Borrowing money from son's savings

[sailorcherries]

So I'm on mat leave and this is the last pay day where I will recieve smp, in December it'll be a full wage again thankfully.

DS2 was completely unplanned and followed a house move so savings were thin on the ground but we tried to do as best we could.

I've used my savings however I've also ended up borrowing £1500 to date from my son's savings. My smp was almost £1100 less than my wage, and it just wasn't possible to survive otherwise.

DS1 (7) had over £6000 in savings that he has no access to until he is at least 18. I borrowed money from here. The money will all be replaced by this time next year, and definitely before he's 18.

I've felt awful for using the money but we genuinely couldn't have survived otherwise, unless I returned to work early. My DM is a trustee for this savings account also and looked at her online statement, noticing the missing money. She had a go at me, calling me selfish and a thief essentially.

Was I really being unreasonable to borrow the money when it was really necessary? It's not something I've done before and I'm not proud, but it will be replaced and DS1 will never be any the wiser nor miss out as a result.

So I spoke to my mum and she apologised. She said it was a) knee jerk reaction due to her mother and sibilings/neices/nephew doing the same and not paying it back. My cousins 'borrowed' around 10k from my mum and dad before my gran passed away and have never repaid it. I knew we never spoke for other reasons but didn't know about this; and b) she didn't realise how tight things were and got annoyed.

I'm glad it's all cleared up OP. Nothing against your mother but I really would have her removed from the account now. As an adult you no longer require her to be this involved.

If the money is in your DSs' names then when they are 18 they can do whatever they like with it and you will have no control .

Personally I think you should give them a lot less pocket money. If you have to borrow from them (which is understandable) then you don't have the money to hand over so much regularly in pocket money. Your 5yo gets more from you monthly than my 13yo does!

Teen the money is sitting for them to spend wisely and will be discussed with them.
My son is 7.
He gets £20 pocket money or did until SMP. When I am working this is completely affordable.

Thanks

YANBU. We had pretty much the same setup for our two DD's and on occasions when times have been very lean we've dipped into it and replaced it when we were better off.

The girls never knew and never lost out on money. Better for us to be able to keep a roof over their heads and feed them than leave a few thousand sitting in the bank until they turn 18 imo.

The thing is, you can 'discuss' with them, but when they are 18 it is their money and you can't actually stop them withdrawing it and blowing it. The most sensible 7 or 12 or even 15 yo can change. It only needs an unsuitable girl/boy friend, or drugs, or just a teenager kicking-back generally.

But it is, of course, up to individual families to make these decisions.

Teen thank you for your answer to my question.

I just think that it's wishful thinking on your part to think that your son will put the money towards a house deposit. Any 18 year old I know will first of all think about going out with his mates, go on holidays and impress them all with a fancy car. You will have absolutely no control over what he does with it. My 15 year old gets £20 a month pocket money.

What I give/gave my child is not the issue. Something he may or may not do in 11 years is not the issue. As I've said it is over with now.

My parents borrowed money from me in similar circumstances and paid me interest

Just replace it when you can and give yourself a break.

I’m glad your Mum realised she had been unreasonable and apologised, OP.