To think if a mum is happy to leave 2 kids alone at a table the restaurant staff should leave them alone

[Kitsandkids]

Currently in a family friendly restaurant. A mum has taken a toddler to the toilet leaving 2 children aged anywhere between 5 and 8, at a guess, sitting at the table. They are not being rowdy, they are not crying, they are just sitting quietly. But when a waitress came over with their food she got annoyed that they are alone and has left another staff member standing next to the table. So now they are sitting in awkward silence waiting for mum to return. Is it just me who thinks if mum is fine to leave the together, and they're not causing a disturbance, the staff should leave them alone?

Atenco

I think this generation of children are being made incapable, by parents

pengwynn

The stick a big sign up in your restauraunt and I’ll know never to go there.

My 8 year old is more than capable. It’s not up to you to judge that she isn’t.

Most “family” restaurants have a soft play area and have children running about all over the place or playing in there unsupervised. Unbelievable as it is, there isn’t an epidemic of child based fajita accidents.

Children only become independent when you give them a chance to be.

You have to take risks with children because if you don't they never ever learn to work out things for themselves and become independent. I am talking everyday, small risks not dangling them feet first out of a window obviously! I would count leaving them on their own in a restaurant as an everyday small risk.

God this is depressing. I didn’t realise I was also being judged everytime I go to the toilet without dragging 3 kids with me. If I was taking a toddler to the loo and there was an issue my older dc’s would come to the loo and tell me. They would know where the loo was. I suppose they could fall down a flight of stairs, choke on some food or have a piano land on their head while I’m gone though.

I was out with DD (aged 6) last week. We went to a café for lunch, and service was slow. We'd ordered food but I then needed to go to the toilet so I left her sitting at the table, alone, for a couple of minutes. She was fine. Nobody panicked.

It's hardly an assault of your parenting skills to have a waitress decide to stand by your table until you return though?

I wouldn't be offended in the slightest or label her a "judgemental" waitress.

Atenco Yoda I think you are right. I remember walking to school on my own, main roads, through a cut, 4 miles. No adult in sight.

I did that when I form when I was about 4 or 5, in 3 different cities I did not know well (we moved a lot) and continued to do so until I was 12 and caught the school bus.

I am of the generation when your mum opened the door in the morning and didn't expect to see you until tea time, apart from flying visits for the loo, a bite to eat at lunch time or to put a plaster on whatever had got a scratch. No watches, no adults, no phones, no real restrictions... I know we were surrounded by other mums (sign of the times) but we were free / feral and learned our own limitations.

I appreciate the difference in traffic levels, immediacy of news sharing and the incredible rise of the 'blame and shame' culture... but I really don't think it is doing kids any real favours.

I say that as one who spent decades teaching 16 - 19 year olds... noticing how much more molly coddling they needed, how much responsibility they lost, and the equivalent loss of independence and self belief.

Sad, as they have so many more opportunities these days. But we seem to have infantilised them out of a lot of 'derring do' and independence.

If that 5 yo left the hotel and got kidnapped / run over or if they choked on something - the parent would have sued the restaurant in a heartbeat. Parental responsibility in this country only seems to exist when there isn’t financial gain to be made.

I agree Curious Some of the children getting off the secondary school bus where I live are like zombies; wandering into the roads, looking surprised if a car brakes suddenly because they've walked in front of it.

I think some of them have never been out and about without an adult!

To be honest, I used 'restaurant' pretty loosely. It was McDonalds. But they do table service now so someone (looked like a manager/supervisor) was bringing the food out and from a few feet away said to someone clearing up, 'where's their parent?' Other staff member said they'd seen her taking toddler to toilet. Cue lots of tutting and then the other staff member was told she'd have to wait with them until Mum came back.

When Mum did come back she just said 'oh, thank you' and that was it.

I think of myself as a fairly protective parent but I saw no problem with the mum leaving the kids for a few minutes.

I do think we infantilise our children too much these days. At my kids' school we got a letter to tell the parents exactly where to stand depending on where each class will stand at home time. The kids are then ticked off a list once the collecting adult has been seen. Fair enough maybe in infants, but my 2 are Year 4 and 5. At that age my school just opened the door and you went out and had to find your adult. If no one was there you were expected to be sensible enough to go back in and tell the teacher.

I've left my 2 (7 & 5) to use the loo in cafes and on trains. I did when they were 6 & 4 too. They both know how to chew and walk and are no more likely to choke or fall down stairs than I am.

If that 5 yo left the hotel and got kidnapped / run over or if they choked on something - the parent would have sued the restaurant in a heartbeat. Parental responsibility in this country only seems to exist when there isn’t financial gain to be made. If they tried I'm sure the solicitor would explain they didn't have a case.

I let my 6 year old play outside unsupervised.

Me too. My eldest went to the park with a friend both age 6. No roads, a 3 minute walk from my friend's house. They were allowed 10 minutes then they had to come back and 'check in' and if that worked they could have half an hour. They both had watches on.

My almost 3 year old and 17 month old play in the front and back gardens with very little supervision. I used to sit on the doorstep until my youngest was about 14 months but not always anymore and if it's just the 3 year old outside, I can be inside and just check out the window every couple of minutes.

Kitsandkids, schools have duty of care and they are legally responsible for the children in their care so they need to have pretty tight procedures in place. That avoids anything bad happening or the school being in trouble for sth happening to a child.

McD's doesn't have duty of care but it's obviously concerning to see two little children without an adult.

*gardens are fenced off from the road which is quiet (cul de sac). main road off that. They can't get out the gate and I can hear easily if my gate opens by postman or whatever and my front door is wide open if they're out.

The OP was not in a family friendly restaurant. The food the fast food outlet called McDonalds they serve is not family friendly, it contributes to childhood obesity.

Though my view on using the toilet if you could not wait and letting staff know still stands, even in a fast food outlet.

Crikey. They just let dd out. She’s yr5 and School been doing this since yr4.

the parent didn't leave them alone with the food did they? I can easily imagine a situation where a child chokes/spills something/ burns their mouth and the returning parent causes trouble

Agree with this, and suspect this is what the wait staff were concerned about. In this situ I would probably just return the food to the kitchen to keep warm and keep an eye out for the parent's return.

Just wouldn't feel quite happy to leave plates of hot food with unsupervised DC, for the same reason when we bring food out to families we will ask the parent where they'd like the plates put - not all want it placed directly in front of their DC.

I've never seen a waitress come over to a table in McDonald's carrying food or serving tables! I thought you had to do that yourself.

Ilost

It's a new thing in Maccy D's. Also the stupid system like Argos where your order then collect

I would leave mine at a table. My kids were pretty good, and I trusted them to be able to wait for 5 mins for me.

I would leave my five year old at the table with his big brother while I went to the loo. My kids are generally very well behaved and I couldn't imagine them getting up to much mischief in two minutes. Fair enough, if they mucking around or in daft moods I wouldn't leave them alone, but if they were mucking around I'd be putting their coats on, paying and frogmarching them out anyway! I would tell them where I was going, how long I would be and where the loos were so they could find me if there was a problem.

How can children learn to be responsible if you never let them do anything involving even the tiniest risk? They'd end up like my cousin's 13yo daughter who still has her food cut up by my cousin in case she does it too big herself and chokes (honestly!). The poor girl can't cope and panics if her mum makes her cross the road and walk the 50 metres home from school alone. Lord knows how she'll cope as an adult. She is entirely neurotypical btw just utterly smothered in cotton wool.

I would only leave them alone with food tbh . They won't budge when they're eating.