To feel so let down by my side of the family.

[Elcybeecee]

Will try and keep this as short as possible, DS went into A&E Wednesday night with breathing difficulty, got dropped off in the middle of the night by DH who then drove home and went back to bed (he didn't think it was that serious). Spent 7 hours in A&E on my own holding DS (he's 11 months and couldn't be put down as had to stop him pulling his oxygen mask/monitoring device off) was texting dm from 6am that morning that ds was being put on oxygen that I was on my own and then that he was being admitted to the ward. Dm only lives twenty minutes drive away so I was sure she would pop in to see me while I was on A&E, she is normally a really involved grandparent, looks after DS a couple of days in the week while I'm at work and loves him to bits, but only got text from her to say keep her updated. Dh came back from work and we got admitted to the ward. It soon became apparent that ds would definitely be staying in so was sure dm would drop in to see him as some point that day. Dh got a call from dm at 6.00pm to say she had an appointment at 6.30pm and couldn't make it as visiting hours finish at 8.30pm. I couldn't believe it, she had booked to go away for the weekend the next day so I get that she had stuff to sort out but I can't believe she was that busy she couldn't spare an hour. Then got text from her in the middle of the night saying could she pop in first thing in the morning, I was staying overnight with ds in the hospital we had such a terrible night I forgot to reply, but she text the same to dh and he said please do come. Roll on lunchtime the next day and I called her to see when she was coming to be told 1. She was leaving for her weekend away now, 2. Ds had me and dh and that all he needed 3. She spoke to her friend about what ds has and her friends daughter had the same and was fine, so its not serious (he's been on oxygen and nebuliser since he came from A&E 4. That she has a slight cold and doesn't want to give it to him and 5. That she was going to come in at 6am to visit but I never got back to her (I don't know a hospital in the world that has visiting hours that start from 6am) . I was really annoyed but didn't say anything at the time, she away now and text me lots but it still really make me sad that ds hasn't had any visitors, DH's mum and sister live abroad and even they have offered to come over and give us a hand and see ds. He has now been on the ward for two nights and will definetly be staying another at least, so whats really tipped me over the edge is dsister called last night to say would we like her to visit I said great and gave her visiting times, text her this morning to say what time was she coming and she now said she won't be there until tomorrow. I replied back with a snippy text which I now regret, but AIBU to feel let down. If it was either of them in hospital I'd be straight there, that day not on maybe on day 4.

How on earth could your DH even get back to sleep? Or focus at work knowing his kid was in the hospital? I’d be frantic!

OP I've been exactly where you are, it's so hard. You literally can't leave your baby for a moment when they're on oxygen and distressed. I hope he's ok the mend very soon so you can all get home and get some proper rest.

Don't obsess about your mum, she may have underestimated how hard a time you were having as you didn't actually ask her to come in at the beginning. And if she's got a cold she's right to stay away.

And for those going into a huge lather about her 'twat' husband, show a little compassion, she's got bigger things to worry about this week than satisfying the LTB brigade on here.

It wouldn't occur to me to expect visits in hospital to my child from her grandparents but I would be absolutely livid if my husband "dropped me" at A&E and then went back to bed. What an odd thread!

Sorry that your son isn't well and hope he picks up soon.

You are being unreasonable, for a start an 11 month old wont know that he has had no visitors.

You need to have a stern word with your OH, he sounds very unsupportive.

Maybe your family have stayed away in the vain hope that it would spur your OH into stepping up?

Poorly babies do not need visitors. You needed support. Your first port of call should have been your husband. By dropping you off at A & E, going straight home to sleep and then going to work the next day, he was clearly signalling to everyone that your baby was not seriously ill. Woman often get judged by far higher standards than men as I think your post demonstrates.

I agree with everyone else. Your anger is misplaced. It also sounds as though your DM wasn't entirely clear that you wanted her to visit. Guidelines for A&E differ. Some limit who can visit and the number of visitors. Others will let family drop in at unusual times eg 6am. You can't expect your DM to know which rules applied in your DS' case.
From my own experience, my family are excellent hospital visitors but when DS was admitted through A&E none of the family visited. It was only DH and I that stayed with him and we kept family updated.

Agree with everyone else. Also I would not have visited my sister and her ill baby in A&E unless I knew they wanted me there. Not because of a lack of care, but because I know in these situations parents often do not want visitors.

There's no point having both parents in hospital watching over a sick baby. Especially if he is being kept in—in which case they will probably want to do 'shifts' so one of them is with the child at all times. Neither your mum not your husband has done anything for you to be upset about.
Perhaps the husband is trying to minimise disruption to his work so he can use his allotted leave to spend quality time with family... not fussing around in a hospital being of no use.

nor your husband, not "not"

tinymeteor, you are the only one who mentioned LTB

I agree with what everyone else said. The fewer visitors to babies in hospital the better.

I also think your DH needs a kick up the bum.

Your DH is an absolute cock! I'd seriously be asking myself some questions

DS went into A&E Wednesday night with breathing difficulty, got dropped off in the middle of the night by DH who then drove home and went back to bed (he didn't think it was that serious). Spent 7 hours in A&E on my own holding DS

OP, as pp said, you're angry at the wrong person. Why is it ok for DH to decide it's not serious, but not your DM?

It really seems like you're trying to avoid confronting issues with DH by focusing on your mum and sis.

If you do lots for your DM and sis and they don't reciprocate, then that's another issue (although it sounds like you're very lucky that your DM is an involved DM).

My DH would need to keep sleeping and going to work even if our children were sick if we wanted to have a home for them to be discharged to.

Despite what a lot of MNers think, not everybody is an employee in a nice cosy office who can just drop everything without consequence.

She’s right to stay away if she’s unwell.
Why did your dc father leave?

I wouldn't want or expect my mum or siblings there. Why wasn't your husband?

I hope you're son is doing ok, and I hope you are getting the support you need.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be supported in this situation. If you were a friend of mine I would happily stop by for a couple of hours. Do you have a friend you could ask?

My DH dropped me off at A&E recently. I had an Asthma attack.

The difference was, we had children asleep at home. Yes they are 10 and above but it was 3am. Only the eldest knew we were gone. The waiting room was overflowing. I thought I'd be there all night, just waiting. As it was the Triage nurse sent me straight through. I had a lower lung infection. Although it would have been nice to have him there, I'm a grown-up and my kids were at home. I have no family within 5 hours of me.

However, my youngest has Asthma and as a very young toddler would be admitted regularly with breathing problems. Often we were both there together. Sometimes we would tag-team so one of us got rest. We never ever had 'visitors'. It would never had occurred to me.

So under your particular circumstances OP, I think YABU and yes I think your DH should have stayed if you needed the support.

I agree your anger is entirely misplaced. The last thing your 11 month old sick baby and the hospital need are a succession of visitors at the moment. You probably need the visitors, as staying in hospital 24/7 with a sick child is horribly stressful, but not your baby - he just needs you and your frankly rather useless sounding dh. And unless you make it clear to your family that you really need them to visit for the moral support, it's not unreasonable for them to assume that their presence wouldn't help the situation right now, especially if your dh is in there with you as much as possible, or instead of you if you need to escape the claustrophobic environment, as he should be.

You need to be angrier at your DH. Your DM didn't need to pop down at all. You are his parents. You are grown ups. You have to deal with stuff without your parents sometimes.

It's nice, sure, when people do visit but I wouldn't want my kid exposed to anyone else while they were sick with something lung related. Especially if they have a cold.

I hope your little boy gets well soon OP but YABU.

Elton, they both are employed, maybe her DH should have played tag team so she could get some sleep and go to work too (although it sounds like OP's priority was, understandably, her poorly baby).

Your mum was absolutely right not to visit when she had a cold to a children's ward. She also has a point to say there was nothing she could do with both you and your partner there. Honestly I do not think she has done anything wrong.

Am also that you are making a big deal about your mother not visiting but then are fine that your husband fucked off and went back to bed. If my son had to go to hospital for whatever reason, his dad would be there with me.

Hope your ds is now doing better.

A baby on oxygen doesn't need visitors and hospital wards are busy enough without unnecessary people wandering in and out. She probably thought if your DH didn't think it was serious enough to stay then she wasn't needed.

I can only echo what everyone else has said. Your attitude and sense of right and wrong OP, is appalling.

Get well soon to your little baby!
It's so scary taking them to hospital and seeing the gadgets go on

I'm with pretty much every other poster though... an 11 month will not know or care about visitors. If there are visitors, they're for you and that's fair enough.

Did your mother know your husband wasn't with you? (I'm just holding off on saying "didn't bother to stay" in case there is a good reason)
If she did, that would be s big signal that they're just being safe with your son, and actually it's not so bad for him or you that she needs to rush to your side.

Btw - I have never forgotten that when my 3yo had difficult breathing and NHS Direct were prepared to send an ambulance but said I could drive if I went in immediately, my XH left me to it. 5am, went back to sleep. Works for himself and there was cover. I had to drive by myself when someone should have been holding my baby's hand, and telling me not to worry, breathing hadn't worsened, and everything would be OK.