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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel so let down by my side of the family.

85 replies

Elcybeecee · 25/11/2017 13:06

Will try and keep this as short as possible, DS went into A&E Wednesday night with breathing difficulty, got dropped off in the middle of the night by DH who then drove home and went back to bed (he didn't think it was that serious). Spent 7 hours in A&E on my own holding DS (he's 11 months and couldn't be put down as had to stop him pulling his oxygen mask/monitoring device off) was texting dm from 6am that morning that ds was being put on oxygen that I was on my own and then that he was being admitted to the ward. Dm only lives twenty minutes drive away so I was sure she would pop in to see me while I was on A&E, she is normally a really involved grandparent, looks after DS a couple of days in the week while I'm at work and loves him to bits, but only got text from her to say keep her updated. Dh came back from work and we got admitted to the ward. It soon became apparent that ds would definitely be staying in so was sure dm would drop in to see him as some point that day. Dh got a call from dm at 6.00pm to say she had an appointment at 6.30pm and couldn't make it as visiting hours finish at 8.30pm. I couldn't believe it, she had booked to go away for the weekend the next day so I get that she had stuff to sort out but I can't believe she was that busy she couldn't spare an hour. Then got text from her in the middle of the night saying could she pop in first thing in the morning, I was staying overnight with ds in the hospital we had such a terrible night I forgot to reply, but she text the same to dh and he said please do come. Roll on lunchtime the next day and I called her to see when she was coming to be told 1. She was leaving for her weekend away now, 2. Ds had me and dh and that all he needed 3. She spoke to her friend about what ds has and her friends daughter had the same and was fine, so its not serious (he's been on oxygen and nebuliser since he came from A&E 4. That she has a slight cold and doesn't want to give it to him and 5. That she was going to come in at 6am to visit but I never got back to her (I don't know a hospital in the world that has visiting hours that start from 6am) . I was really annoyed but didn't say anything at the time, she away now and text me lots but it still really make me sad that ds hasn't had any visitors, DH's mum and sister live abroad and even they have offered to come over and give us a hand and see ds. He has now been on the ward for two nights and will definetly be staying another at least, so whats really tipped me over the edge is dsister called last night to say would we like her to visit I said great and gave her visiting times, text her this morning to say what time was she coming and she now said she won't be there until tomorrow. I replied back with a snippy text which I now regret, but AIBU to feel let down. If it was either of them in hospital I'd be straight there, that day not on maybe on day 4.

OP posts:
LeCroissant · 25/11/2017 13:19

Eh...why are you not more upset about your child's father fucking off and leaving you there? Your mother hasn't been great but he does have two parents and one just left - I think you're annoyed at the wrong people.

I really hope your DS is well very soon.

confusedlittleone · 25/11/2017 13:22

So your annoyed that your dm left you alone at the hospital by not visiting but completely fine with your oh fucking off?

ILoveMillhousesDad · 25/11/2017 13:22

Eh...why are you not more upset about your child's father fucking off and leaving you there?

My first thought too.

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 25/11/2017 13:24

I'm also Shock that DH left you there!

Witchend · 25/11/2017 13:25

She may not have realised you wanted her there it she was allowed.
Our hospital has visiting time all the time for parents/guardians and other people are restricted timings only.
Unless you said please come she may have felt you wanted to be paying him individual attention and she'd be a distraction.

Notreallyarsed · 25/11/2017 13:26

I think it’s your DH who should be the target of your anger. What a cunt to fuck off home and leave you and your poorly baby! If he’s in A&E it’s bloody serious!

mothergetslippy · 25/11/2017 13:29

The only reason my DH would bugger off and leave me at the hospital is if my other son needed looking after.

I can't believe him.........focus on that rather than your DM. Misplaced anger I think!!

TidyDancer · 25/11/2017 13:32

I wouldn't expect my DM to visit in those circumstances tbh. Parents only seems more appropriate. I'm surprised, as others have said, that you're not more angry about your DH leaving. I think your upset is misplaced.

What did the snippy text say? You might need to apologise for that.

ssd · 25/11/2017 13:32

agree with everyone else

also am sure your mum imagined your dh would be with you and not pissing off back to bed

expatinscotland · 25/11/2017 13:35

Um, your DH is the one who should be the subject of your anger. And if your mother has a cold she should not be anywhere near a children's ward in a hospital. YABVU! Your child's father left you there to get some sleep because he didn't think it was that serious and you're whinging about your mother?!!

ssd · 25/11/2017 13:43

also if your baby's breathing is that serious that you had to go to a&e in the middle of the night, then why did your dh bugger off?

stop being a twat, your dh is a dick

roomsonfire · 25/11/2017 13:46

your DM is right not to come in if she suspects she has a cold. ESP with a child having breathing difficulties.

your husband is a twat for fucking off home and not making more effort/booking the day off so you could sleep a bit.

Psychobabble123 · 25/11/2017 13:46

Yeah forget your mum, its your pathetic useless husband you want to be worried about!

pudcat · 25/11/2017 13:48

Surely the less people visiting a sick child in hospital is all the better, to keeps germs and viruses etc. to minimum.

Bumbumtaloo · 25/11/2017 13:48

Sorry OP I’m another who thinks your anger is misplaced. And to echo another poster it was the right thing for your DM to do if she has a cold.

Liskee · 25/11/2017 13:48

Agree with all the sentiments of PPs! You’re DH just dumped you at the hospital and you seem fine with it. But your mum WHO HAS A COLD says she thinks it’s best not to visit your child who has respiratory problems and she’s the worst in the world. Your DS is 11 months old. He doesn’t give a shit who visits him as long as you and his daddy are there. What you’re really annoyed about is that no one was there to support you. Next time open your mouth, speak up and say I need help. Be the adult.

WatchingFromTheWings · 25/11/2017 13:50

Your DH should not have gone home and back to bed! Your anger is very misplaced!

Skyechasemarshalontheway · 25/11/2017 13:52

Both my dc have been in hospital needing oxygen and nebulisers numerous times over the years.

I would be more angry at dh going home before drs had checked dc out.
Also he should be sharing nights in the hospital if you wanted that.

One night ds1 went in when dd was 5 months and bf and all 4 of us stayed the first night. The nurses put me and dd in a side room instead of leaving in the middle of the night.

Mrskeats · 25/11/2017 13:53

Agree with all the above posters
This was a job for your husband. It's him you should be mad at.

PinkyBlunder · 25/11/2017 13:54

Why does your mother or your sister have to be at A&E? It’s the parents of the child that are needed there. I’m a bit dumbfounded that you’re furious about your sister and your mother not attending to be with you but it’s ok for your husband to go back to bed.... if my child was having breathing problems there’d be no way in hell I’d be anywhere but with them.

sleeponeday · 25/11/2017 13:54

Your mum is absolutely right; a baby with respiratory problems severe enough to land them in hospital shouldn't risk any sort of cold.

I understand it's scary and frightening, but like everyone else but my jaw dropped when you said your child's father just dropped you off and left as he "didn't think it was that serious". His child was at a hospital. How serious does it need to be? It wasn't the well baby clinic or even a GP. It was the hospital so he could get checked out. If you needed someone's support, then the obvious candidate is the child's other parent.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 25/11/2017 13:55

Your child was taken to A&E with breathing difficulties & your husband took himself off home & back to bed? Wtf Hmm

Candlelight234 · 25/11/2017 13:55

You are mad at the wrong person here - your DH basically left you to it!
Also you do not want someone with a slight cold to visit you when you've got a child with breathing difficulties.

PinkyBlunder · 25/11/2017 13:56

And I missed the bit about DM having a cold. She’s totally right, she shouldn’t be near a children’s ward or a child with breathing difficulties with a cold

Olicity17 · 25/11/2017 13:58

Yabu. Your dh should have stayed.

Your mum was right to stay away with a cold. Also since YOU were the one at the hospital your mum probably didnt want to turn up on dhs say so. Since he was at home and not the one dealing with everything at the hospital. Its ok for him to say she should visit, when he isnt doing anything.

I cant believe he went home because he didnt think it was serious. And you are mad at your mum.

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