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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not send DD to the same school as DS?

123 replies

tartanfleece · 21/11/2017 18:55

Sorry if this sounds like boasting ... it really isn't, or not intentionally. DS is very, very clever. His dad is very clever so I suppose it's been picked up in the gene pool.

At any rate, DD is a perfectly bright little girl, but far more 'average' (note: I don't see this as a bad thing.)

However, I can't help but feel that if she attends the same school her brother did comparisons may inevitably be made and I'm not sure these are going to be completely fair comparisons. DD also isn't as well behaved although she might be different at school.

But at any rate WIBU to send her somewhere where she has a completely fresh slate? She should be starting school next september.

OP posts:
Original poster
tartanfleece · 21/11/2017 19:27

Since the age gap means I don't have to worry about school runs or anything, I'm wondering if it would be nice just to give DD a fresh start if you like. That's all. :)

OP posts:
LittleMousewithcloggson · 21/11/2017 19:27

Same with me and my brother. Constantly had - oh you are Xs sister, you must be good at sports like he is (swam for county, national football squad etc etc) I'm not at all sporty and teachers were noticeably disappointed.
However I was more academic so I had my own strengths.
Teachers are used to kids in families being different. Why not talk it through with the Head first?

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 21/11/2017 19:27

Hadn't read the age gap erm very unlikely even if the teachers taught her big brother their unlikely to remember how he behaved

Original poster
tartanfleece · 21/11/2017 19:28

They shouldn't, Kindergarten, but sometimes they do, it does happen.

OP posts:
LipstickHandbagCoffee · 21/11/2017 19:29

Fresh start from what?the sibling she lives with,eats with,shares parents with
I really can’t fathom what you’re fretting about,this is a non problem

Plainlycrackers · 21/11/2017 19:29

Meh... DD was slower to start than DS and then completely outstripped him... no indication of her abilities at 3 please don’t write her off at 3! All kids develop at different rates... if you had been talking secondary then you would have a better idea but she is still a toddler now! Also the logistics of kids at 2 different primary schools will be interesting... I have witnessed friends struggle with this.

Middleoftheroad · 21/11/2017 19:29

FGS - she's three!!!!!!

MyDcAreMarvel · 21/11/2017 19:29

I doubt the teachers care tbh, you are really over thinking it.

Original poster
tartanfleece · 21/11/2017 19:30

I'm not writing her off. Just acknowledging that she's a different person from her brother.

OP posts:
Catalufa · 21/11/2017 19:31

My DS is very bright; DD is two years younger than him and quite bright but nothing special. They’re at the same primary and it hasn’t been an issue at all - until this year (year 5) when her teacher has mentioned how clever her brother is several times (to the whole class, not just her). We had to ask her not to do it again at parents evening! Hmm

Anyway, that aside, basically it hasn’t been a problem.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 21/11/2017 19:32

She’s 3yo and you're making provisions based on her expected averageness
Really can you not see this is odd?

Original poster
tartanfleece · 21/11/2017 19:35

I'm not making provisions. I don't think there's anything wrong with being average; in fact, it has a lot going for it. She is bright and alert but she is meeting all the average expectations for a child of this age. DS on the other hand, wasn't, isn't.

I feel that by attending the same school he went to - which is a very small primary - she may be "DS's sister" and I'd rather she was just "DD", if that makes sense. Since because of the age gap this is something I can do, I was wondering if it made sense for all sorts of reasons.

OP posts:
BurnTheBlackSuit · 21/11/2017 19:37

If there is another just-as-good primary near you, then go for it. She will have a new start. Don't give her advantages or disadvantages he didn't have, but give her what suits her best.

RidingWindhorses · 21/11/2017 19:38

She's 3. I thought you were talking about secondary school.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 21/11/2017 19:38

You are making provisions you're anticipating her need to attend another school,as her brother is clever
In your mind you’re anticipating her being less favourably compared to her brother

RedSkyAtNight · 21/11/2017 19:38

Is DS still in primary school? If so, won't DD like to be in the same school as him?

I think you are overthinking. Before DD started Reception, a TA said something along the lines of "Of course DS used to be in my class, so I already feel I know her". 2 weeks later she collared me in the playground to say "they are very different children, aren't they?" ... and that was the beginning and end of any comparison between them.

Even at secondary, will teachers even realise? DD's just started Y7,and none of her teachers have a clue that she has a brother in school (except the ones she's told).

Slowtrain2dawn · 21/11/2017 19:40

I have three children. At 3 I could not have predicted their future academic performance. Choose the school that is best for her now and ease of travel, family routine etc. Don’t base the school choice on a fear she MIGHT be treated differently IF she isn’t as academically successful as her brother ( who won’t even be at the school).

BrieAndChilli · 21/11/2017 19:41

I assume you picked this School as you thought it was the best School that you were likely to get a place in? If so then you may make it seem like DS was ‘good’ enough for this brilliant School but DD has to go to a different school as she wasn’t?
The above does depend on how you got the place/why you chose it. Just another slant to think about.
There’s only 1 school year difference between my older 2 and it’s never been a problem and DD has the teachers the year after DS1 so his talent is fresh in thier memory but DD is her own person with her own talents and personality and her teachers never compare her to him to me, just what a lovely helpful bright girl she is.

Quartz2208 · 21/11/2017 19:41

Surely you would be highlighting the very thing you wanted to avoid by sending her to a different school

Original poster
tartanfleece · 21/11/2017 19:42

DS will be leaving primary as DD is starting.

Burn, that was sort of my thinking ... it just gives her a clean slate. I could be overthinking it, I know, but there is something appealing in that if she goes to a new primary school they won't know me, DS, anybody, she'll just be a little girl.

OP posts:
Original poster
tartanfleece · 21/11/2017 19:43

Not really Brie, it was more based on location. Schools are much of a muchness. Obviously I wouldn't want them to go somewhere bad, but one good school is much the same as another good school.

OP posts:
Feedmepringles · 21/11/2017 19:44

All of mine went to different secondary schools.one because it was a special school.and the others because we picked the best school to suit each child,that just happened by chance to be different schools.they have all done very well.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 21/11/2017 19:44

Is there a backstory?why would it matter if the school knows yiu and dd
Most parents think it’s advantageous when siblings attend school to know the ethos,routine etc

BewareOfDragons · 21/11/2017 19:45

Put her in a convenient, well run primary school, even if it's the same one her brother went to.

Frankly, with the way staff turnover works, she may see very few if any teachers who had her brother anyway!

Someoneasdumbasthis · 21/11/2017 19:45

You’re overthinking it. She’s three. Send her to the best primary for her. If DS has left by then what does it matter either way?

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