To wonder how SAHM/Home makers keep their shit together?

[Emlou07]

Now I know I probably am being unreasonable, as I know I’m very lucky to be in a position where I am able to be at home with my children while my other half works. But 4 years in and I STILL haven’t worked out how to keep the kids happy, the house tidy, the washing done and everything else in order!

I am no domestic goddess and I’m starting to wonder if those who do it effortlessly are in to black magic or something! 🤔

[Emlou07]

I didn't want to boast. But seeing as I'm making a couple cringe..

I feel 'lucky' because my OH earns enough to pay all the bills, 2 cars, an 'allowance' to me which is completely disposable, because he wants to, not because he has to.

I feel 'lucky' that I don't have to go to work to make ends meet. That I get to stay and be with my children all day because I'm able to.

I feel 'lucky' because I have a lot of friends who are really struggling and having to send their kids to a child minder or nursery earlier than they'd like to.

By no means am I saying that having to work makes you unlucky. Some people have to, some people want to. I just feel 'blessed' (puke) that I can do as I please and not have to worry...

Now I'll probably get jumped on for that too 🙄

[Evelynismyspyname]

Emlou it's having the choice that makes you lucky I'd say.

Lots of people don't have a real choice. That goes both ways - some can't afford not to work, some couples or single parents can't realistically afford childcare if both parents work because the lower earner earns less after tax than child care plus travel costs, even taking the net gain/ loss of any tax benefits etc into account.

The lack of choice in both directions isn't always within the parents' control due to unforeseen circumstances cropping up, or basic ability levels/ background etc

[Crumbs1]

Thinking back.
I told my husband I was giving up full time work to look after the children and not to be an overqualified housemaid. If he wanted the same levels of cleanliness he either had to pay for a cleaner or do it himself after work.
I made sure we were out a lot. Fairly structured days with school runs, tumble tots, swimming, toddler groups, library story time, NCT coffee mornings, park etc. Less time in house definitely meant less mess.
I can’t abide clutter so tend to avoid piles of plastic tat. They had toys in the playroom, of course but it was limited and contained. Likewise the number of clothes and equipment they had was limited.
Laundry was continuous and still is. Nobody walks past the utility without swapping washing around. No drying of clothes around the house. I dislike the place looking like a Chinese laundry. It hangs in utility, is tumble dried or goes on the line. Then minimise ironing so there isn’t a mountain sitting somewhere. Clean clothes get put away not piled up.
A shoe box. A coat cupboard with a door. Hide the stuff that makes a place look untidy.
Fresh flowers take the eye away from dust.
Great big plastic storage boxes for little bits and pieces toys - Lego, playmobil, sylvanian families and Knex type things.
No baby bath, no Moses basket, no lots of baby clutter generally.
Put the children in the garden most of the time they are home.

[MrBloomsLeftVeg]

I have a cleaner once a week. Worth every penny

[OlennasWimple]

I think you have to decide whether you prefer to do little stuff all the time and stay on top of the mess that way, or you prefer to let it build up and then have a blitz on a regular basis.

Both approaches have their pros and cons (I get worn down by the permanently doing stuff approach, but it means that my house is rarely decent for unexpected visitors unless they come just after my daily blitz, for example)

[Parisa78]

Emlou - the only way around it is to have a cleaner. I've been a SAHM for 14 years to 4 DC (eldest now 14) and always had one. Our cleaner comes for 5 hours on Tue and the same in Fri. The house never feels grimy and having a cleaner forces you to tidy up more than you would as well. All I do these days is general everyday tidy up, change beds weekly and laundry. I take DH's shirts in to be steam pressed weekly. That's it.
I know young kids make constant mess but it does help to get all areas hoovered and dusted, plus bathrooms cleaned. You have more energy then for the toys everywhere and the rest of it.

[thenewaveragebear1983]

Not many people who stay at home can afford £90-100 a week for a cleaner though! I know we can't, or rather can't justify that money.

[Emlou07]

Those with a cleaner, what do they do? Other than a deep clean of the kitchen and bathroom, and a hoover I’m not sure it would be worth it. We have wooden floors downstairs and half wood half carpet on the stairs. I already have a indie cleaner. Could really do with a gardener though 😂

[Emlou07]

Window even..

[Parisa78]

Well the cleaner can keep on top of dust! I always make sure the house is tidy so she can just get in with it. Clean under the sofa cushions, under furniture, whatever. When you have small kids it's hard to get round to anything more than the basics, so it's well worth it.
Some people ask their cleaners to change all the beds weekly. It's whatever suits you really.

[Chocolaterainbows]

Emlou07

I didn't want to boast. But seeing as I'm making a couple cringe..

I feel 'lucky' because my OH earns enough to pay all the bills, 2 cars, an 'allowance' to me which is completely disposable, because he wants to, not because he has to.

An allowance. How independent of you

[Emlou07]

@chocolaterainbows

How very patronising of you 😂

I have given no other information into my financial situation. I have my own savings, in my on account which is my own money, that I saved myself from when I was working. The ‘allowance’ he moves over to me is for anything I want to do with the kids, things for the house, whatever isn’t a necessity. My money is saved for myself. Just like he has his savings and we have a joint account of savings 🤔

How does that make me dependant?

[Emlou07]

Just to add - It was his idea to move money over to me as I currently have no income. Besides child benefit I receive nothing. I offered to get a part time weekend job which he said wasn’t needed. So rather than eating away at the savings until I go back to work, this was his solution.

[Parisa78]

Emlou - why don't you just have all joint accounts in the first place? He doesn't need to transfer anything surely?

[PersisFord]

I could have written this. I’m doing it for a year and I HATE it. Utterly relentless. This week I have been so tired and sad I have done the actual bare minimum. There is washing in the machine that I haven’t hung out, it’s been there for 2 days. I put the kids to bed an hour early as I just couldn’t cope any more. Christmas feels like the final straw.

I miss work so much....

[Chocolaterainbows]

Your previous post was cringe worthy. Not everyone is as 'lucky' as you and doesn't need their noses rubbed in it that you don't have to work. I don't have to work either, but take pride in the fact that I do Aswell as taking care of my children and home. I don't need to get my shit together.

[DeleteOrDecay]

Ffs chocolate is there any need to be so nasty?

[Emlou07]

@chocolaterqinbows

Exactly why I didn’t state it in the first place! 🙄

I’m please you don’t need to get your shit together. Thanks for your helpful input...

[Emlou07]

PersisFord

Hugs. Being a SAHM is more emotionally draining than I could have ever thought possible x

[Mrsfrumble]

Why can't people resist behaving like dicks on threads like this?

[Emlou07]

@mrsfrumble

Either jealousy or bitterness. I genuinely can’t see another reason why! There is no need. I asked a simple question for advice 🙄

[rubberducker]

I am not a natural domestic but have been at home for 3 years now with 3 Dc, 7,5 and 1.

I just recently started following the organised mum and, while I don’t necessarily agree with all of her ideas, her method of cleaning/tidying is working wonders on my house. The idea is that there are tier 1 jobs that you do every day - put a load of washing on, sweep/hoover your main traffic areas, wipe around bathroom. That kind of thing. Then each day you spend 30 mins in a specific room/rooms, so Monday is living room, Tuesday bedrooms etc. For me, it’s more the mind set of ‘it’s only 30 mins’ has really motivated me to get it done, usually while the baby is napping.

I’ve also tried to be more aware of never going up/down the stairs empty handed and have had a pretty brutal toy cull so there is less stuff for the kids to make a mess with!

[DeleteOrDecay]

It’s either sour grapes or a superiority complex - some people just can’t resist putting sahm’s in their place. Very tiresome.

[LambMadras]

Emlou just ignore the nasty comments. Just people being bitter.

I am a SAHM and my husband gives me an allowance every month for nice things too. He pays the bills, pays himself the same allowance and anything left is saved. Nothing wrong with that.

I have a 3.5 year old and a 2 year old. I have a cleaner and I rely on the kids having a bit of telly while I cook them dinner. I tidy up toys at the end of the day and I tidy the kitchen after each meal. Apart from that I tend to let it all fall apart a bit. The washing gets done when no one has any clean clothes. DH does his own ironing. I meal plan and shop twice a week. It’s busy but I make sure I get evenings to chill out before bed.

[Mamabear4180]

Emlou ignore them, it's ok to be happy and it's ok to feel lucky. Also you don't need to justify your finances to anyone who makes a dig at you.