Is 'chin up' insensitive, dismissive or just the right thing to say to someone (a friend)?

[Rolf38]

Suppose you had a friend who you knew was/had told you they you they were going through a bit of a hard time. You want to help them, so you give them advice etc., but you might not be physically able to meet up with them due to distance/commitments etc.

Is saying 'chin up' appropriate? Is it the kind of phrase that a friend would say/ write to you?

It totally depends on context. You might well say "chin up" because you both know that words are inadequate, that the person needs a lot, from different people, and that ultimately, only stoicism on their part is going to get them through.

Or it might be dismissive.

You can only tell by knowing the person who said it and making an estimate from there.

I'd suggest not over-thinking it and just assuming it was well-intentioned.

If it was you who said it, and your friend has taken offence, I'd put it down to them feeling vulnerable at the moment, make it clear that it wasn't meant dismissively, and leave them to find their way back in their own time.

sorry but i find it a bit patronising and dismissive,. however that could just be the context I have heard it in (kids in year 4 class used to shout it at my son when he was being bullied)

'true friend' is a bit dramatic It is beginning to sound more like a test of the friend giving the response which isn't nice.

OP re your last post - in a single message I think that just Chin Up would be insincere, but if having said 'I'm really sorry you're going through this' etc there were repeated messages I personally would sign off with Chin Up, amongst other things.
Only the giver and recipient of this message can work out if it was glib and trite or not.

By 'true friend' I sort of meant a good friend. Basically I have known this person for a long time and wanted to give a response that reflects that - not suggest that I am being dismissive or that I don't genuinely care (like a 'fair weather' friend) . Basically I sent this person a message yesterday morning incorporating 'chin up' and have yet to receive a response. I am trying to consider whether I haven't because they took offence/were annoyed at my use of 'chin up' (which was incorporated into a very well meaning sentence) or just haven't replied because they couldn't etc.

if someone said 'chin up' to me in that kind of message I would immediately cancel the friendship tbh. (rider- this could be why I have very few friends)
But you must know it might sound off or you wouldn't be asking.

If used at the end of other supportive conversation, then I think it's quite a sweet goodbye. If people say to me, I take it as hold on, it'll get better, keep going.

Chin up to me translates as Piss off and stop whinging, I don't want to hear about your problems.

In some situations, there really isn't a right thing to say - everything is trite.

Follow up with a phone call and just listen and let her talk.

Don't over-think it.

creamdelashite - that's exactly as I used it - at the end of a long message offering advice. It was one of the last sentences, the last being something like 'feel free to get in touch/rant/vent again, anytime'. I do hope they saw my message as supportive of them.

I think it depends on the friendship more than anything. I have a friend that I often say things like that to. But we’re very close and very upfront with each other, and we’ve been friends since school (both had lots of problems) so that’s probably why. After going through a very traumatic experience, she told me to pull myself together, because she knew what I needed to hear, if anyone else had said that I doubt I would have spoken to them again.

Ha! I used it today at the end of a message to an adult dc who is abroad and is slightly ill.

To me, at the end of a supportive message, it definitely has the flavour of 'keep strong' that a pp suggested.

I don't think it's appropriate. I also hate being told "Don't be silly", it's very condescending.

Agree, agree with pp that it feels dismissive. I had a bad break up once and a friend I thought was close to told me to 'chin up'. Wasn't very helpful... no longer friends. She wasnt offering any other advice or help tho. Hope your friend is ok.

@spongeface - I'm sorry to hear that. When I said 'chin up' to my friend yesterday it was only two words of a long, supportive and advisory message. I also followed up this evening just to ask if what I wrote was ok.

The message you sent them sounds dismissive. “Feel free to rant” is a more subtle form of “chin up, it implies that you think their problems are minor and could be solved by virtual “venting”. Insensitive.

In your shoes, if you like and care about the person, would give it a few days then send chit chat and ask how they are, perhaps suggest a chat or meeting up.

It's a twee way of saying "you're on your own, mate".

If a good friend said "Chin up" to me when I was going though a shit time I honestly think I would tell them to Fuck off!

How is saying that going to help??

I feel a bit bad about sending it now - to be honest, I really am quite bad at emotional chats etc. and was a bit lost in what to say. I spent a good few few hours thinking about what they sent me and thinking of and writing a response which I hoped would sound sincere and give them good advice. I'm just not really that good at emotional chats etc. Perhaps I should have just asked someone else first how to respond more sincerely - i just wanted to help them.

@mrsAJ27 - my message to them contained a lot more than just 'chin up'.

Why use platitudes why not just say sorry your having a hard time you know where I am if you need me? I do find it patronising and I would be annoyed if a friend said it.

Personally I hate things like this, I find them a bit weird, slightly different to your situation but I have quite a emotionaless resting face. I don't walk around grinning my head off. I get random strangers going chin up or cheer up when I'm just walking to the damn bus stop.

Once after one of my close friends had died suddenly I was on the way home and I hear this bloke going 'what's up with her' I look up and he goes 'cheer up it might never happen' (yeah it was only a week after my friend had died and I felt shit)

Only a few weeks ago I was walking to the bus stop to go to work and a old bloke went 'cheer up it will soon be christmas' I did go I hate Christmas and you have no idea what's going on in my life. I was perfectly happy I enjoy going to work. Just people seem to think they need to tell me to cheer up

You tried, and care enough to reflect on your words and actions. Phone or in person is better for this kind of thing.

It sounds like you are not comfortable talking to your friend about this over the phone....follow up with another text saying something like "how are you feeling?" or "I am here if you need me"

Also, the advice I gave in my message was genuine. It was advice that I know would have been hard for them to hear, however, I know that if they follow it it would REALLY help them. I hope they understand that. My response to them wasn't half hearted - I really did think about their situation and offer genuine advice that sought to help them in the long term - not just half hearted advice that would make them feel better for a week or so.

My use of 'chin up' was part of a sentence - something like 'chin up you've got your whole life ahead of you - this is only a small part'. It wasn't just like 'chin up, mate'.