Just found out a work colleague's mum does her washing and ironing... AIBU to be shocked?

[ChabuddysPeanutDust]

She's in her 30s, doesn't live at home. No kids. No LDs or anything like that.

Just

I knew people would pile on the OP.

I think it is a bit odd.

My MIL has been a life saver when I've needed to drop things off or steal her washer. But she is not my maid.

Then again I know a family where all the kids have families of their own and they were still staying at mums rather than with their DP/DH regularly and would go to mums for breakfast.

It's all a little bit 'need to cut the apron strings' to me.

Lipstick what is so strange about doing your ohs washing and ironing?
I did my husbands for 27 years and in that time I never put a bin out, washed up more than the odd plate and cup or put away shopping. All jobs I am more than capable of doing just as he would have been capable of working the washing machine.
Surely all families do different tasks for each other and it does mean you are being put upon?

YANBU to be shocked, I think it's pretty unusual.. fine as a temporary thing or one off occasionally if they need help but every week posssibly without anything in return- odd.

Also think it's a bit fucked up that these women are so conditioned into doing wifework they do more of it than they have to and see it as an expression of love.

My gran is mid 60s and does my dads whos 47. His wife and him work in different counrties so my gran is always nipping in now shes retired so takes his washing pile to hers and brings it back the next day.

My dad was always hands on with washing etc when we were children so i suspect its all so she has a excuse to come visit him a few times a weeks. She lives less then 5 minutes from him.

My amazing MIL does our washing and I’m a SAHM.

But, our house is tiny and badly ventilated so I find drying washing for a family of four in winter an absolute nightmare. She picks up our washing of an evening after work, then delivers it back washed and folded the next evening.

She also irons my DH (her DS’s) work shirts. She’s a superstar and I can’t believe my luck!

I find it incredible that so many on this thread think this is fine/normal/no biggie.

I've never lived close to my mother or step mother but I would be horrified if they wanted to spend the years after their kids have left home, when they should feel less tied down and enslaved by domestic drudgery, doing MY washing and My ironing. God what a waste of a life!

IcingSausage

Your mil does washing and ironing for your family of 4 after she's been at work all day? Did I read that right?

Mums like doing things for their kids!

I'm in my late 30's I don't live at home in fact I live a hundred miles away I get I'll do the house, have you got any laundry I could do for you. I say repeatedly no mum I don't want you doing that in fact I don't like you doing it you've worked all your life brought up 4 kids, taught hundreds thousands more, had dogs etc I don't want you doing my washing. I still get emails going I'm coming down at the weekend can you get the laundry ready for me to pick up.

But tim what if they don't see it as a waste of a life, just what a mum does. My mum gets offended if any of us tell her not to do something. why waste time siting having a cup of tea if she could be helping

The last bit is my mus attitude not mine.

We actually got in to a blazing arguement once because I asked her 4 times to sit down and enjoy the tea and cake and in the end I shut the kitchen door and she got upset I wouldn't let her help.

Yep. Why, has it got you hoiking your judgey pants up?

Not that I have to justify myself to you, but our small house has a mould problem, a half size washing machine and no tumble dryer.
MIL insists in winter and I’m eternally grateful.

I'm amazed at how many people think this is normal behaviour! You are an adult you should be able to wash your own clothes and iron them (though I don't understand why anything other than a shirt would need ironing and I too have a dusty ironing board). The way people justify this is staggering even if your MIL/Mum/Gran etc loves ironing and laundry there is no need for them to be doing yours in addition to your own. Why not hire a cleaner or pay someone else to do it for you and stop taking advantage!

My ex mil does my ex bil's washing. He's 46. Ridiculous. She has arthritis and really struggles with her hands. She falls from time to time and still goes and does his cleaning and takes his washing home to do. He lives alone and doesn't work. He's 'ill' but I'm bloody certain he's not too ill to flap a duster round from time to time and stick a wash on.

Icingsausage

Your family (you and your dh) are taking advantage of your mil!

Get a condenser dryer or a heated airer like everyone else. Buy a dehumidifier for the mould and open the windows. Stop acting like a child.

I was recently promoted at work and my hours increased, the first thing I intended to do was get a cleaner. My mum was horrified, she hated the idea that I would be paying someone when she had the time to help me out for free.

She does a bit of cleaning and always does my ironing. She does this because she wants to help me out, not because she is female and feels she is carrying a life of domestic drudgery.

I know that I am incredibly lucky and I appreciate everything she does for me.

I feel embarrassed for the adults who are happy to farm this domestic chore out to their older female relatives. Note we don't see anyone's Dad or Fil doing their washing. Cringeworthy.

I haven't farmed anything out LoveYouTimMinchin I have simply accepted help from my mum. I have a wonderful mum who is supportive, helpful and my best friend. She helps me, she is my mum.

My mum does our cleaning

Don't you feel you'd like to be independent and not need "help" from your Mum?

Your family (you and your dh) are taking advantage of your mil!

You know precisely nothing about me, my DH or my MIL. You know nothing of our relationships, the things we do for each other or how we each help each other out. The things we each do for each other because we love each other and like to make each other’s lives easier where we can.

You know nothing about how MIL does our washing and drying because she has a large machine and a tumble dryer that we don’t have and how in return we help her with caring for and mowing her (too large) garden. You know nothing about how DH maintains and looks after her car or how he does odd jobs and fixes things around her house that she doesnt know how to do.

You know nothing about how I bake regularly and take her cakes every weekend.

In short, fuck off.

Don't know if I would want my mum seeing my granny knickers

I find this bizarre to be honest but I'm pretty self sufficient and wouldn't expect it.

I do know someone with a similar set up whose mum literally does everything for them, comes every day and cleans, makes dinner, minds dc anytime, my mum does nothing!

I would like to be somewhere in the middle when mine are grown up

I work FT in a very demanding job. My DH works full time. She said she’d like to help. Who am I to argue??

My mum does some of my ironing I do some of her drying and shopping and anything else she asks for. She’s a young 60 who stil likes to mother us. I like doing things for her.

My mum does my ironing. I'm nearly 40, married, 3 DC. Work FT.

Mum likes ironing, I hate it. Everyone's happy.

Mum doesn't drive, I drive her places if she needs me to. It probably all works out equally in the end.

I think other people's family dynamics often look a bit odd to outsiders. As long as people are happy though it's fair enough. The only time I've found something like that weird was a bloke I used to know who would drive 300 miles to his mum's house with a car full of washing instead of using his perfectly functioning washing machine, but only because it seemed such a faff compared to walking into the kitchen.

I wouldn't feel anything much either way, not sure why it'd matter to you who does a colleagues washing?