Is 'chin up' insensitive, dismissive or just the right thing to say to someone (a friend)?

[Rolf38]

Suppose you had a friend who you knew was/had told you they you they were going through a bit of a hard time. You want to help them, so you give them advice etc., but you might not be physically able to meet up with them due to distance/commitments etc.

Is saying 'chin up' appropriate? Is it the kind of phrase that a friend would say/ write to you?

If there is one thing that I have learnt is that perhaps I might just need to step back from giving advice etc. altogether. I really wanted to help my friend, and thought that I was doing so. However, perhaps I am just not naturally good at emotions giving advice and theyd'do be betters ff getting advice from elsewhere. Th last thing I wanted to do was sound dismissive/insincere by using 'chin up' as a part of my last sentences.

Had they asked you for advice? Sometimes unsolicited advice can be quite annoying.

@chestylarue52 - Yes, they specifically contacted me, and I feel such a failure for letting them down.

Op, it was just 2 words in a generally supportive relationship/ exchange. People don't scrutinise each word to such a degree. and it's absolutely not in the same league as don't be silly. I'm sure your pal took it in the spirit intended. People know who cares and who is glib and dismissive. It was fine. Follow up with "how are you", if you want to be sure.

Specifically contacted you BUT did they specifically ask for advice?

Unsolicited advice - especially of the 'hard to hear' variety is NEVER a good idea.

I suspect many of us have been guilty of it at some point as it comes from a desire to help but it's not helpful.

I have mh issues and a very dear friend who TRIES to help but really doesn't get it, its souring our friendship to be honest.

You're being quite vague about the situation they're going through but maybe Google 'how to support...' 'What to say to...' 'What not to say to...' Someone going through X.

I've had some very hurtful, thoughtless comments made about various things I've gone through, I would take 'chin up' as dismissive.

It sounds like they’ve got a lot going on, so I’d question whether sending messages asking if what you wrote was ok is really the best thing to do. It kind of makes it about you now.

You sound genuinely concerned for your friend which is really nice. I’d give them a few days and see about meeting for coffee.

I use "hang in there" rather than chin up. It's a little softer.

Message her saying you are worried your advice was too blunt and you'd hate to think you've upset her.

She may just be processing what you said

Perhaps it would be better to phone them.....

Sounds like you had good intentions op but are now worried your friend might be upset by what you said. Only you will know whether it might have been hurtful because we don’t have much of the context here such as what the nature of your friends original issue was. Why not call them and invite them to meet up?

Thay contacted me specifically asking for advice. Is 'chin up' really that bad? I said it as part of a sentence 'chin up, you've got your whole life ahead of you - this is only a small part'.

I followed it up last night asking if what I wrote was helpful/ok.

Hum see i really don't like the tone of this is only a small part. It seems very patronising I'm sorry but it does.
And very dismissive.

It's like saying this but of your life doesn't matter.

ATM this bit of her life is the bit of her life she's dealing with. She probably can't see past that. I'm sorry but being told hay cheer up better things will come us not what you want to hear.

Also it's not advice it's a platitude. What's practical about "chin up" hay chin up your husband hasn't died, hay chin up that will stop the debt collectors banging down your door, hay chin up you haven't really got cancer. Do you see it's not going to help the situation is it. I'm very sorry your having a bad time are your family supporting you maybe you could contact bereavement services/cab/which ever relevant service. That's advice. Chin up you've got the rest of your life is not advice it's patronising.
I'm sorry I have aspergers and I'm crap at social interaction so I don't want to make you feel bad. As some ones said you've reflected on what you've said and realised it might be the wrong thing.

The better advice would be well something she could actually do, or like I certainly said and a few others have said there's nothing wrong with thinking about you let me know if you need me or if there's anything I can do, even if it's just to talk.

You honestly need to stop chatting to us about this and phone them, to be honest.

Talking it over with a group of on-line people, who don't know either of you and bring quite disparate experiences to the table, is only going to get you so far.

You need to phone, not message/text. Words are, as this thread demonstrates, slippy in their meaning. Spoken communication, which is supported by non-verbal cues and has the benefit of allowing areas of opacity to be elucidated quickly, is more effective in a situation such as this.

And a phone call is an action. At the moment your friend probably wants some gesture of care. A phone call, however superficial it might seem, is worth a lot more than messages which outline possible areas in which support might be offered.

I agree with the phone the person.

If you have MH issues, picking up the phone and calling someone can be one of the hardest things to do. It's not that you don't want to talk, but you may not know how to start the conversation, think that you are phoning at an inconvenient time and many other thoughts put you off.

Yes just ring them.

When a close friend has had something bad happen or things are difficult, text / email doesn't cut it.

You asked what a "true friend" would do - drop everything and pick up the phone is the answer.

I have used the phrase many times in my life, spoken and written. It has been used to me too. I have not found it to be insensitive or dismissive or inappropriate, but have derived a sense of solidarity in it.

The problem I see with texting "chin up" is that it doesn't leave an opening to resume the conversation, so it feels like it's putting a stop to further discussion. I mean if someone finished a conversation with "chin up" I can't think of anything to say afterwards, but if they said something like "you know where I am if you want to chat some more" I can at least reply "thanks". Maybe that's why your friend hasn't replied.

Chin up is a twatty thing to say.I have never said it to anyone, why would you? It is up there with, smile, it might never happen and it could be worse. Also the gem 'there are people worse off'... ugh.

Chin up doesn't have any connotations like that where I am. It's just short for 'what can't be cured must be endured' and other kinds of grit your teeth and carry on type stuff. Just keep on keeping on etc. It doesn't imply the recipient is being wimpy or anything...

Agreed @picklemepopcorn. Maybe it's region specific or seen differently by different generations?

I would see chin up as along the same lines as ‘you’ve got this. Hang in there’ etc

I like "Chin Up". It's an endorsement not dismissive.

It is an extremely poor, disgusting phrase to say. Insensitive and rude.

Only people who are thick as 2 short planks would use that phrase.

what about those who answer 6 year old threads? Just 2 short planks or more?