Love is better than sex - for YOU maybe as we repeatedly have said NOT everyone is the same.
"People stating that those in monogamous relationships aren't as happy must never have been in a good one." None of us on the fwb side have said EVERY ltr is unhappy, we've not made blanket judgments but some of those posters on the ltr side have! Ltr are NOT for everyone. I see people in happy ltr but also people very unhappy in them but who stay largely because of societal expectations. I don't base my opinion JUST on mn either.
Regarding when/why fwb end its for a variety of reasons. My first got a fantastic promotion with work and it involved a move away, we have stayed friends and in touch, he has a new fwb too. He's not interested in ltr. 2nd also moved away but to take care of an elderly parent who needs full time care now. Again we're still in touch,they don't have another fwb at the moment as they're focused on their caring responsibilities.
To sum up what Jaques says, it seems to be a problem to some that it is possible to be single, happy AND have great sex, why?! We're not doing anything that affects anyone else, why are you so threatened by it?
Basically these posters are trying to say it's impossible to be happy and fulfilled without a man - how utterly dated and ridiculous.
Surferjet you REALLY need to rtft!
"but it definitely seems more of a man friendly arrangement." Why? Because only men can separate love and sex? Because women always fall in love with people they have sex with? Because women don't/aren't allowed to enjoy sex as much as men? Because women always want/need a ltr/commitment? Because it's shameful to have casual sex (but only for women)? These seem to be the main arguments proposed and they have all been refuted by myself and others on the thread.
Shockers and Olicity you're more than welcome in our camp.
"Also who think that women who just like sex in itself, outside the context of an exclusive romantic relationship, are deluding themselves." - worse - it makes us whores apparently!
"You see I couldn’t - I’d be really hurt. So it’s down to individuals & how they view sex & relationships." - do you see how you're contradicting yourself here? If you want a happy ltr great, but don't presume the same is true for others!
"actually it's the next best thing to what they really want." Again making assumptions, I am NOT YOU.
"Therefore if your fwb is sleeping with other women, you can reassure yourself that it was just a fwb arrangement and you haven't actually been emotionally hurt by it." I've never been jealous type and I'm still not, I've even introduced sex partners to other potential sex partners, and I sleep with others too. I can because I am not in a monogamous ltr. My choice.
"I don't need a partner to define myself or give my life meaning or worth." Same here, and I personally find it worrying there are some who can't cope AT ALL with being single BUT it's not my place to criticise them, though they seem fairly unhappy mostly. I have friends who've never been single for more than a few weeks. They seem to panic at the idea of being single.
I've had 2 ltr one was very happy but circumstances outside the relationship ended things, the other was my cheating ex husband, and as I've said before I have seen in my life and my circle a variety of situations so I don't think all men, all ltr are bad. It's just not what I want.
"Who would be threatened by it?! Most women could have casual sex if they wanted to, it's hardly difficult to come by." That's not the issue though is it? Certain posters anti fwb have said its scandalous, selfish, that women CAN'T Not become emotionally involved - which myself and others have argued is not true. WE are not saying you HAVE to have casual sex we're saying that it suits US. But certain posters are trying to say we SHOULDN'T Be having casual sex. Like it's any of their business!
I’d rather be on my own. - great - for YOU, again I (we) are NOT YOU. I won't make you have a fwb you don't TELL me I can't!
"I'd draw the conclusion that you are doing it to protect yourself emotionally?" So what if she is? How is that ANYBODY else's business?
"I'm guessing you don't live in London" just as class, how many children one has, where we live has NOTHING to do with it, what a bizarre comment! I've also lived and dated in London your comments are ridiculous!
SOME may be choosing it as a second best option - again so what? Nobody's business but theirs. I also wonder if - especially if you look at how we've been described on this thread - they're just saying that to avoid being called names
"You may feel like that, and that's fine. However, the vast majority of women do want to be in a relationship, especially if they want children, which most do." Wow 2 huge assumptions with no basis in fact! Taking NO account of upbringing and societal expectations.
"Single, childless women often don't feel settled and want to settle down so that they can have children." Where is your evidence for this? It's only VERY recently it's BEGUN to be socially acceptable in our society as a woman to NOT want children. I've several friends of this kind who've had repeated comments made about this, a few have simply lied and said they can't they got so fed up of the constant commentary and pressure. I once worked with a lady who was married but neither of them wanted children they would be in their 90's now, they'd been telling family and friends the same lie for decades.
Erm older women? I was 35 with my first fwb!
Seriously - to those that are vehemently anti OTHER PEOPLE doing this - why? What is your problem? It doesn't even affect you!