To be seething at DH

[Midge1978]

I have looked after dd all week with the vomiting bug and now I’ve come down with it myself. Dh is refusing to look after her this afternoon because he wants to go to the football. He’s now trying to guilt trip dd into going to her grandma’s when she doesn’t want to. Aibu to think that just this once he should look after dd and put his own interests second?!

YABU.
Your dd was ill at the start of the week. Been clear over 24 hours. You are now unwell, so dh has found a solution to suit everyone - you to get some peace and quiet. Gran, from what you say very happy to have her for a few hours. He can still do his hobby. dd gets lovely time with Gran.
However, you only have to put the word 'football' in a thread on MN and some folk will then automatically say the dh IBU.

Had you posted that dh would normally look after her on a Sunday whilst you went shopping, and dh was ill, so your Mum had agreed to have her so you could still go, everyone would have said that was fine. Silver is right, a whole lot of sexism on this thread.

*48 hours

The child didn't feel fully well yet and grandma wasn't going to let her snuggle on the sofa. Grandma was going to take her to the softplay.

Ah, so dragging a tired and still off colour child out when they don't want to go so Dad can not miss football now = 'arranging alternative childcare' apparently. Bollocks. It's selfish behaviour and it's depressing to see that excused as 'lovely time with granny'. I would be very cross with him OP.

DD has been better for more than 2 days. All is needed is 'mum, DD's tired do mind giving soft play a miss?'.

Like @BackforGood and I mentioned earlier if the roles were reversed there would be no issue.

From now on, if he’s ill then you carry on as normal and leave him to it. Talk about double standards

From now on, if he’s ill then you carry on as normal and leave him to it. Talk about double standards

Yes OP, when your DH is next ill - Drop your DD off at your Mums whilst you go out for a few hours, leaving him in peace and quiet. That will really show him! 🙄

Life doesn't stop because one person has the bug.

Ok maybe I am being unreasonable. He told me when we first met that football would always be his number one priority so I have no right to complain. It just sometimes feels like he’s obsessed with it and our whole lives revolve around it and all his other hobbies.

I also felt so uncomfortable hearing him trying to guilt trip her and upsetting her when it was all for self interest. He wasn’t really bothered about giving me peace and quiet at all. I have given up a lot for him, particularly this year and I suppose this made me take this to heart when I shouldn’t have. I was wrong.

I suppose I am being a martyr - I just have the attitude that when you have a child they should be the number one priority and that you’re shirking your duties and exploiting other people’s kindness if you delegate it when you don’t have to, but I understand that I am wrong in that view. If someone is willing to look after your child them it’s never wrong to ask I guess.

It’s a shock to be called controlling but I take this on board. I will just shut up and move on from this and stop asking more than is reasonable from him. Thank you mumsnet for making me sense, it’s much appreciated.

He told me when we first met that football would always be his number one priority so I have no right to complain

Yikes! I wouldn't say you're BU to not want him to go to football but you are BU to be surprised.

You are not unreasonable, your husband is a selfish dick. It's sad a lot of people on this thread believe that only women have to parent, and men can just delegate when they can't be bothered.

Happened yes I guess you're right! He's always prioritised the football and expected the women in his life to make it the priority too and not make any demands that interfere with it. It's always felt a bit controlling but now I understand that I'm being equally controlling by challenging it. Mumsnet is always good for a bit of perspective! Thanks guys x

You're not being unreasonable. The poor kid had been throwing up for days. No wonder she didn't want to go out, she probably still feels rough. You'd taken a week off work to care for her (I imagine that you rather than him making all the sacrifices to care for your child is a recurring theme...?) and he couldn't even miss a bloody football match for her and instead tried to palm his daughter off on his obliging mother. It must be nice being your husband, expecting all the females in his life to bend to his will and accommodate whatever he wants to do. I'd give my partner merry hell if he tried anything like that -not that he would.

He told me when we first met that football would always be his number one priority

Your DH sounds like a dick, why the fuck would you marry someone who said this to you?

you’re shirking your duties and exploiting other people’s kindness if you delegate it when you don’t have to

Using a willing babysitter is not exploiting someone's kindness if they are happy and it's not all the time. You've said yourself you've used GP's to babysit before.

I also felt so uncomfortable hearing him trying to guilt trip her and upsetting her when it was all for self interest

There was no need for this. A simple 'mummy's poorly and daddy has to go out so granny is going to look after you' would of been fine. There's nothing to negotiate, DD is a child and doesn't dictate your lives. I wouldn't of asked her, I'd of told her.

OP you've given a huge dripfeed at the end of your thread which usually happens when people start disagreeing with the op which if you included at the start, would have changed many of the responses you've had.

I still can't believe you married a man who told you football would always be his priority. What do you expect from someone who would say that to you?

Midge1978 - I'm not quite sure where you get the idea that you are being unreasonable and controlling yourself? I have just skimmed the answers on this thread, but most of them seem to be saying you are quite justified, in the circumstances you describe, to feel this way about your DH's behaviour. Or maybe I read it as that because that's what I think?

Yeah he's being a selfish twat. YANBU

Feeling bad about moaning about him online. Was just feeling low and angry. Thanks for your comments, am going to draw a line under it now.

Selfish man!!

My ex used to be like this, hence we are now divorced.

He is a piece of work isn't he. A hobby is no excuse or reason to not take care of your family. He'd do my head in, he sounds very immature and utterly pathetic letting a football match take propriety over his family.
Next time he is sick give him the same care he has given you.

Have you watched Fever Pitch?

There are plenty of comments supporting your view. I don't think you're being controlling and it's not unreasonable to expect a husband to show some concern for his wife and to expect a dad to occasionally give up his hobby to look after his child. Disappointed in all the posters making OP feel she's asked for something really out of order. She hasn't. Go over to Relationships OP.

I'm not quite sure where you get the idea that you are being unreasonable and controlling yourself?

Several posters have told her that. They think it's perfectly fine for OP's husband to get someone to babysit, so he doesn't have to miss his precious football, instead of looking after the OP and their DD.

Bugger, bold fail.

He told me when we first met that football would always be his number one priority so I have no right to complain.

Did you think he was serious when he said this? I would have assumed he was joking or exaggerating. I am shocked that he really means that he loves watching a football match more than he loves you or his child. As a grown man, a husband and a father he needs to seriously reflect on his priorities. I think you were right to expect him to provide a bit of care for you both.

Ok maybe I am being unreasonable. He told me when we first met that football would always be his number one priority so I have no right to complain.

YOu married a dick who just prioritized football over his still not 100% DD and his now sick wife.

What a prize. Will he encourage his DD to marry someone like himself? Will you?

I would give serious thoughts to how you want this relationship to continue.

OP, don't take the controlling comments to heart. In isolation, this one particular incident, I think you are being controlling. I also suspect this is only the tip of the iceberg and you'd be happy supporting him getting your child minded so he could go to the football if he wasn't generally selfish.

So my understanding is that he's not really in general accommodating you or your child and this particular situation has gotten to you as a result. People can only really answer you me question about this particular incident though.