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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Borrowing money from son's savings

112 replies

sailorcherries · 23/11/2017 07:16

So I'm on mat leave and this is the last pay day where I will recieve smp, in December it'll be a full wage again thankfully.

DS2 was completely unplanned and followed a house move so savings were thin on the ground but we tried to do as best we could.

I've used my savings however I've also ended up borrowing £1500 to date from my son's savings. My smp was almost £1100 less than my wage, and it just wasn't possible to survive otherwise.

DS1 (7) had over £6000 in savings that he has no access to until he is at least 18. I borrowed money from here. The money will all be replaced by this time next year, and definitely before he's 18.

I've felt awful for using the money but we genuinely couldn't have survived otherwise, unless I returned to work early. My DM is a trustee for this savings account also and looked at her online statement, noticing the missing money. She had a go at me, calling me selfish and a thief essentially.

Was I really being unreasonable to borrow the money when it was really necessary? It's not something I've done before and I'm not proud, but it will be replaced and DS1 will never be any the wiser nor miss out as a result.

OP posts:
WatchingFromTheWings · 23/11/2017 07:57

You’d be daft not to borrow the money in the circumstances. Unless your mother put the money in (which she clearly did not from your posts) she needs to mind her own business.

Get her off the account or better still, open a new one in your name only and transfer it ASAP. As a pp has suggested, I’d be worried she’ll take it out herself to stop you borrowing it.

Original poster
sailorcherries · 23/11/2017 08:00

DS has 2 savings accounts. One capped at £5000 (which my mum is on) and one with no cap, which was opened once the original one met its limit.

I borrowed from the capped account and money is still going in to the other (and any money recieved for Christmas will go in there). Once I repay the money he won't have any less than he would have if I hadn't borrowed if that makes sense?

I've felt horrid doing it as my job as a parent is to provide but I'm also currently seeing my gp for anxiety and other health issues that habe appeared since DS2 and working would have made this worse.

OP posts:
IslingtonLou · 23/11/2017 08:02

I think your current system is convoluted, your son doesn’t need two savings accounts at 7. Just close one of the accounts, preferably the one with your mother on it OR remove her as a trustee

ScaryVeg · 23/11/2017 08:03

Did she call you a thief though, or a thief ‘essentially’? It’s your son’s money - leave it alone.
Lol at ‘you should remove your Mum from the account because you can’t trust someone who calls you a thief’. Some good mental gymnastics going on on here. It’s not the OPs Mum who’s been helping herself to the account.

Original poster
sailorcherries · 23/11/2017 08:05

Islington he only has two because the initial one had a cap after £5000 of savings, when this was reached we needed to open another one. However this new one cannot be seen online and is in my sons name only. I can request statements and put money in.
They were opened a few years apart, which is why it's all different.

OP posts:
Original poster
sailorcherries · 23/11/2017 08:06

Scary she said she couldn't believe I was stealing from my son. Not an out and out thief.

And I'm not helping myself, the money has sat for years untouched.

OP posts:
chocatoo · 23/11/2017 08:12

I think you were entirely sensible to use the money...far better to do that than to borrow money. Presumably it was used to feed and support your children. Although my daughter has an account in her name, we have occasionally dipped into it for family things as most of the money in it is money that we have put in anyway!
Look at it this way: if you had instead saved £1500 of your salary in your name, and used money from DS1 savings to actually pay for things for DS1 whilst you were working, there would be no issue - it's just a case of which 'bucket' has been used for what. Personally, unless your 2 x DCs savings become out of kilter, I wouldn't feel a compulsion to pay it back.

RosyWelshcakes · 23/11/2017 08:13

OP, don’t beat yourself up about this and tell your mum it’s not up for discussion.

You did what you had to do at a difficult time financially. End of.

Pay the money back as and when you can, and if that means 50 pounds a month for a few years then so be it.

If you’re bringing your son up well he’ll completely understand if it comes to light when he’s older.

Give yourself a break and have a lovely Christmas with your familiy.

Ttbb · 23/11/2017 08:16

My mother would do this but she never asked and she never put it back. So long as you replace it it's ok.

Original poster
sailorcherries · 23/11/2017 08:17

Thank you everyone. When I go back to work I'll have moved up the pay scale and can pay back £100-£150 per month. It will be replaced before Christmas next year.

OP posts:
Slartybartfast · 23/11/2017 08:18

does he never want to spend the pocket money?

nocampinghere · 23/11/2017 08:22

how on earth has he amassed so much money?

if i was struggling i would certainly be using his "christmas money" to pay for kids' activities etc...

nocampinghere · 23/11/2017 08:23

Unless this money was from her, she doesn’t have a right to tell you what to do with it

this.
get the nosy cow off the account.

gingerclementine · 23/11/2017 08:24

You're neither a thief nor selfish. Set her straight. You intend to repay the money, which you will when you can. The loan of family money which is entrusted to you was a wise financial choice, meaning you avoided getting into debt or being super-stressed, both of which would have been far more damaging to a 7-year-old than having some money temporarily withdrawn from an account he has no access to, which will be replaced before he comes of age for it.

Don't think twice about it. Don't feel guilty. It was a wise, parctical, temporary decision. And many people in the generation above ours simply do not understand that it's impossible to exist on a low wage any more due to shockingly high housing costs. It doesn't affect them so they just don't get it.

Flouncer1 · 23/11/2017 08:24

You did the right thing. Get your mother out of your financial affairs asap.
I think you've done great providing any savings for your dc let alone the amount you have to date and them still very young.

WashBasketsAreUs · 23/11/2017 08:25

Don't worry about it. Which is better, no food/ fuel/ electric cut off and your son has loads of money in his account, or he can play with his toys/ watch tv/ eat some dinner and he's got a bit less in an account that he doesn't know about?
I've done it in the past. Kids still got their money at 18. Tell your mother to wind het neck in.

Willow2017 · 23/11/2017 08:28

Dont feel bad i had to do this when was left as a single parent so i could keep a roof over our heads. Money was all paid back once i was back on an even keel. If it makes you feel better the bank manager suggested it as he knew how i was struggling. Much cheaper than borrowing money or getting bad credit rating.

I also got a payment holiday from mortgage company which helped immensely if thats something that you might consider then paid interest only for a while. As long as i talked to them they were happy as i had never had problems paying it before.
Just dont leave yourself short paying back to much a month you will get there.
Congrats on baby.

TrojansAreSmegheads · 23/11/2017 08:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DivisionBelle · 23/11/2017 08:34

If my Dd looked after an account for her child I would trust her to do the best for her family.

It is fine to borrow and then replenish the account. What are you supposed to do? Let the child whose account it is starve and freeze?

Now that you are over 18 get your Mum off the account!

Raindancer411 · 23/11/2017 08:35

At least you are replacing it. I know someone that used their children’s saved money on things like school clothes and family days out, rather than for when the child is old enough.

Yes I know clothes and days out are for the child too, but shouldn’t us as parents be footing that bill... (btw the person has a good wage but spends all their money as well as their children’s)

Firesuit · 23/11/2017 08:35

I wonder if the OP is not in the UK? Otherwise the logical account type to have opened would have been a child trust fund or (more recently) a junior ISA. (It wouldn't have been possible to borrow money from those, but presumably the intention at the time of opening was not ever to do that.)

DivisionBelle · 23/11/2017 08:36

Her Mum isn’t a ‘trustee’, she is a signatory to the account. And was put there so that caring and responsible 17 yo OP could save for her own child.

trappedinsuburbia · 23/11/2017 08:37

You did exactly the right thing, try and remove her from the account.
If i'd been a person gifting this money to your ds I certainly wouldn't have any objections to it being used this way!

DivisionBelle · 23/11/2017 08:38

There are loads of savings accounts you can open for children but make withdrawals from.

berliozwooler · 23/11/2017 08:38

I used money my mum had put in their savings accounts, to spend on DDs when things were a bit tight. Mainly so they could carry on with their dancing and other sports. I told my mum what I was doing. "No problem - that's just the sort of thing it's there for" she replied.

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