AIBU to think Friends With Benefits, is a bit tacky?

[brasty]

Maybe I am? But this seems to be much more common amongst young people. It all just makes me feel a bit "disgusted of Tunbridge Wells".

Of course it’s cheap and tacky but you’ll be dismissed as uncool and judgemental for saying so.

About as cheap and nasty and domestic slave wives thinking they're a cut above the rest in their crap marriages and boring sex with the same person.

I agree, FWB is tacky and disgusting. Especially since we are on mums net! Assuming that everyone on here has children, it's not civilised practise when you are trying to be a role model to your child and teaching them what a healthy monogamous relationship is.
The last poster highlights the problem of fwb by separating sex from companionship...you can't have it all, it's either love or it isn't and the rest will follow naturally without being promiscuous .

I am truly shocked at the pearl clutching on here. The last 4 comments are hysterical!

manic are you really suggesting prostitution is preferable to FWB?

Danitruth really not everyone on here is a Mum, and why should a mum’s sex life be any different?

It’s like the 60’s never happened!

I'm staggered at the attitudes, and the repulsive use of "tacky", best reserved for carpets in bathrooms than humans making a free choice about how to conduct their sex lives.

And what utter bollocks to define the pointlessness of FWB because of the possibility of affection being unequal. That never happens in any other relationship does it?

The internalised misogyny in this thread is very depressing.

Tried it.

It didn't work out.

My FWB is now about to become my husband and we have a baby.

Couldn't help but fall for him.

I suppose the benefit is that when we decided to have a relationship together I already knew that we were very compatible sexually

If two consenting adults want to have regular sex, without any other parts of a relationship, why the heck shouldn’t they?

To suggest it’s better to pay for sex with a stranger (who doesn’t really want sex with you, but needs money) is just weird.

Skarossinkplunger I respect the opinions of others so tend not to laugh at their opinions. I am also working on the assumption that mumsnet is a forum for parents and that most parents are interested in healthy relationships that create a good environment for their children...
Don't really understand the concept of free love when the kids are in the next bedroom and start asking questions?
Doesn't set the best example in my mind, or are we talking about going out to get laid and leaving the kids at home?
That's just where I'm coming from, I don't want my kids wondering "who is this weird guy who keeps coming to mum's bedroom then leaving", so that's why a mum's sexlife should be different from some teenage girl who's sleeping around.

Definately a lot of opinions here that account for the high incidence of break ups, divorce and fucked up relationship values that the next generation is struggling with.
Are we now normalising fwb and casual sex regardless of the peripheral effect it has on our children not to mention our own morals.
Let's just indulge in our impulsive sexual urges and conveniently separate that from emotional and romantic preferences - surely that's the fundamental cause of affairs.

Definately a lot of opinions here that account for the high incidence of break ups, divorce and fucked up relationship values that the next generation is struggling with.

By which I assume you mean those posters who can't fathom that some women have a different approach to sex, and don't feel duty bound to marry their fuckee?

I agree.

The internalised misogyny in this thread is very depressing.

I agree. It's as though some women are utterly furious that other women are able to separate sex and love.

Relationships rely on communication, compromise and a willingness to accept difference. All relationships. Friendships are relationships, and so are parent/child bonds. A prescriptive, judgemental and aggressive attitude is not one I regard, personally, as healthy at all, nor one that should be endured by children, let alone modelled to them. But then, we all have our own notions of the right way to live - don't we?

Definately a lot of opinions here that account for the high incidence of break ups, divorce and fucked up relationship values that the next generation is struggling with

How on earth do you equate FWB with divorce? I would imagine, though I have no stats, that FWB is a relatively niche sexual activity rather than the norm. Do you have better info?

squoosh I'm glad you agree. It is the kind of self indulgent attitude that is the failing of society - why settle for mediocrity when you can calculate and control to get what you want, when you want, regardless of the impact on others (i.e. spouse, children).

Oh Danitruth, maybe you just some need some really good sex in your life. Then you won't be so angry and judgemental. Why settle for mediocrity?

Definately a lot of opinions here that account for the high incidence of break ups, divorce and fucked up relationship values that the next generation is struggling with

You do know that divorce rates are falling, right? At a 40 year low, in fact? So your entire point is utter nonsense?

I blame the Daily Mail. And the parlous state of the education system under Thatcher, of course.

Oh Danitruth, maybe you just some need some really good sex in your life.

Honestly, reading a lot of the comments below made me sad. The way they seemed to view sex as a transaction cost in getting a man to commit, and then to stay, instead of a joyous thing to be shared as equals. Just very, very sad.

Oh wow. Think I'm living on another planet. I am happily married with children, have a healthy sex life and have never been divorced... it seems I am in a minority here? haha.
As for addressing supposedly aggressive, judgemental comments with ermm aggression and sharp judgements in kind, that can hardly be taken seriously.
Also I haven't prepared any statistical documents but marriage rates have slowed.

Yes, perhaps you're living on the planet 1955. Your anger at people who make different lifestyle choices to you doesn't exactly indicate someone who's entirely happy with their lot in life.

Also I haven't prepared any statistical documents but marriage rates have slowed

So what? Can you attribute this to FWB relationships? If you go round making large statements that imply some factual basis rather than what's swilling round your head, then you will be challenged.

Assuming that everyone on here has children, it's not civilised practise when you are trying to be a role model to your child and teaching them what a healthy monogamous relationship is.

The amount of unhealthy relationships I see on here daily there’s a high percentage of women here staying in shitty monogamous relationships, there’s also women in here who are married and are open about cheating.

Id rather have a friends with benefit then bring my child up around those relationships, if I wanted to be in a shitty relationship I could but I don’t want to be in a relationship ever again.

Some of you need to come down off your high horse because you’re married, it’s actually not that fucking hard to get married. You’re not better than anyone single because of a piece of paper and a ring infact you all probably moan more ffs.

Also women enjoy sex, women can have sex without forming an emotional attachment to the person as can men.

FWB no one is being used, if I had one I certainly wouldn’t be being used because: I DON’T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, I do infact still WANT sex. It’s not everyone’s goal In life to find a partner.

This is interesting. I have been married for 17 years. I am now seperated. I have never felt the fwb was tacky or being used. I have never thought it would have been for me as i get too emotionally involved. I didnt have ons before marriage either.

Now i am seperated i still dont think its for me. A good friend has offered me a fwb set up. He is attractive and makes me laugh. I like spending time with him. However he hss some traits I am determind to avoid in any future ltr. I am so nervous about having sex with someone new, fwb with someone i get on with and trust feels like a good way to get over that fear.

On the other hand i still think i will get too emotionally involved, overlook the traits i wanted to avoid and end up in a relationship with someone who isnt right for me.

So i wont be pursuing it and have told him that. We are still friends and he is ok with it.

Tbh it sounds like ops relationship would be classef as fwb by lots of people (me included) but some people wouldnt interpret it that way. I think the Ops issue just comes down to perception. What she calls a relationship, some people call fwb.

So whats the issue? I cant help wonder if the op objects to the phrase 'fwb' because she knows thats what some people would class ger relationship as, but it meant more to her.

People should be able to do what they want and classify their connection to someone else, in anyway they want. If some people want to call it 'fwb' thats fine. If someone people want to call it a 'casual relationship', thats fine too.

The main thing is that both people involved are on the same page. Yes fwb can go wrong. So do marriages, realtionships, friendships, etc.

@Dippingmytoesin i love your post.

Everyone here does not have children.