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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to get butt-hurt about pples reaction to my pregnancy ?!..

368 replies

Littlehouseonthepraririe · 21/11/2017 13:39

Am pregnant with my 6th! I want to share the good news on facebook, not with a fanfare or some obscure balloon riddled/ cryptic sign (tho I do enjoy other pples announcements like that)! But just with a standard f.b post as we have a lot of friends /fam all over the world (and mainly because I'm excited)!

However, when I shared the news of our 5th along with the congratulations I had a Lot of OMG ur mental/ mad etc comments.

Would I look weird if along with sharing the news I tagged on a little light hearted something like ' we know the Waltons life isn't for everyone and we might seem a bit bonkers, but we are really excited to introduce a new member to our clan'.. In the hope that it will ward off What's Wrong With You type comments ?!?

We have a large home for lots of children and my OH works from home so the children aren't lacking in time or space etc and they are always asking for more siblings, and this is the life I've Always wanted, so I don't really Get why pple would write comments like I had last time..
I mean I have lots of friends travelling in the back of beyond or moving up the corporate ladder , which personally is my idea of hell, but I am genuinely happy that they are happy and following their dreams, so obviously just write positive, congratulatory comments when they announce they've landed in a new country / got a promotion..
Am I being butt-hurty and overly sensitive unnecessarily , and would it look rude for me to write something jokey in an attempt to ward off the bat shit crazy comments..?

OP posts:
MuseumOfCurry · 22/11/2017 19:46

American here, I've never heard the term butt hurt before this thread. I had assumed the OP made it up. Perhaps it's a generational thing? I''m old.

Xabirak · 22/11/2017 19:52

First of all, congratulations!
Secondly, girl, you’re my hero, i can barey manage one...
And thirdly, put it on Faceboo, on Twitter or wherever you want to. People will aleays comment, sometimes not in the most gracefully way, so just ignore them.
If you have one, they will comment that why only one, if 6, that whay 6.
Do these people feed/clean/pay for any of your kids? No, right? So they can keep their opinions!!
Again, congratulations.
YANBU, YABB(you are being bullied...:-)

MuseumOfCurry · 22/11/2017 19:54

Museum - actually it also occurred to me, maybe a lot of outlets just won't make a programme about it?

I've a hunch that overpopulation and all its attendant issues (global warming, deforestation, rising sea levels/melting ice caps, antibiotic resistance, unpredictable weather patterns, less reliable water sources...) aren't that well-publicised to avoid public panic.

The big, glaring reason, of course, is that the status quo serves business interests, which in turn serves political interests.

atotalshambles · 22/11/2017 19:59

Congratulations :) Everyone has their own opinion - and the problem with Twitter and Facebook is that people can give you their opinion without looking at you which leads people to say things they wouldn't necessarily say to your face.

I think as humans we our time is going to be limited whatever happens - we aren't meant to live forever and humans are inherently selfish (I wonder how many of the posters telling you how selfish you are go on numerous overseas holidays, have more than 1 car etc..). I would agree that child benefit should be limited to a certain number of children however as while we should have the freedom to live our own lives we shouldn't expect someone else to pay for it. Good luck with your pregnancy OP

Unfinishedkitchen · 22/11/2017 20:02

@Xabarik, of course this choice to have six kids affects other people regardless of whether they pay her bills directly or not.

Think about the people in her town, some may not be able to get on the books of the local GP, dentist etc because her family will have taken up 8 places. A few local kids will have to go to schools further out because her kids have taken up six places. This choice does affect other people and I'm sorry but I don't believe the dad can earn enough to cover eight people whilst working from home and have the time to be an active dad unless his job is successful online gambling.

Nyx1 · 22/11/2017 20:02

Museum, I'm 41 but friends in their 50s use it. In fact, I think I heard it from them!

Re panic, no, I don't think it's to avoid public panic. I think it's partly for business and partly because people get so angry if you dare to suggest that big families are a problem. It's all "I have the right to do what I want". Of course they have that right, but when they become the person moaning that automation will kill jobs for their kids, or that the roads are very crowded, it's a bit mad. To be fair, the 2 big families I mentioned, I have never heard them say that.

btw slightly off topic but I've had people say to me "if you adopt, you don't know the medical history". Um, okay, but I have no guarantee of what a biological child might or might not have to suffer through either?

Batsh1tcrazy · 22/11/2017 20:17

Xabirak exactly! U cant win. When i had just the two I was asked will u try for a boy. I said no 2 is enough. Roll on 7 years I had a girl. No sooner had I pushed her out I told I had to try for a boy! Not a hope in hell was I having another! 15 months later boom I give birth to a girl and again got told surely you will have one more go for a boy 😂 am happy with girls 😂 and defo don't want any more, so opted to get sterilised, just waiting to be seen x

MuseumOfCurry · 22/11/2017 20:19

Good god can you two bore off to nethuns? xxx

Clarkie2020 · 22/11/2017 20:27

I would take it as a compliment. I have two boys and sometimes feel like juggling work and home is tricky. Having more isn't for me and it's great for you. But any OMG comment would be meant in "I'm amazed at you be able to cope as I don't think I can".

Lillylou22 · 22/11/2017 20:29

I’m a long time lurker on here but this struck me ! I’m from a big family (5 of us) and I love it but also remember the awful comments my mum got growing up.
On the flip side my eldest sister who has chosen not to have any children is forever victim to bull comments.
You will never please everyone in this world so don’t bother!
If you and your family are happy who else’s business really is it to comment. Share on fb if you wish but i would consider unfriending people rude enough to plaster negative opinions around. Arsey comments from the wider public are to be expected but not from so called friends, if they where mine they would be getting the boot Wink

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 22/11/2017 20:37

I'll second that, Museum... Exclamation marks and crying with laughter emojis by the bucketload always seem to be the hallmark of a post singularly lacking in wit.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 22/11/2017 20:40

I'll bet a pound to a penny that before people started sharing every tedious detail of their lives on Facebook, they got far less opinions on their doings from "everybody".
"Everybody" generally doesn't really give a toss, until it's rammed down their throat.

Lovingit81 · 22/11/2017 20:45

God there are some twatish responses on here! I can only assume the negative comments come from jealousy or stupidity. CONGRATULATIONS on your pregnancy OP Flowers wonderful news that you should shout to the world about. Six children sounds as beautiful as one and as amazing as twenty. Life is precious. X

aplaceinthesun · 22/11/2017 20:47

I have 5, 3 of which were born within 3.5 years. It was great and I was young I really enjoyed it. Lots of people used to see me out and about and comment "oooh you have your hands full" etc. It didn't really bother me, but now they are older and I am broken I have a strange visceral "oh god she must be mad" thought when I see a mum that was in my situation.

PurplePenguins · 22/11/2017 20:47

Butthurt I can't find anything to say it's homophobic x

PeiPeiPing · 22/11/2017 21:52

@lilybookins

Genuine question - why do you want six children? Do you have a mix of sexes or is it to have another try for a boy/girl? I know a few 'big' families - 4/5/6 and in one case seven and it has always smacked of 'showing off' a kind of 'look at us, aren't we fertile, we're just a mad, crazy family?'

I just don't get the need or want for six kids but maybe I'm missing something. I can tell you though that for the people out there who haven't been able to have a desperately wanted first (or second) child these sorts of families are rather annoying and in your face - I really wouldn't post anything, just privately email or text your far flung family members. But then I'm a person who wouldn't dream of posting an 'I'm pregnant' on social media and then bore everyone with 'bump watch' for months to come. Yuk.

Agree a bit with this.

DH has a cousin who has 3 kids, (aged 3, 5, and 9,) and she breastfed them all. She still breastfeeds her youngest 2. Now that in itself is a bit weird (IMO,) but what really fucks me right off is how she bangs on about it.

She posts pics of FB of her kids EVERY DAY, and at least 3 or 4 times a month, she posts pics of her breastfeeding her 3 year old and 5 year old simultaneously. With the about 10 hashtags! Confused #babies #babymamma #feedingtime #mychildrenmylife #milkycuddles #notforeveryone #natural #bestmamma #bestbabies

VOM VOM VOM! Angry

As for the having 6 kids... Doesn't bother me tbh. Even though it's a larger than average family, most people don't have that many, so I can't see the issue. Unless, of course, the family in question are reliant on benefits.

As someone said earlier, I don't know any family with more than 3 kids who claim no benefits; all big families seem to. And I do wonder if there was no such thing as state handouts, if people would have so many kids. In this day and age, the well educated, high earners, and middle classes, don't tend to have more than 2 children. 3 max. (and 3 is quite rare.)

I know about 10 people (over 35,) with 4 or more siblings, and all but 2 of them hated having a big family, as they felt like they were always competing for the parents attention, and they hardly had anything, and hardly went anywhere, and don't ever remember doing stuff with their parents (Like day trips, picnics, pop concerts etc...)

Many of them don't get on with all their siblings either, and in some cases, the oldest (female) child, becomes a second mommy because the mother of the 5, 6, or 7 children (or more,) cannot cope with all the drudgery and hard work that goes with having all those kids.

I know one woman (40 now,) who couldn't wait to leave home, because she had 4 younger brothers - 3, 5, 6, and 9 years younger than her. She had to wait on them hand and foot, til she left home at the age of 20, purely because she was the 'girl,' and it was expected for her to help her mother, and helping her mother included looking after the brothers.. And yeah, I have known this scenario often.

I know many 'only' children, and children with just one sibling who had a much better childhood than the ones with 3 or 4 (or more) siblings. They have better relationships with their parents, and they are more successful academically, and in their career.

Having more than 2 kids would not be for me. 2 is enough for anyone IMO, but as I said, it doesn't bother me when people have 4+. As the poster I have quoted said though, I don't 'get' why. There is really no need for it. I don't look down on people with lots of kids, I just don't 'get' it.

PMSL at the pearl clutchers who so enraged at the phrase 'butt-hurt!' It's a common phrase in younger people. (Under 40.) Get over yourselves!

YoloSwaggins · 22/11/2017 21:56

LOL I also can't believe people are offended at "butt-hurt", get over yourselves!

uokhunni · 22/11/2017 22:11

Unbelievable anyone could think having 6 kids is a great idea these days.
Plus why the big "announcement" on Fb? Like a PP said, nobody really cares that much bar judging your utter selfishness.

monstiebags · 22/11/2017 22:42

Can't you just tell the people who you know will be happy for you? Why do you need to boast I mean announce it on face book - oh and now mums net as well.

monstiebags · 22/11/2017 22:44

Ps hope I'm not paying for 'em

Blueink · 22/11/2017 22:52

It’s naive to not consider the impact of having 6 children on others, as if they just remain in your home environment and do not use any public services or resources outside of it. You can’t control other people’s reactions, some will consider you irresponsible given some of the wider issues.

caringcarer · 22/11/2017 22:56

Congratulations. Enjoy your pregnancy and new baby. Some peoples brains work slower than their mouth. Most of your friends will be thrilled for you, and if they make mean comments to you they are not your friends. You don't need to start off by defending your decision.

Springprim · 22/11/2017 23:19

Congratulations!

emmakc1977 · 22/11/2017 23:27

I wish I’d had 6 kids, would be lovely to have a huge family. I’m 40 now and she had snip so will stick at 3 - congrats x