To feel sorry for some posters on AIBU?

[passemoilevin]

Even ones that have BU. They have hundreds of people scrambling to call them names, call their kids names etc. Not just a page, but 20 pages absolutely laying into them off the back of one silly post of a couple of hundred words.

I've been on the firing line, and it's made me feel absolutely shit, and I'd never post here again except in a lighthearted scenario even after a few wines (except this one clearly).--

I get that this is what AIBU is all about. And honesty is appreciated. But calling people cunts over the silliest stuff, saying they shouldn't be parents, saying they're not surprised nobody likes them etc when clearly the poster is vulnerable and down. What do people gain from that? I don't get it.

YABU because.. is easy enough to say. You are a stupid unreasonable cunt and I feel sorry for your poor children to have a mother like you is never acceptable IMO. Sometimes I feel desperately sorry for some posters on here, and feel others forget they are real people.

I agree.

People can't accept different viewpoints and opinions on the most trivial of things.

I don't mind a debate getting heated but people seem to actively look for arguments with clearly vulnerable OPs. There is no need for name calling. There is no need to repeat the same thing other posters have already ripped the OP to shreds with, it is like some sort of mob mentality!

I always imagine the posters like that are very timid and frustrated in real life, and this is the only place they are brave enough to call anyone names and vent their anger!

I've learned my lesson no too start threads on here, I once got a hammering for being "too nice"

I've hidden AIBU. Don't know why this one came up

There are a lot of people who don't RTFT.

And even more who deliberately misunderstand TFT.

It's very unpleasant.

There are a lot of hard core posters on Mn. It's hard to get used to but there are also very kind and informative posters. I try to ignore the hard core and listen to the kind ones - they're usually less deranged.
I think some people take their anger out randomly on MN. And it's not pretty if you're on the receiving end.
And I suspect, the hard core posters are the meekest in real life.

I have also noticed that posters on here can be a little like sheep. You see the first response, and everyone follows in the same vein, rather than replying to the OP.

It’s the reason I love AIBU - the utter harshness of some responses to a few I’ve posted really got me thinking. And when I showed appreciation for those views and took them on board, it made a difference.

I think AIBU only goes bad for folks when they ask AIBU then continue to argue that they aren’t at all, despite those hundred posts which plainly point out they are.

I have noticed the first couple of posts in a thread can really set the tone and god forbid if you disagree with the majority.

I love the rambunctious nature of AIBU, i've had my arse handed to me on occasion too but despite the delivery, there is something to be taken from even the criticism.

Some comments can be savage though, and to someone who isn't used to the nature of internet forums, potentially damaging. I just think that beneath the surface, a lot of human beings aren't that nice, on the whole.

Definitely not BU. I've had a good kicking on AiBU. It was as if they took what I said and transplanted it into another universe of wtf & bizarre accusations.

It was so freaky personal as well. Lurk now and rarely post. I did get some very kind DMs though which did make me realise it really is only a few. But unfortunately the mob rules and can be very very unpleasant.

This place is never happier when it's laying into someone. That, or circlejerking about how awful they think trans people/'common" people/People who eat __ food are. Or trying to escalate people's situations into a drama, so it stretched out into multiple threads.

I've learned to value the minority opinion, they're usually right.

Have to say, i've read some pretty heated exchanges but i've never heard one poster directly call another a cunt.

waits to be called a cunt by a barrage of posters

YANBU

I actually don’t get why an OP has to change her mind to suit the responses either. Listen yes. Think hopefully. But they are not a doll to be controlled!

Been there. Everyone is entitled to an opinion...apparently.
My issue, apart from the viciousness, is when the OP is proved to be right none of those keyboard warriors are anywhere to be found... surprisingly or maybe not!

In my experience on a thread I started and others I've followed that it's always the same half a dozen posters being vile.

The arrogance of some is astounding "but the majority of posters don't agree with you OP!"

Well, yes that's because the majority who have posted appear to be rather bitter, contemptuous specimens with some axe or another to grind. It's very much mob mentality. When one goes for the jugular with a ridiculous extrapolation of the detailed events in the OP then others take it as carte Blanche for a free for all character assassination of the OP.

It's not surprising as on the whole lots of people use AIBU for their entertainment.

Sorry to roll out an old cliche but they really do need to get out more/a hobby/a life.

@Maryz

*There are a lot of people who don't RTFT.

And even more who deliberately misunderstand TFT.*

YES. I am always thoroughly shocked by the poor reading comprehension skills of the people responding or just the plain rudeness to not even read the OP's posts on a thread to get updates. Read before sticking your mouth into the situation, FGS.

The ones I don't get are when someone pours their heart out over miles of text, carefully says it's so long because they don't want to drip feed, and it's about a fairly reasonable moan about their husband or a teenager.

And someone picks on something like 'why the fuck are you putting basil in your bolognese? I don't blame your partner/15 year old for hating you'!

Too many posts to mention. I'm ok with people being blunt/direct. I know I am, at times. But I'm not going to call anyone a cunt, or as I saw today somewhere, someone commented on a thread quite mildy, someone immediately answers piss off so n so..I just thought, what's the need for that, why not just say your opinion?

But yeah it's mainly the mob mentality thing. Not in terms of loads of people saying YABU - after all can't come on here in expectation that you will and should be agreed with - just, the way it's said sometimes.

Women who dare mention mental health, anxiety etc issues in conjunction with another issue need to wear a tin hat, all else is ignored in favour of bashing you and nosing into your mental health including the patronising "are you getting help for that, dear..."

Wasn't always this bad but a lot of angries out there nowadays. Some of whom can dish it out but can't take it so squeal to MN towers when they get replies in same vein

I’ve read AIBU posts for a while (as a lurker), but only started posting very occasionally recently.
Even i have noticed a change in tone.
Replies are harsher - that is true. But there has also been an increase in posts that aren’t really AIBUs. Some are stealth boasts, some are reraising same old topics without any personal AIBU elements, and some come across as just attention seeking.
Admittedly, the majority are still proper calls for opinion, but you can understand why some replies are a bit harsh and direct.
Still no need for cruel words though i agree with you there

I do get why posters get fed up when they take the time to reply and instead of listening thr OP refuses to listen and really is only after validation for their unreasonableness.

But do people really 'take the time to reply' for entirely altruistic reasons as some kind of public service, or are they just sticking their two penny's worth in (like I am now!)?

Posters aren't obliged to capitulate to the opinions of strangers on the internet, and they are entitled to defend their opinions even if it goes against the majority view - it's their lives they are posting about usually, so why anyone should feel as though their advice or insight is so valuable that it cannot simply be ignored is beyond me.

They don't have to thank people for disagreeing with them or agree to do something that they fundamentally don't want to just because the collective wisdom of AIBU has decreed it. If people get annoyed that posters aren't 'listening' to them, then perhaps they need to consider their reasons for posting and examine whether their version of seeking validation for their opinions is any different to the OP's.

It's the people who can't (won't?) read that wind me up. Deliberately miss the point and goad the OP and then you get all the other posters piling in and believing that what's been written is fact, when in fact it's so far from the original OP it's ridiculous.

Someone once posted how little of MN treads are based on reality, somewhere around 30%. The rest is totally made up.
Add to that households with two computers, you can totally have fun and log in from two sites and be goady on your own thread.
Moral...don’t overly invest

The reading and comprehension skills of some posters is atrocious either that or they are deliberately misinterpreting posts for their own ends. Then you have the ones who invent a ludicrous back story, add in the ones who are either too lazy or too self important to read the whole thread, or at the very least the OP's updates, before delivering their gem of an opinion and it

Whether people want to admit it or not, the way people act/post is the way they feel about themselves deep down.