To be seething at DH

[Midge1978]

I have looked after dd all week with the vomiting bug and now I’ve come down with it myself. Dh is refusing to look after her this afternoon because he wants to go to the football. He’s now trying to guilt trip dd into going to her grandma’s when she doesn’t want to. Aibu to think that just this once he should look after dd and put his own interests second?!

Actually, I've changed my mind on this.

The OP is ill. Her DH has plans and wants to stick to them, but acknowledges that dd needs covering. He's organised something. He has not demanded that the OP looks after her from her sick bed - she's chosen to do this presumably. So this actually comes down to one of them being prepared to let the child dictate the proceedings and the other one not. If the OP is on childcare duty, then actually that's her choice.

Exactly @FitBitFanClub

YANBU. Poor grandma. What if she has plans. It's his child. Get well soon!

Poor grandma. What if she has plans.

Then presumably she would say no!

Yanbu

OP has said MIL supports DH so I assume that means she's happy to have DD. OP is being a bloody martyr.

I am genuinely surprised though that so many of you think that it’s ok for dh to bugger off and do his own thing and get his mum to do what he should be doing. Doesn’t matter whether his mum is prepared to help or not, he’s the parent not her.

I’ve had to have a week off work to take care of her which I’m happy to do as she’s my priority. If the roles were reversed there’s no way I’d dump my child off so I could have my fun. All he had to do was skip one football match to take care of us both. Why does he pick and choose when he gets to be a parent or partner? Seems to be one rule for men and one for women and it’s so depressing to see this double standard validated on mumsnet

It’s also genuinely annoying listening to him guilt tripping a five year old into doing what’s convenient for him.

Why does he pick and choose when he gets to be a parent

Have you never used a sitter or chid care to do something non work related? If you have then there's no double standards.

Yanbu. I agree completely with your last comment too.

If dh is ill I pick up the slack and cancel anything that isn’t essential. Wouldn’t occur to me to delegate it all.

I think, annoying and all as it is, that if he manages to arrange alternative childcare that's his business. As for DD not wanting to go, it's up to him to convince her or put his foot down and deal with it. As long as you get your recovery time fully off I would let him get on with it.

You are NOT being unreasonable. He is being a selfish knob! What was the outcome OP? X

You're married to an arse

I think it’s clear who the selfish ones are on this thread when it comes to doing their bit

He’s a cock OP. I’ll bet you wouldn’t piss off out if he was the one unwell.

You wouldn't hear the end of it if it was the other way around!!!! X

Dd was getting distressed- mil was going to take her to the soft play and dd was upset saying she was tired and wanted to stay home. Dh got huffy and went to the footy. I’ve occupied her this afternoon. Not because I’m a martyr or pandering to her but because she’s had a long week and doesn’t really deserve to be bullied into going somewhere she doesn’t want to. We managed to play a few games that involved me not having to move much!

I just find this whole situation really odd.

If my 5yo was told they are going to grandmas they go to grandmas. If they're tired grandma puts them in front of the TV instead taking them out.

Do you need looking after OP? That's the question. You're making it about you and your DH rather than your DD.

As you didn't answer re the babysitting, presumably you do so it's no different. Would I have done it no but neither would I be cross if we had both used sitters in the past.

If it's a sickness bug we try and contain the sick person so that it doesn't spread more than it has too so the other would likely have taken the others out.

Yellow we have used grandparents before but it tends to be if both of us are going for an anniversary meal. I wouldn’t dump my child on someone at such short notice if it was avoidable. Our kid, our responsibility!

YADNBU. He's a selfish twat.

But MIL is happy to help so what is the problem? Because you say it's not ok? Sounds quite controlling to me...

OP is right, there is some sexist bullshit showing in this thread

He's an equal partner and parent. His wife is sick. No football for him this week. It's called Being an adult.

His wife is sick so he has arranged alternative childcare. OP can get peace and quiet. I'm sure as an adult OP can look after herself for a few hours.

I don't think it is sexist or unreasonable to have his willing mum babysit so he can continue with his plans.

Did you want him to prioritise you over football however? If so, did you ask him to stay as you needed support because you are unwell? If he refused to care for you and decided to go out instead then he is unreasonable. If you are fed up because he regularly opts out of family life, he is unreasonable and you need to discuss it. If you are annoyed he seems to find being a parent less hard work than you, as he can rely on his family, you are unreasonable.