AIBU to be annoyed with manipulative PILs?

[ginghamstarfish]

PILs live a 2 hour drive away (horrible dangerous drive especially in bad weather, very rural/hilly on tiny narrow roads). They are fit and active, wealthy, (eg just flew first class on longhaul hols). FIL had a minor day surgery procedure booked for this week, and would not be able to drive himself home after it, and MIL does not drive. No shortage of taxi firms in their town, they have many friends there etc, but they manipulated my DH into taking 2 days off work and acting as an unpaid taxi service. As they know full well, it took only 'oh, don't know what we'll do ...' etc for him to feel he had to offer. Yes, his decision but that's the way he is and we all know it (and shouldn't take advantage of his kind nature). I said he should tell them about Red Cross transport if they don't want to pay for taxis, as I have used for many hospital appointments when I could not drive after recent surgery. This prompted 'why do you hate my parents' etc so I can't say anything about it now without coming across as a cold-hearted evil cow. But I'm annoyed! Visiting someone who's ill, yes of course, that's a different matter entirely, but this is literally just going there as a chauffeur - 2 hours to get there the day before - they insisted he arrive for lunchtime, (and very early hospital appt next morning), 1 hour each way to hospital, back to the house to wait with MIL, 1 hour each way back to hospital to collect FIL, then he will drive 2 hours home tonight in the dark (on the 'death road' as I think of it) as he can't have another day off, and will arrive back completely knackered. I might be coming across here as unsympathetic but it's really bugged me as it seems so selfish and demanding. Perhaps I should ask them to come here and drive me to my next hospital appointment?

Wouldn't you have wanted to do the same for your parents?

Sure, but if you lived a reasonable distance away, work full time and they are not elderly, infirm or badly off then it isn't unreasonable for them to sort themselves out. We live five minutes away from PIL and they have required several visits to hospital for more serious issues than minor surgery and while we were on hand if required, they have always managed to be independent- they are also older than the OP's PIL.

When my dad had a heart attack I changed my arrangements as quickly as possible, drove for three to four hours to get to my mum and stayed with her and we went to hospital to see him every day until he was discharged. But the OP's example is nothing like this!

I think it's the fact that they didn't outright ask the DH if he could take them, but instead just said they didn't know what to do. That's blatantly manipulative in my eyes.

They could have said "We really hate to ask, and completely understand if you can't do it, but would really appreciate it if you could take us".

This thread is hilarious. People are talking like the OP’s FIL is gonna be carted out the hospital in a wheelbarrow, chucked into a ditch and have “FIND YOUR OWN WAY HOME” screamed at him. Most day surgery is a glorified GP appointment, not even close to an emergency

It’s not asking them for the help that’s the problem, it’s the way that they don’t take the OP’s DH’s work, convenience etc into consideration, they’re using him as a taxi service for something that’s easy to organise themselves.

I also don’t like this blond “family help each other no matter what” nonsense, it only serves to make way for unreasonable requests and demands with no effort to actually be a nice person.

*blind

DH wants to

His family wants him to

Op has no good reason why he shouldn't - he's not missing anything at home, he's doesn't need to save his annual leave for the school holidays, he offered her the same comfort / treatment when she was in hospital

Op is being massively unreasonable

I decide what my relationship is with my parents and unless it financially emotionally or practically impacts on my partner it's nothing to do with them

I drove an hour to my Mum and then take her to have her cataract done at a hospital another hour away. Then a 2 hour drive back to mine leaving her there. Then brought her back to mine the next day to look after her. I did this twice plus all her cardiac appointments. I wish she was still around to do it, but now my sons took me when I broke my arm. It's what families do

I would and have done the same for my parents. And if DH needed or wanted to do it for his parents, I would never begrudge that (and I don’t even like my PIL that much but you have to remember DH is their son). You do sound like you hate your PIL.

What's it got to do with you?