To feel sorry for some posters on AIBU?

[passemoilevin]

Even ones that have BU. They have hundreds of people scrambling to call them names, call their kids names etc. Not just a page, but 20 pages absolutely laying into them off the back of one silly post of a couple of hundred words.

I've been on the firing line, and it's made me feel absolutely shit, and I'd never post here again except in a lighthearted scenario even after a few wines (except this one clearly).--

I get that this is what AIBU is all about. And honesty is appreciated. But calling people cunts over the silliest stuff, saying they shouldn't be parents, saying they're not surprised nobody likes them etc when clearly the poster is vulnerable and down. What do people gain from that? I don't get it.

YABU because.. is easy enough to say. You are a stupid unreasonable cunt and I feel sorry for your poor children to have a mother like you is never acceptable IMO. Sometimes I feel desperately sorry for some posters on here, and feel others forget they are real people.

Oops cut off in my prime. Last sentence should read:

is a total and utter car crash.

There does seem to be a proliferation lately of posters who seem very smug and think they are very clever to have spewed out their vitriol and "told it like it is" to an OP. The harsh reality is those type of posters are pathetic bullies who run a mile when challenged and I have no doubt that they would never dare to repeat what they write to someone in person.

Has anyone read the acting up at a wake thread? Absolute prime example of the kinds of behaviour described here.

I think an estimate of 30% of threads being real is vastly overestimating it.

There are some interesting debates in some threads and i enjoy reading them and sometimes get involved.

But there is also a lot of crap to sift through too. Some are just plainly ridiculous, some should just be googled, some are boring, some are 500 times repeated, some are goady.

I think its fair to call people out on bullshit and being unreasonable but people should try to remain civil. Sometimes there can be too much pussyfooting around. Criticize the action not the person.

It is interesting how the first few replies seem to set the tone but it may just be that everyone does agree

I also think the op sets the tone.

When the title is' aibu to have been crying and absolutely horrified and disgusted' then you read op and its something trivial like a cat looked at them funny or dh forgot to buy an onion, then the hyperbole gets reflected back at them

I've learnt to never start a thread in AIBU.

@Sprinklestar - I completely agree with you. I have read this thread having just read the funeral thread.

There seem to be a good few posters who stay just within the guidelines to avoid deletion, but are still utterly vile to the OP. This then carries across the whole thread, having set the tone.

Some people are just inadequates who only feel good when ripping others apart. They also are the very last people who the OP should listen to.

Calm and polite disagreement seems to be a lost art.

Can you actually call a poster a cunt? I'd have thought that breached Talk Guidelines.

YANBU.

But do people really ‘take the time to reply’ for entirely altruistic reasons as some kind of public service, or are they just sticking their two penny’s worth in (like I am now!)?

There are a number of reasons as to why I am here and some of the top of my head are:

1. to talk about abuse and my life, which is cathartic and helps me to reinforce boundaries.
2. to post for altruistic reasons.
3. to challenge posters.
4. to learn.

The third doesn’t always go well if I point out to a poster, who has a habit of posting nasty posts that perhaps they have issues and it’s sad. I’ve been subjected to abuse in return and accused of stalking them.

Some people are on here to act out their anger as an anonymous forum is a lot safer than rl. So I suppose I only have myself to blame if I get abused by them for pointing out they have issues.

Evil
It does, report and they get deleted.

Oh and I hate the mob mentality.

It's got worse and worse over the years. When I first joined MN it could be pretty brutal but to be fair most of the brutality was directed at those who were definitely being very U.

These days AIBU has turned into something akin to a playground full of thick and spiteful bullies who just delight in the going straight for the jugular in the most childish way, almost irrespective of the tone of OP.

I agree with the bolognaise post upthread.

Its like some posters cant handle you doing things differently to them. This in their eyes makes you the source of all evil and the cause of all your problems.

I am reminded of a thread on a reptile forum years back where someone admitted to keeping beardys on regular sand rather than calci sand. It dissolved into several posters laying into op. Stating that he was being absuive to his lizards and they would die that night from neglect.

So i dont think it is just on mumsnet but a culture of keyboard warriors trying to feel like their opinion matters and that they are right

YANBU it is pretty sad to see the lack of empathy on here sometimes. People have no concept of how others live or the difficulties they face.

Whilst there are lots of nasty, spiteful posts (and also a lot of deletions), I also get frustrated with the idea that if people disagree with the OP they are just ganging up and bullying her, which is something I see a lot.

OP : AIBU to...
300 fairly reasonable posters : YABU because
10 nasty posters : you sound like a bitch, I bet everyone hates you
1sanctimonious poster : OP, YANBU, every single poster on this thread should be ashamed of themselves.

No, ten posters should be ashamed of themselves, 300 were just disagreeing. Disagreeing is not bullying.

I’ve been shocked by some responses I’ve read, and I’m made of quite strong stuff, so I’m not sure how someone might feel if they’re at a vulnerable moment. I understand the ‘if you don’t want to hear the bad, don’t ask the question’ and I get that AIBU isn’t a gently gently place. That being said, there’s a vast difference between not agreeing, and politely pointing out why, and being a total tool to someone. It’s often not the response to the op’s original question that seems harsh, it’s the ripping apart of their life/assumptions being made about their parenting that seem so out of whack.

There’s a whole lot of ‘I don’t mean to be rude but ....’ and ‘I just say it as it is’ cf that goes on by certain keyboard warriors round here. I think it says more about them than it does about the people they’re responding too if I’m honest, and I do find them to be cf of the highest order.

I totally agree with people not RTFT. There was a post ages ago from a poster who was struggling to get her DD to school on time.
There was a mass pile in from posters telling her that she just needed to get up earlier (she was getting up at 5.30am), that she’d signed up to the rules when she enrolled her child in school, her DD was disrupting everyone else’s education and Dc in her class would start asking why they weren’t allowed to be late, what would your boss say if you arrived at work late everyday, I ‘ve got 10 children at 8 different schools and I manage to get them there on time etc etc.
It became apparent fairly early on that this child obviously had some kind of special needs which were being looked into and the child was also very upset about her dad walking out a few months earlier.
A lot of the posts then became more supportive but there were also a lot of posters who hadn’t RTFT and were still gleefully piling in to give the OP a good kicking.
It was horrible.

I'm noticing a trend lately of posters, who try and out do each for the sassiest/wittiest/harshest/ruddest comment.

The mob mentality on some posts, is awful to see unfold. I've sometimes posted for the OP to abandon the thread before, it's been that bad.

The way some people are responding to the OP on this thread is what is driving decent users off MN. The poisonous, attacking and stupid ones remain and the place continues to deteriorate. It’s a real shame. I used to post prolifically on here. I’d never start a thread these days asking for advice the way I used to.

Just posted this on another thread. I’ve read five threads this morning, all of them had a smattering of really vicious and unkind posts on them. Problem is I can’t even be bothered to address them half the time although it’s worth doing because I have noticed it often makes the more spiteful ones subside a bit if they’re challenged.

I quite agree about the thread about making a scene at a wake. It's ridiculous, the posters trying to persuade the OP that she's unreasonable by saying 'how many people have to say YABU before you take it on board?' But actually it's very much 50/50 on that thread.

I do also agree that there's a playground mentality and that some posters cross the line into outright bullying.

But on the thread in point, I do think the OP should give up arguing with other friends posters.

I don't know why the word 'friends' got added to my post. Damn predictive text lol!!

Mumsnet is absolutely shit. AIBU is full of people who couldn't possibly function in real life behaving in the way they put across on here. They are either completely lying about the way that they are, or they live a very sad and lonely life with no friends (which is perhaps why they invest so much time spouting poison on Mumsnet).

Mumsnet is absolutely shit.

And yet here you are posting on it.

Why do people come here to tell everyone how crap it is? There are millions of websites that I think are crap or upsetting. So I don't go near them.

I post because I want to. So...?