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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think Friends With Benefits, is a bit tacky?

956 replies

brasty · 22/11/2017 17:46

Maybe I am? But this seems to be much more common amongst young people. It all just makes me feel a bit "disgusted of Tunbridge Wells".

OP posts:
smilethoyourheartisbreaking · 26/11/2017 18:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RoseWhiteTips · 26/11/2017 19:00

Riiiiight.

JacquesHammer · 26/11/2017 19:01

this is the 21st century...

Do apply that to your posts.

smilethoyourheartisbreaking · 26/11/2017 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sleeponeday · 26/11/2017 19:04

All these supporters of fwb how would you feel if you teenage dc were doing this?

I'd have no issue, as long as they were careful. I knew a lot of people who did at that age. I wasn't one, because I wasn't able to separate things out at that age, but I had friends it worked well for. They remain friends with the people they had this with, and it's a quarter century! Nobody was hurt by it. There were also awful situations where people hoped someone they slept with sometimes would fall for them but that was never a defined FWB situation, so I don't think it's relevant.

I just want my kids to be safe and to be responsible, physically and emotionally. If they are, then how they live is down to them. Why would I be judgemental on my own children?

Funnily enough when I was a teenager parents were having this conversation over sexuality. It's now sexual morality. Plus ca change.

birdsdestiny · 26/11/2017 19:19

I am a mother of boys and it does appear that the outrage about fwb is reserved solely for women. So if I was a mother of girls I would think marrying her first serious boyfriend was a disaster of epic proportions and would be much less worried if she had had a range of experiences should we say.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 26/11/2017 19:25

I want my dd to have consensual sex with partner/s of her choice who make her feel good emotionally and physically.women having sex with no expectations of long term relationship or marriage.

BiglyBadgers · 26/11/2017 19:29

The more I think about it the more I would much rather my dd was having a nice, safe, consenting fwb relationship in her late teens than committing herself to a full on relationship. She should be studying and living her life at that age, not engaging in the compromises and complexities of commitment. At least with a fwb I would know she wasn't sleeping with strangers and would still have free time and flexibility to get on with her life.

I ended up in a horrendous relationship in my late teens to early twenties. I felt obligated to make compromises and give up things I now regret because I bought into the idea that we were going to be together for ever and so I had to make it work. I would hate for dd to feel that way. Fun with no guilt or mess when it's time to walk away sounds perfect for the teenage years.

Voice0fReason · 26/11/2017 22:08

All these supporters of fwb how would you feel if you teenage dc were doing this?
Assuming the teenager was over the age of consent and doing this with full mutual consent, then I don't think their sex life is any of my business.
It's safer than casual sex so I really don't see what objection you would expect me to have.

It's very sad that some people on here seem to think that a woman can never be truly happy unless she is in a relationship with a man.
Not all women want children. Some have already had children. Many have no room in their lives for a relationship, but they still want sex.

NamasteNiki · 26/11/2017 22:14

It's very sad that some people on here seem to think that a woman can never be truly happy unless she is in a relationship with a man.

Exactly. Look at this gem of a thread below to illustrate just how wonderful some relationships are. But just think: you consider they are not being taken for granted as they're married but a fwb is.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3096562-DP-failing-to-organise-something-for-my-birthday-AIBU-just-need-to-rant?pg=1&order=

ConcreteUnderpants · 26/11/2017 22:21

I have just started my own fwb relationship, and so far it's fab!
I get what I want, he gets what he wants, we both enjoy it. Suits us both down to the ground!
I want sex but haven't got the time, energy or inclination for a 'proper' relationship. This way, I don't have to waste time away from the kids going out to pubs and doing mindless chit-chat in the hope of pulling, which to me is safer anyway.
Plus I'm with somebody who is getting to know what I like in bed and isn't going to steal my TV in the morning.
Really, what is the problem??!

birdsdestiny · 27/11/2017 06:36

Isnt going to steal my tv in the morning Grin

BitchQueen90 · 27/11/2017 09:10

Concrete Grin

I feel exactly the same. I don't want to waste my precious free time going on dates with men I might not even like. FWB knows what I like, is good company and cooks me breakfast in the morning before he fucks off home and I can carry on with my everyday life. Grin

AllThatJaz · 27/11/2017 12:07

@ConcreteUnderpants

I have just started my own fwb relationship, and so far it's fab!

Where did you get him? Ebay? Amazon? Confused

I have been reading this thread with interest over the last few days, and as someone who has never had - or wanted a FWB, I have to wonder what these women who claim they have one, do when their male shagging partner moves on. Do they advertise online for one (like on tinder or fuckbuddies.com,) or with a little card in the window of the newsagents? I mean, seriously, how do you find these FWB's?

I am actually amused to read the posts by the women with FWBs who describe the relationship as a fun loving arrangement, with a gorgeous handsome man who is their best friend/soulmate, who gets up and cooks breakfast for them, who they have long walks and long cosy chats in front of the fire with, and who 'fucks off home' when SHE wants them to go.

Yeah, cos THAT happens! Wink

Even if anyone on here actually does have a FWB, (and I seriously doubt many people claiming it do have one,) I bet an entire month's salary that their FWB does not describe them to their friends and acquaintances like the women on here are describing them!

I bet he says 'Yeah, I have got this bird on the side, she's a bit desperate, and a bit clingy, but if I fancy a blow-job, I just text her, and she's right there. I get out as fast as I can afterwards though; I don't wanna give her ideas that I want anything more than a fuck!'

The whole thread has been hilarious, with one poster after another describing their 'FWB' as their BFF and soulmate, and churning out lines that could have come from a rom-com or a cheesy chick-lit novel!

I know a few people have been rude (like dannitruth, calling people names,) but she was probably just pissed off with being ganged up on, by the gang of posters on here claiming they have a FWB and mocking people who don't have one, or want one.

This was in addition to them saying anyone who doesn't think it's a great idea must be JEALOUS, laughing and taking the piss out of 'prudes' who have never had a 'FWB,' and LOL-ing at each other's 'hilarious' posts, and patting each other on the back at how 'witty' and 'hilarious' they all are.

And the vile insults aimed at married women, calling them domestic slaves, stuck in dull, sexless marriages are disgusting, and really speak volumes about the people saying them. They are jealous and bitter, through and through.

I mean, no wonder a few posters have retaliated. Many of the posters who supposedly have FWBs, are hugely defensive and very rude, and the massive rants by @Graphista were hilarious. I have never seen anyone so angry and defensive in my life!

I know a few people make FWB set-ups work, but the reality is nothing like some posters are describing it on here. And you can rest assured (in most cases,) that the man in the FWB set-up probably doesn't feel the same about you, as you do about him - ('Oh he's my BFF, we have lovely long chats and lovely long walks and a grrrreat time together blah blah blah.') And as was said much earlier in the thread, yes someone WILL get emotionally attached, and it WILL be more likely to be the woman.

Thinkingofausername1 · 27/11/2017 12:20

I've never laughed so much until I read this thread. People's comments are so funny!! Not in a patronising way btw.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 27/11/2017 12:29

I meet a more than a few husbands who regard their wives as reasonable lays, cooks and cleaners you know, while the wife thinks of them as their devoted other half ... Just saying.

RoseWhiteTips · 27/11/2017 12:33

AllThatJaz

@ConcreteUnderpants

I have just started my own fwb relationship, and so far it's fab!

Where did you get him? Ebay? Amazon? confused

I have been reading this thread with interest over the last few days, and as someone who has never had - or wanted a FWB, I have to wonder what these women who claim they have one, do when their male shagging partner moves on. Do they advertise online for one (like on tinder or fuckbuddies.com,) or with a little card in the window of the newsagents? I mean, seriously, how do you find these FWB's?

I am actually amused to read the posts by the women with FWBs who describe the relationship as a fun loving arrangement, with a gorgeous handsome man who is their best friend/soulmate, who gets up and cooks breakfast for them, who they have long walks and long cosy chats in front of the fire with, and who 'fucks off home' when SHE wants them to go.

Yeah, cos THAT happens! wink

Even if anyone on here actually does have a FWB, (and I seriously doubt many people claiming it do have one,) I bet an entire month's salary that their FWB does not describe them to their friends and acquaintances like the women on here are describing them!

I bet he says 'Yeah, I have got this bird on the side, she's a bit desperate, and a bit clingy, but if I fancy a blow-job, I just text her, and she's right there. I get out as fast as I can afterwards though; I don't wanna give her ideas that I want anything more than a fuck!'

The whole thread has been hilarious, with one poster after another describing their 'FWB' as their BFF and soulmate, and churning out lines that could have come from a rom-com or a cheesy chick-lit novel!

I know a few people have been rude (like dannitruth, calling people names,) but she was probably just pissed off with being ganged up on, by the gang of posters on here claiming they have a FWB and mocking people who don't have one, or want one.

This was in addition to them saying anyone who doesn't think it's a great idea must be JEALOUS, laughing and taking the piss out of 'prudes' who have never had a 'FWB,' and LOL-ing at each other's 'hilarious' posts, and patting each other on the back at how 'witty' and 'hilarious' they all are.

And the vile insults aimed at married women, calling them domestic slaves, stuck in dull, sexless marriages are disgusting, and really speak volumes about the people saying them. They are jealous and bitter, through and through.

I mean, no wonder a few posters have retaliated. Many of the posters who supposedly have FWBs, are hugely defensive and very rude, and the massive rants by @Graphista were hilarious. I have never seen anyone so angry and defensive in my life!

I know a few people make FWB set-ups work, but the reality is nothing like some posters are describing it on here. And you can rest assured (in most cases,) that the man in the FWB set-up probably doesn't feel the same about you, as you do about him - ('Oh he's my BFF, we have lovely long chats and lovely long walks and a grrrreat time together blah blah blah.') And as was said much earlier in the thread, yes someone WILL get emotionally attached, and it WILL be more likely to be the woman.

Wow. Fabulous work! I think you have covered all the bases in your post.
I agree with each and every point.

Smile
Coconutspongexo · 27/11/2017 12:34

AllThatJaz

Ah another poster telling us what we feel, how strange.

RoseWhiteTips · 27/11/2017 12:36

I wonder if there are any of the amazingly handsome FWBs - male ones, obv! - who would like to offer their opinions on the women they have such an arrangement with...

Anyone?

Coconutspongexo · 27/11/2017 12:37

I bet he says 'Yeah, I have got this bird on the side, she's a bit desperate, and a bit clingy, but if I fancy a blow-job, I just text her, and she's right there. I get out as fast as I can afterwards though; I don't wanna give her ideas that I want anything more than a fuck!

The fact that you link the words desperate and clingy to women who want sex no strings attached says a lot about you.

I slept with my mate recently, he doesn’t want anything to do with me because he’s liked me for a long time (I wasn’t aware) but no don’t worry it’s the women who are being used.

Glad you got that rant off your chest though very unMN of me but 🙄

AllThatJaz · 27/11/2017 12:37

@YetanotherSpartacus

I meet a more than a few husbands who regard their wives as reasonable lays, cooks and cleaners you know, while the wife thinks of them as their devoted other half ... Just saying.

I seriously, seriously doubt that....

You keep kidding yourself that's true though.. IF it makes you feel better about yourself. Smile ,

And keep kidding yourself that a FWB 'set-up' is better than an actual relationship, and your FWB thinks you are his 'soulmate and BFF' and that you go for lots of lovely walks and have lovely long chats and giggles and cuddles, and YOU kick him out when YOU are done.

We all believe you LOL Grin

Just saying Wink

AllThatJaz · 27/11/2017 12:39

@Rosewhitetips Grin

RoseWhiteTips · 27/11/2017 12:44

It’s all a bit like the guys - especially the younger more attractive variety - who sleep around but want to marry a female who is not promiscuous.

Trinity66 · 27/11/2017 12:45

Meh each to their own I guess

YetAnotherSpartacus · 27/11/2017 12:46

Erm .... I don't have an FWB. I have a LATS LDR.

You seem very defensive. I think you may be kidding yourself.

You know where I've met most of those husbands? I've met them when I've been out alone (used to happen a lot when I travelled for work) and they have engaged me in conversation hoping for a shag. Sad but true.

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