To use caterers in my own home?

[thatsenoughalready]

Can I ask, do people think it's bit rude to use caterers if you're hosting a dinner party at home? I've done quite a few dinner parties recently and another one tomorrow night. Now DH has asked people over next weekend and I can't be bothered. Would it be odd?

If it’s his friends coming for dinner, do you need to be there? When DH has his golf friends for dinner, I escape to the local wine bar to meet up with my friends.

ChiefClerkDrumknott,

Brilliant riposte.

And so true.

“Now DH has asked people over next weekend and I can't be bothered.”

Did he consult you before he did this? We only invite friends round to eat so I don’t feel I have to impress anyone, therefore I cook because I enjoy doing it.

“Do people come to your house expecting home/cooked food and an effort to have been made?”

In my case, yes. None of our friends get caterers in, they just cook themselves, so it isn’t the done thing in our friendship group. If I don’t feel like cooking we just get a take away instead.

He won't sort it Chief. He is very lovely about many things, he really is, but he would think I'm being pedantic and taking issue for the sake of it or having a go at him in an indirect way. This is how he perceives things. Like tomorrow he is planning to do all sorts of "helpful" things like take the kids here and there and he will probably go out on his bike and then burn stuff in the garden. What I would rather she did was plan to help get the house ready in the afternoon while I'm cooking. He will if I ask him, but only that one particular task.

If I hear the word "Friendship Group" again I will be very cross. Americanisms again.

Back in the day it was Friends.

I wonder if this is part of a bigger problem. How often does your H feel entitled to invite people you don't know into your home and expect you to wait on them? How much domestic work/childcare does he do when there are no guests present?

What do you think would happen if you said to him 'I don't mind you inviting friends over but I am tired of cooking, so I will not be cooking the meal. I'm going to go out and leave you to it.'

He's not lovely.

Tell us more. There's going to be more to tell.

Totally fine . Iv had chefs come to my home before and it's been a gods send

Well if he won’t sort out the food/cooking, his guests will be going hungry. Sounds like you are the “staff”.

I don't he thinks equality and pulling your weight and taking responsibilty within a relationship is you being pedantic and making an issue for the sake of it, then you have massive problems.

Tell us more. There's going to be more to tell.

I think we all know what the story is.

If he thinks ^

We've been to dinner parties like that; they were great. It's nice to be in someone's home because you can relax for the evening, the kids can go off and play, etc. Great food, everyone is relaxed, what's not to like? Frankly, all I've felt about it was envy!

We haven't done a party like that but we having gotten massive amounts of food from our favorite Indian and served it. Super fun, everyone loved it, and I actually felt relaxed and enjoyed having people over instead of feeling pressure. (I think that got started from DH inviting people over and me telling him he was in charge of the food).

I'd go for the caterers, would be such a treat. Cook stuff is fine occasionally but it's nowhere near as good as you'd make yourself and I'd never give any of their main courses to guests, some of the puds are not so bad.

I don't want to make DH out to be really awkward because it's not so much like that, but I think like many men he's on a different wavelength. He would mop the floor if I asked him, but then it would be like a lake. Then he would bring his bikes through and make it muddy. I know that sounds petty, but he thinks he's helping.
The more I reflect, caterers are the way to go. I will do M&S Christmas as far as possible as well.,

Sounds like your DH makes no contribution to the home - I still don’t understand why you are sorting the catering for his friends?

Oh hang on a minute. This isn’t the same man who treats you like shit and, something about having a go at you for the door frames being dirty, or something (my memory fails me)?

He won't sort it Chief

Well tough shit, then. Either he sorts it or it doesn't happen. I don't understand why you are letting this happen. My DP wouldn't dream of doing this because he knows I would simply tell him to get fucked. I suggest you tell him to sort it and not expect me to lift a damned finger

I will do M&S Christmas as far as possible as well

Me too, have ordered a stuffed pheasant and a stuffed Guinea foul that you put in the oven, all ready done. Life's too short to fart around slaving over a stove when there are better things to do

We do it a few times a year. It means we can really socialise and don't have to worry about running around the kitchen. Go for it!

You know that you sound like a lovely and intelligent person, but I think you are setting the bar a little low here love.

You dont seriously think your husband is incapable of mopping a floor or cooking a meal do you? Presumably he manages to hold down a responsible and demanding job? He's done a number on you and it's lazy and dishonest.

To be honest, Janice, I have posted about him about a year ago when he was very stressed with work. But he is more chilled these days, so please don't link to that previous thread because I've moved on a lot.

Christmas is often shit for the wifeworker. Maybe women are controlling shits too though, it can happen. No one will do it the same, as good, or the right way as I do, or the way Mum taught me. There is that issue too.

Men cooking... well some are fortunate, but many are not.

My DH is not on a different wavelength OP, we’re on the same wavelength. That’s why I married him.

he thinks he's helping

Either he’s deeply stupid, deeply immature or you haven’t set him straight. What are you afraid of? Why have you married a man who doesn’t pull his weight or listen?

Your expectations are so low it’s depressing.

You may have moved on, but he hasn’t OP. Honestly, it doesn’t sound like he’s made any improvement. Has he, or have you just altered your already low expectations?