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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed partner is not invited to wedding

80 replies

HonestTeacher · 25/11/2017 20:01

I've been with my partner for nearly 10 years and we live together. My friend who is getting married has informed me that only I am invited to the wedding.

I know that she has never really liked him that much, not because he has done anything annoying, they just don't click/have anything in common.

Part of me thinks 'well it is her day so she can do what she wants'. The other part of me is quite hurt. I know his feelings are hurt too. I would never think of not inviting her partner to our wedding the year after (although I sort of don't want to invite him now).

Has this ever happened to you and how did you feel?

OP posts:
cakeymccakington · 25/11/2017 20:04

I think that's really odd.

I think I'd feel hurt enough not to want to go tbh.

The only way I would go would be if it was a tiny wedding and you're not that close of a friend and other people have also been told no partners

Sugarcoma · 25/11/2017 20:08

With stuff like this I often flip it round: how would I feel if DP went to a wedding of a close friend without me because I wasn’t invited?

I think I’d be hurt and on that basis I would speak to your friend and ask if she can accommodate him. If she says no I’d tell her that it’s hurtful and not go.

Bobbinsandthread · 25/11/2017 20:09

Odd. Are other friends partners/wives/husbands invited?

asmuchuseasachocolatefireguard · 25/11/2017 20:09

I don't think I'd go in your shoes, because you know she doesn't like him. And that's why he's not invited, not because of numbers or because you two haven't been toegether very long or anything.

Wellonlyifihavetoo · 25/11/2017 20:10

I would be upset about this too, seems a bit odd

treaclesoda · 25/11/2017 20:11

Yes, my friend invited me to her wedding, but not my husband. I didn't give it a second thought and went without him. I had no idea it was such a big deal.

Smarshian · 25/11/2017 20:12

Is it a cost thing? Or numbers? Sometimes partners etc can't be included as the couple cannot afford it.

Original poster
HonestTeacher · 25/11/2017 20:12

Part of me doesn't want to go but then I also don't want to ruin a friendship over a wedding invite. This friend is in my main circle of friends so would then be very awkward if I did not go to the wedding.

I think I will see which partners have been invited before I say anything. If it is the same with my other friends I'll understand it is more of a cost thing and not an insult.

OP posts:
Keepingupwiththejonesys · 25/11/2017 20:12

Unless she's not invited other peoples partners/husbands I'd be very offended and wouldn't be going

whoareyoukidding · 25/11/2017 20:13

I would find it odd, too, if I were invited but my partner wasn't.

formerbabe · 25/11/2017 20:13

It's very rude.

SureJan · 25/11/2017 20:14

It's really awkward to be invited alone isn't it! My friend did this a few years ago, she invited 'the girls' but not husbands/partners. It was a numbers/cost thing.
I still went to the wedding as I really wanted to be there for her on her big day. But I felt awful leaving DH at home & I think he half expected me to turn my invite down. A couple of our other friends didn't attend as they were a bit offended by the solo invite.
When we got married I didn't feel able to not invite partners, it felt a bit rude to me.

19lottie82 · 25/11/2017 20:14

Is it a very small wedding?

Whatififall · 25/11/2017 20:15

It might be a cost thing?
I went to a uni friend's wedding with our 4 old house-mates, all of us with long-term partners, who the bride had met numerous times but none of who were invited due to costs.
However, if it's just your DP not invited then yanbu

treaclesoda · 25/11/2017 20:15

It's very rude.

I don't think it is. My friend invited me but not my husband because she didn't know my husband, only me. Is it not much more rude to expect to be invited to a stranger's wedding?

Jayfee · 25/11/2017 20:16

How would you feel about if he was going on his own? I would not want to go but you might?

DancesWithOtters · 25/11/2017 20:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Coloursthatweremyjoy · 25/11/2017 20:17

I was invited to a friends wedding. My husband wasn't invited. We had been married for a lot longer than I had known her for. Of course I should have thought "it's her day" etc etc. But I didn't. I am human and I was offended. I didn't make a fuss I just declined the invite.

The friendship fizzled out after that. Funny really how it turned out to be no great loss.

Coloursthatweremyjoy · 25/11/2017 20:18

I should mention that other people had + ones and DH had always been really nice to her!

Hels45 · 25/11/2017 20:22

I always feel relieved on the rare occasions I’m not invited to my partner’s friend’s weddings who I don’t know very well (e.g. work colleagues). We have 3 chd. been together 10 years. Weddings of people you don’t know can be boring and I’d rather be in my trackie bottoms.

chocolateisnecessary · 25/11/2017 20:25

This happened to me and I didn't go. It was really upsetting. She thought it was just cost but it cut deep. Then she stopped speaking to me over the RSVP. I was polite etc when I explained but whole thing left a sour taste.

cherrynibs · 25/11/2017 20:25

I think it depends - this has happened to me twice

Once, it was a tiny wedding in a venue very important to them that only had room for 28 guests. Closest family and friends only. We were all old way in advance.

The other time, another person I thought was a good friend. They were inviting about 300 people and my DP of 8 years (who I'd lived with for 4) was not invited. Various other friends who were married had their husbands/wives invited- despite some of the spouses never having met the couple.

You can guess which one I politely declined.

hidinginthenightgarden · 25/11/2017 20:31

I invited a very close friend to my wedding but not her BF of 4 years. Firstly I don't like him at all, secondly, another very close friend had no partner and would only know first friend and I didn't want her to feel left out.
She basically said she wouldn't come without him so I said the best I could do was put him at the top of the list if someone else dropped out. They did, he came and they left pretty much as soon as the food was over with.
I regret letting him come to be honest.
I don't think I was being rude. Space at weddings is limited and I wanted them to go to people I wanted to be present not people who I tolerate for the sake of friends.

HermionesRightHook · 25/11/2017 20:36

I think it's really rude.

I think the only time that it's acceptable to not invite a partner to a wedding is when you've never met them before AND the invitee is part of a specific 'set' of people - such as 'groom's best friends at work' or 'all the girls from badminton classes'. And you're treating all those people the same - so you can't have Mandy from work's boyfriend but not Erica's.

JaneEyre70 · 25/11/2017 20:37

I'd double check with other friends. If their partners aren't included either, I wouldn't take it personally. If your DP is the only left out though, I would go to the ceremony but not the reception. That's quite hurtful tbh.