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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be seething at DH

115 replies

Midge1978 · 25/11/2017 13:47

I have looked after dd all week with the vomiting bug and now I’ve come down with it myself. Dh is refusing to look after her this afternoon because he wants to go to the football. He’s now trying to guilt trip dd into going to her grandma’s when she doesn’t want to. Aibu to think that just this once he should look after dd and put his own interests second?!

OP posts:

RhiannonOHara · 26/11/2017 12:33

He told me when we first met that football would always be his number one priority

And people here are still calling the OP controlling? You all need a fucking word with yourselves.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 26/11/2017 13:14

you’re shirking your duties and exploiting other people’s kindness if you delegate it when you don’t have to

Why is it ok to use a sitter when it benefits you for a night out but not for his hobby? That's a huge double standard.

I hate football with a passion so would have been unlikely to have chosen a partner who loved it but if you do then it can't come as a shock they don't want to give it up when they marry. I've seen people give up thier interests, hobbies and friends when a partner comes along and hugely regret it as very few relationships are for life.

mikeyssister · 26/11/2017 14:41

Too many people have missed the point that OP is sick and could also do with looking after.

OP you are NOT being unreasonable. You should be able to rely on a basic level of human consideration from your DH.

And I love football too.

Butterfr33 · 26/11/2017 15:06

Too many people have missed the point that OP is sick and could also do with looking after.

OP has a bug, she's hardly fucking dying. Honestly! I had the bug last weekend was perfectly capable of getting myself to the toilet/bowl and grab a glass of water.

Atenco · 26/11/2017 15:10

Too many people have missed the point that OP is sick and could also do with looking after

For the record, I didn't.

But I have to disagree with the OP's attitude to her dd. Children should be our number one priority, but part of that is teaching them to fit in with the world, not that the entire world has to fit in with them.

I'm sure the grandmother would have agreed to let her stay in and not forced her to go to soft play.

ilovegin112 · 26/11/2017 15:18

Christ if my late dh had a bug I would be out of the house like a shot, I also can’t stand people being around when I’m ill, you would have been better op just having a quiet day in bed yourself, hopefully your daughter won’t get ill again

Mxyzptlk · 26/11/2017 15:20

It's always felt a bit controlling but now I understand that I'm being equally controlling by challenging it.

You are not being equally controlling.
Things have changed since the time when he told you football must always come first.
You have changed your priorities since then, because of having DD, and he should do that too.

Once you are feeling a bit better, give some thought to your DH's general attitude and whether you are okay with it.

GreenPurpleRed · 26/11/2017 15:20

There are a few posters on here I feel sorry for their dc with their shit attitudes.

@OP your dh has been a total arsehole. For those saying dd should have gone to Granny's she was sick and at 5 it can really take it out of you!

You at least sound like a kind parent

celticmissey · 26/11/2017 15:23

What a lazy tosspot! I hate it when they use their parents to get out of looking after their kids when most of us only ask for this once in a blue moon when we are so ill. It's pathetic - if she doesn't want to go tell him she's not going... he wouldn't go somewhere he didn't want to go would he...? selfish ....tell him to stay at home and look after you..... football comes last on his list of priorities when his OH and family are poorly...gutless selfish tosser...... hope you get well soon.....

nibora · 26/11/2017 15:35

What a reasonable woman you are OP, agreeing with the posters who say URBU. That's a first for MN in my experience.

You are married to a selfish man however, I hope he has some redeeming qualities. At least it's not cycling I suppose, that's even worse than bloody football or golf.

ButtMuncher · 26/11/2017 15:57

I'm totally confused as to some of the replies here. If DD was well and 100% and wanted to go to grannies (e.g. Wasn't just delaying tactics or whatever) then fine, she should go. But the poor child has been ill all week and wants to stay at home - heaven forbid, would you all like to be dragged around and about after having a vomiting bug? I wouldn't, so why should a child?

Your husband is being unreasonable in this instance if your child does not want to go to grannies for perfect valid reasons. If she was putting parts on that's different, but it seems your MIL wasn't going to keep her indoors and relax, she wanted to take her out and about. I hate it when parents cagoule their children into doing something for their own good under the pretence of 'fun' - it's really manipulative when it's clear the child is or has been unwell.

Butterymuffin · 26/11/2017 16:27

Children should be our number one priority, but part of that is teaching them to fit in with the world, not that the entire world has to fit in with them.

This doesn't make any sense, and doesn't fit with the OP's situation as described. Asking a child's parent to look after them when the other parent is ill isn't 'expecting the entire world to fit in with them ' by any stretch of the imagination.

What a lot more of these replies seem to be saying is 'wives and daughters have to put up and shut up when a man wants to do something'.

mikeyssister · 26/11/2017 18:57

OP has a bug, she's hardly fucking dying

Never for one minute thought she was.

Children should be our number one priority, but part of that is teaching them to fit in with the world, not that the entire world has to fit in with them.

The child had a vomiting bug that lasted a week - how much energy would a 5 year old have after that

I think the world has gone mad if people think it's appropriate for a parent to go WATCH a football match instead of looking after their other half and child in these circumstances. I can imagine the reaction of MNers if the spouse was female.

ilovegin112 · 26/11/2017 20:14

To be fair when my ds was little he wasn’t an ill child but when he was he was ill for approx a week, after about 3 days he was like a wild thing cooped up, 5 year olds bounce back relatively quickly, she probably doesn’t like the tension between her parents

SouthWindsWesterly · 26/11/2017 21:46

The only one being controlling here is your DH in expecting 3 people to accommodate illness and childcare over one match. He needs to grow up. OP - when does his attitude for everyone to ponder around his hobby push you to tipping point because if I saw a grown man try to manipulate an ill 5yo so he could watch the footy, Inwoukd see red

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