are happily in a monogamous relationship that it must be mutually abusive and controlling.

Lol. I’ve been told that because DH and I rate respect more highly than fidelity we are judging other relationships- when in actual fact I was the one being judged!

Sinister no-one is saying a simple YABU or YANBU will suffice people are saying there is no need for the vitriol in some of the comments that accompany said YABU or YANBU.

If a thread is 30 pages long do you really think your opinion/comment, or something very close to it won't have already been posted? If you don't at the very least read the OP's updates and only read the first and last page of the thread how do you know that the OP has not agreed that they are reasonable/unreasonable and the matter has been concluded, what is the point of then adding something that is no longer relevant or warranted?

To be fair it's almost worth it when the poster's name is SinisterBumFacedCat. Who wouldn't want to read that post??!

I was hoping this thread, of all threads would be one l wouldn't get told off on.

I would dearly love to be able to read a full 30 page thread but I have a job/kids to feed/a DH to spend minimal parts of the day with/box sets to watch/books to read. Yes you can read the OPs posts only but it still means scrolling through page after page looking for the highlighted post, if there was a "read only OPs posts" button it would be great. I don't ALWAYS read only the first and last page, but it's how I start reading a thread generally, if I leave a comment that someone else has already said it's not the end of the world. If were required to be original every time we speak people would give up talking altogether. And unless my comments are contributing to the environmental equivalent of internet landfill I'm not about to feel guilty about it. It's funny how debate is stringently policed by some on here.

Thanks Rebecca for the name appreciation

Sinister I'm not telling you off but I can't, personally, see the point of the same/extremely similar comment made over and over again on a thread. Not the end of the world but if its the 300th time it has been said I think the OP will have got the message long before then. Did you ever read/see the thread which 'Cancel the Cheque' originates from? 100's of posters helpfully telling the OP to cancel the cheque when she had said on page 1 of the thread that the cheque had already been cashed, it was ludicrous.

Also, if an OP has agreed about 3 pages into a thread that they were being unreasonable what is gained by telling them 10 pages later that they are unreasonable?

YANBU. I completely agree. Have read some awful comments on here recently. I can only imagine there are some incredibly sad people who have so little in there lives they hang around on here to stick the boot into others making themselves feel better.
I particularly dislike the ones who don't read the op properly and then pick up some tiny unimportant snippet, take it out of context and totally slate the op for it.
Not pleasant at all.

I do think that the robust responses of AIBU have become nastier, and have lost the wittiness that used to be a notable characteristic.

And that this has coincided with people using the topics way less (not a single Meghan thread in the topic, for example.

So I think it's like that because it's what people want.

@SinisterBumFacedCat you don't have to scroll through 30 pages to read updates. Just switch the thread to view 100 posts at a time (Ta da! Now it's only 3 or 4 pages!)

Then do a find on the page using your browser to find the OP's user name. Then just read the updates and skip the usual useless tripe of posters piling in.

I think people not reading the updates does have to do with a lack of savvy computer skills sometimes.

I have read threads in the past where there’s been a massive change in opinion, mainly from YANBU to YABU. It’s bizarre. Three or so pages of YANBU/agreement then someone posts a YABU and most of the subsequent posters agree and start going YABU. It’s a mob mentality.