Is 'chin up' insensitive, dismissive or just the right thing to say to someone (a friend)?

[Rolf38]

Suppose you had a friend who you knew was/had told you they you they were going through a bit of a hard time. You want to help them, so you give them advice etc., but you might not be physically able to meet up with them due to distance/commitments etc.

Is saying 'chin up' appropriate? Is it the kind of phrase that a friend would say/ write to you?

Is 'chin up' really used anymore? If so, who would you say it too?

*to

I think it's fine. It's not like saying 'cheer up' to someone that's depressed. It's meaning is more 'stay strong' imo.

Not something I would say or that anyone has said to me.

Quite old fashioned and also strangely dismissive. I associate this with things that are a bit bad but not really like you went to the cupboard for a jaffa cake and some other bugger got there first and ate them.

No no no. Saying chin up is the equivalent of telling someone with depression to pull themselves together. It is really unhelpful.

Telling someone you are there as a listening ear or offering practical support is much better .

I suspect this is a reverse though. Not many people would do this surely (though my dp has done and would do again probably )

It entirely depends on the context.

Dealing with a stroppy toddler - chin up is fine.

Dealing with a bereavement- chin up highly inappropriate.

I agree the context is important, but generally it sounds a bit old-fashioned and jolly hockey sticks to me - "chin up, old girl!"

Nope, don't say that patronising shit. Say to them, I am at the end of a phone if you want to talk, I can't promise I'll have any answers but I will listen.

I once confessed to a friend that I was suffering from depression, it was the first time that I had felt able to openly say it and ask for help. She told me "chin up", and that was the end of the conversation. I felt utterly dismissed and the friendship fizzled out shortly afterwards. I think she felt awkward and didn't know what else to say. I suspect she thought she was being kind, but in the end it only made me feel worse and it was a long time before I felt able to discuss my mental health with anyone again.

Sorry I should of added a bit more context - I didn't mean saying 'chin up' as a stand alone. I meant saying it alongside things like 'feel free to rant again - anytime' and giving advice on their situation.

It's hard to say. It depends on the relationship the people have and where the sentiment is coming from. My dad said it to me once when I was having a hard time and I found it old fashioned, as people have mentioned, but rather touching. It stayed with me and I do think of him saying it when I feel down from time to time. In another context and different relationship it could sound belittling.

Saying chin up to someone who is going through a rough time is dismissive and patronising.

People often say it because they don't know what else to say or because its a cop out and want to seem like theyre being sympathetic without getting emotionally involved but it makes the person they are saying it to feel even worse in most situations.

Why not instead be honest with your friend, acknowledge that what shes going through is unpleasant ie say it to her or write it, most people get uncomfortable and don't want to make things worse but often the person struggling just wants someone to say "Im sorry you're having a tough time, its shit and its not fair and Im sorry I cant be there in person but Im thinking of you."

My friends and I say chin up to each other all the time. We mean it to say - walk proudly, don't let this thing break you, whatever is happening to you right now will not be forever, we will always be there for you whenever you need it etc. We say all of those things too.

Not chin up, go away and stop moaning

Wouldn't bother me as I interpret it as - you doing great dealing with everything and things will get better.

Me and my friend say it at the end of the conversation, so after all the usual sympathy, suggesting solutions (depending on the exact situation obviously) we will end it with 'chin up chuck' she's said it for years! It would be a bit strange as an initial response though.

It depends on the situation and the person.

If someone is irritated by something I migjt say 'chin up. At least it's friday tomorrow'

Equally, if I'm 30 mins into a circular conversation that isn't going anywhere (think - friend asks for advice. You give advice. Friend dismisses advice and continues ti wallow and asks what thru shpuld do. You givr advice. They tell you all about why nobody will ever solve it because everything is so awful etc) then I have gone for the chin up approach as in you can do x y z or you can keep wallowing in self pity. Chin up. You've got a range of options what are you going yi do?'

But if someone is struggling with a bereavement/divorce etx then it's totally not ok.

I told a close friend i was having a bad day (depression related) after some bad news. She said some vaguely friendly things plus "chin up" and yeah it felt dismissive, impersonal and patronising. Made me feel like absolute shit for thinking my feelings were even worthwhile sharing. Sorry but its a really bad phrase to use, it feels really impersonal and uncaring.

I use chin up a fair bit, but never as a ‘cheer up’ more in the context of ‘keep your head held high, you’ll get through this’.

I also thought it was a reverse as soon as I read it!

I don't think chin up is dismissive, sometimes it's the only thing you can do - just push through the tough times. It recognises that you are finding the situation hard and that you need a bit of strength to get through it.

Did someone say it to you and you felt it was dismissive, OP?

I only ever use it in a vague, lighthearted way in situations that aren't all that bad. For example recently someone's biscuit broke while dunking and half dropped in their tea. So i said 'chin up, at least you can be guilt free about having another biscuit'. I wouldnt use it in a serious situation or if someone was eeally opening up to me

Oh God I say this all the fucking time and I'm the advice giver in a very similar situation as in your OP.
What I would say is that during conversations I give much more thorough and useful advice, give constant reassurance that I'm there for them (hopefully!) slag off their 'aggravator' and emotionally support them. Hopefully.

But by the end of a stream of messages I often sign off with a Chin Up. (Friend isn't depressed, as far as I know.)
Argh!

Would 'I'm so sorry to hear you've had/are having a hard time' be more appropriate/a response that a true friend would give?

Reading through some other messages - yes I use it as more of a Keep Strong than a Cheer Up...

It's a meaningless platitude.