To wonder how SAHM/Home makers keep their shit together?

[Emlou07]

Now I know I probably am being unreasonable, as I know I’m very lucky to be in a position where I am able to be at home with my children while my other half works. But 4 years in and I STILL haven’t worked out how to keep the kids happy, the house tidy, the washing done and everything else in order!

I am no domestic goddess and I’m starting to wonder if those who do it effortlessly are in to black magic or something! 🤔

[Raver84]

I've 2 at school and 2 at home. Wash on every morn. Wipe kitChen down afer. Each meal. Dishwasher 2 times a day. I play all morning then at lunch toddler ipad baby naps and I do an hour of house work. Wipe doen bathrooms each day when I'm in there before a shower. Once they are in bed kitchen again, fold laundry and usually another job like ironing

[JaneEyre70]

My youngest is 19 and I still haven't cracked it . Between young adult DDs, dogs and grandkids the house looks no different to what it did 20 years ago. I do try but it's like fighting the tide.

[CustardDoughnutsRule]

There's an element that your standards rise when you're in more, I think. My house has never been as clean, before or since, as the years I was on mat leave and actually had time to care whether the kitchen floor was clean. I think wanting to feel productive is part of it too. If I get some key delliverables out at work then I can come home and feel I've achieved something even if I haven't done any housework.

Compartmentalise it as PPs have suggested. Tidy up time before or after each meal. An hour slot once or twice a week when you blitz through a short checklist of weeekly tasks (look up Flylady home blessing hour) and to hell with the rest. Walls really don't need to be dusted. (Our bedroom really does, but I'll get round to that one year.)

[GrouchyKiwi]

I don't at the moment and I'm almost OK with that. (PND, anxiety & medication = no energy.)

When I did there was a routine, I did little jobs while the children were occupied drawing or playing with playdough, and I'd put a film on for them while I vacuumed the house or whatever.

[MayFayner]

Ugh, I don't know. I spend a large proportion of my day cleaning but there's always more to do.

I've been at home over 3 years now with the DSs and it's hard work, unrelenting. I am doing stuff from wake-up (7ish) until 10 or 11 every night. Because of that I try to take a break during the day if possible (like now- they're both napping), but I always feel I should be hoovering or something.

I also have an older DD (16) and I worked full time when she was little (and was a lone parent) so I know what that's like too. I used to hate waking up on a Saturday morning and realising how much housework and laundry I had to do. I was really stupid- this time round when I go back to work I'll be getting a cleaner, no question!

[megletthesecond]

Trust me. My kids can make a huge mess before school and afterwards. Being out of the house all day doesn't minimise mess, it just means I have less time to tidy it up.

I've just had 3 weeks off work post op and my house is nearly tidy for the first time in 8yrs (since mat leave).

[ohdo]

Oh, I wipe down the bathroom whilst DC are in the bath. Bath times are boring as fuck, I may as well be productive

I also leave cleaning products around the house e.g. bottle of bleach / pack of cleaning wipes in each bathroom so I don’t have the excuse of being too lazy to go back downstairs. (Yes I am aware that bleach ownership and having cleaning products on ‘display’ in a bathroom are cardinal MN sins for which I shall be struck down. Note they are all stored in a NAICE John Lewis storage basket thing and do not own a toilet brush)

[Herja]

I do everything at night. I am very tired.

[Mustang27]

Black magic for sure.

[OneMoreTune]

It’s a matter of putting a lot of physical effort in (always taking something up or downstairs, tidying as you go etc) and not sit down as much as you did or other people might during the day or in the evening.

No secret. You just have to be busier, like, all the time. Having a “day off” the constant effort doesn’t happen, or if it does you have double the shit to sort out the next day.

[Vik1ng]

Thank you thank you thank you for posting this! I’ve been SAHM for a few months and feel like crying every day because I can’t seem to get anything done except the absolute minimum to ensure we are all fed, watered and have clean clothes! House is a pigsty and I am exhausted!! X

[DumbledoresPensieve]

Is your child very young @Vik1ng? If so I was the same when my DS was a baby. It's only once he got past age 1 (and it got far easier post 18 months) that I've been able to keep on top of things again. It does get easier, honestly. Once they can entertain themselves a bit or join in - my DS always has his own duster that he runs around with to copy me) it's much easier to build a little routine.

I suspect it gets easier anyway...until you have a second/third and have to negotiate school runs etc!

[morningconstitutional2017]

There's no magic formula but I'd suggest some sort of routine. Maybe try to do one household task each day, whether it's vacuuming downstairs or wash one day, iron the next. That way some things get done but you don't feel overwhelmed.
Accept that some things will get left - try to make sure that they're the less important jobs and don't beat yourself up about it.

[roomsonfire]

I hide in cafes

[Novemberblues]

do you have small dc with you op, because if you do you probably wont be able too, I had no time for any of that stuff with DD with me. Its only now she has gone to school I can actually, breathe, think and get stuff done. It was full time work - total non stop mental engagement - and NO lunch break!

I am in recovery right now and in a few weeks will look for work.

[hellofresh]

It's easy once the kids are at school, as you have 5 days a week when they are out of the house to do the housework. You'd need an enormous house and acres of land for that not to be enough.

With little ones you have to keep on top of it on a daily basis, so clean one room at a time, tidy toys away every day, batch cook etc. Dcs can help. I cleaned a couple of bathrooms yesterday while my 2 yo 'dusted' the bedroom. I cleaned the kitchen while they were watching cbeebies.

Less time on MN also helps

[DeleteOrDecay]

I actually found it got harder as my dc got older. I have a 2yo who is like a tornado, once she became mobile it was game over. She’s into everything. Guess it depends on the type of baby/toddler you end up with.

[Lovelylovelyladies]

When all the DCs have started school I am so taking a year off to sleep.
Judge away... I can't bloody wait to feel normal again. Might even get some clothes that don't have holes in them!

[QuackingHell]

SAHM to 2 under 2 here. Cleaner once a week (forces me to put everything away and they do in 2 hours more than I manage in a week) wash load every day, tidy up/ hoover after breakfast every day. Don’t come downstairs until everyone is dressed. Dishwasher filled every night and set off before bed. Also make sure kitchen is clear every night before bed. I have a big felt basket that I chuck toys that have been got out of the cupboard but aren’t being played with all day. I put them away at bedtime. Much quicker than constantly tidying but has the same effect on what a room looks like. I only iron stuff that absolutely has to be ironed (DH work shirts/suit trousers and a few of my tops). And we are generally ruthless about getting rid of unused stuff and clutter. Makes a real difference!

[ginandtonic324]

I think that's life. Some people think that just because one of a couple stays at home doing the childcare and housework, it will all work wonderfully for everyone. Well, no. Staying at home looking after children and the house is even harder physically and emotionally than going to work.

It's the emotional side of things that can get on top of the SAH parent, and that's why many people decide to go back to work, at least part time.

Accepting that staying at home is no paradise is the first step to deal with it. There's a lot of emphasis on paid work outside the house as this was the only way people are valuable to society whereas the reality is that a lot of people are just sitting in offices forwarding emails to each other whereas the ones doing the real work are those who care of others, either children or the elderly.

Just take it easy, OP, give yourself a break whenever you can, and most importantly make time to spoil yourself a bit. I bet you are doing a great job, you just need more people in our society to see it and appreciate it.

[QuackingHell]

Oh and my DH cooks our evening meal!

[MrTrebus]

@weekfour

Dirty little mingers I properly laughed at loud at that!

[MrTrebus]

@happy2bhomely

Great tips there I'm going to use them!

[itsgoodtobehome]

After my morning wee I clean the toilet.
After I brush my teeth I wipe the sink.
As I come downstairs I bring laundry.
As I wait for the kettle to boil I unload the dishwasher.
I put a wash on and hang it out as soon as it stops.
I unload the dishwasher as soon as it beeps.
Every time I go up or down the stairs I take something with me.
I make a cup of tea every night at 9. As the kettle boils I load the dishwasher, clear the sink and wipe the sides. I race to beat the kettle!
I sweep the kitchen almost every time I pass through.
I put toys back in the box every time I pass through.
I 'reset' the downstairs before I go up at night.
I clean the toilet after my bedtime wee.
I clean the sink after I brush my teeth at night.
It is constant. A series of tiny routines. If something comes up to throw you off routine, just pick right back up and carry on

Sorry - this really isn't a dig at SAHM vs. working mums, but I was a little bit at this list. Isn't this just a list of what every parent does regardless of whether they are at home all day or working? I'm not really sure what the big deal is here?

[ginandtonic324]

Ah, and the cafe advice is really spot on! I survived the DC's early years and "houseboundness" by making sure I had a coffee out nearly every day. Out of sight, out of mind, as the saying goes :)