When people read your message but don't reply

[mrssunshinexxx]

It's my absolute pet hate you know when you see th little blue ticks and no they have read it but choose not to reply. I know sometimes you don't always have time to reply but then hours... a day or 2 goes by and still nothing and you feel a pest for chasing it up?!

I'm terrible for this, although sometimes it's due to the three year old clearing the alert from my front screen by unlocking it. Part of the problem is I overthink the reply, end up taking so long trying to think of what to say that then I feel like too much time has passed to send it...

I work 12 hour shifts and might get chance to have a sneaky read of my messages but not always get chance to reply til hours and hours later when I finally get home and sit down with a brew to go through them all. This exact thing happened yesterday and all of my friends understand this. Nobody has ever had a problem with this. If people need me urgently they can call me

I wish I knew how to turn off the 'online' thing on messenger. My mum will say 'I saw you were online...' but I was ironing or something. I don't always look at my phone every five seconds, and ideally I'd like to spend even less time looking at it. How canI switch it off. I'm sure there used to be an option.

It's my absolute pet hate when people expect you to drop everything and reply to them immediately and get offended if you don't.
Sometimes people read texts and think they will reply when they get chance.. and then forget.
My phone is for MY convenience... not for people to demand responses from me as soon as they ask for them.

This annoys me when I'm waiting for a response to organise something but not if it's just chat. I recently offered someone I know something, and they took a week to respond - am in the middle of building work, and this item is large, so I've been having to move it all around the house waiting for their reply. It's a bit inconsiderate, as I've offered it to them for free and will even be delivering it to their house!

This is one of the things I hate about social media, mobile phones, and modern "instant gratification" needs - the demands on us to respond immediately to every last little thing.

It's why VERY few people have my mobile number and why I don't do messenger nor am I active on Facebook. If someone wants to contact me they can ring my landline or send an email. I'll respond to urgent things straight away - anything else can wait. Because I don't do texts or facebook messages etc., people tend not to bother contacting me with trivialities, so it's a kind of self-policing method of avoiding pointless messages.

All this expectation of instant contact is one of the downsides of modern communications - as with most things, it gets abused. We all have a right to our own down-time and to organise ourselves.

Put airplane mode on
Read message
Exit WhatsApp
Turn airplane mode off

And you’ve read your messages without giving them blue ticks.

You’re welcome

I don't even get worked up about it. If you need a quick response, put a time frame on it or call them. It's almost the same as when folk say
'oh such and such hasn't called me in ages' .

Well if it bothers you that much, you call them! Some folk must just sit around doing bugger all and think everyone else does the same.

I loathe those 'message read' indicators with a passion. It seems to me that they've been inserted into apps and social media platforms to engender compulsive use, rather than to make life 'easier' in some way. They've also made the concept of deliberately not reading a message a form of passive aggression in itself - especially if you've seen the message in a notification without opening the app or whatever. I think if you need a response you're better off talking in person or telephoning rather than subjecting yourself or others to this bizarre grey area of wondering.

I've a friend who texts me daily about nothing in particular. If I'm away visiting someone she'll text 'How's it going with XXX?' or 'How was the journey up?' or 'Went down to the beach with the dogs this morning. It was beautiful" (picture attached - various emojis added for interest). I love her and we're pretty close friends, and I used to respond as soon as I could, but really it's getting to be a chore now.
I often think I'll respond later when I have more headspace to form a reply that's a bit more than "Fine thanks" But then I forget.
She has commented on it, that she sees I've read it but in her eyes 'not bothered' to reply and that's not it at all. I just don't have my face in my phone the whole time - and if I answer there'll be yet another text almost immediately continuing the conversation.

On the other hand my dd, who works and lives miles away from me with her partner texts me almost daily as well. I do exactly the same thing with her, read it, wait for an opportune moment to make an interesting reply - then forget. I actually phoned her to apologise for not answering her text "What you up to today Mum?" that morning.

She said "Crikey, no need to apologise. I'd be really worried if you answered straight away. I'd think you were sitting by your phone all day just waiting for someone (me) to text!"

My dh rarely texts unless he's lost me in the town centre.
My sister, who I meet up with for the whole day on the last Wednesday of each month, rarely texts either. On the night before she might text "OK for tomorrow?" and I will reply "Yup" because that doesn't require any thinking about.
Some folks just prefer talking to texting. I wish there was an "I'll tell you about it when I see you" app.

This thread has just prompted me to reply to two messages I had waiting and hadn’t got round to...my friends won’t be offended. I’m on the side of the chill-the-fuck-out brigade. If someone ‘phased me out’ for not instantly replying to texts I’d probably be grateful though, we’re clearly not compatible!

My mobile phone is for my convenience only and not for everybody else's. I reply when I feel like it.

Generally sane people turn into stalking nightmares thanks to this.

My dad being the worst offender.

Very often sends messages that are basically just for info eg “busy traffic on the ring road you might want to avoid if you are near.” Now there is about a 1 in 50 chance I am doing anything that would require me to be near the ring road and chances are I’m in the middle of some child related activity or at work.

If I don’t respond the follow up message arrives a few minutes later “did you see my message? I saw you were online”. Then I have to stop what I am doing and spend a minute responding that yes I did see it and I was in the middle of something so I didn’t respond and no I am nowhere near it but thanks for the update.

Utter waste of time. Leaves both parties feeling annoyed. My dad thinks I am being rude. I think my dad is being ridiculously needy or attention seeking.

I though a blue tick just means that the message has been delivered?

Also just becasue it does that doesn't even mean it's been delivered. I often don't get messages that people have sent and we've tested it in the same room where thier message shoes as sent/delivered and it doesn't appear on my phone at all.

I understand. We have a friend we love dearly but she's so annoying.

Example of recent messenger conversation

Friend - hi both, thanks for dinner invite, would love to come xx

Me - brilliant, are you bringing DP?

(We always ask as he is a Paramedic with shifts etc, he's also a veggie so I wanted to know if he was coming so I could think about dinner)

No response but message read 2 mins after I sent.

No response for two days although posts were put on Fakebook

Me - Hiya, looking forward to seeing you on Friday. Is Al coming?, it would be lovely to see him (plus he and DH can talk football as we quaff wine ha ha xx).

Friend - read soon after, no response.

Arggggghhhhhh.

Eventually told the day before the dinner he wasn't coming.

All too often I've quickly replied yes to something and then realised it's inconvenient or I actually don't really want to go. I'm now trying not to reply straight away so I can decide whether it's something I want to do before committing myself. Better than letting people down I think.

It’s worse when they don’t even open it and you know they have been online

For goodness sake, you do realise some people have other stuff in their lives that sometimes takes precedence over answering texts and messages on social media, don't you?

Reasons you won't always get a reply from me immediately:

I might not have seen it yet. Unlike some, I don't keep my mobile data switched on permanently when I am out. It goes on as and when it's needed. This means that when I am in the middle of a shopping centre or having lunch with a friend I don't have the unnecessary intrusion or distraction of constant of pings every time someone comments on FB or I get an email.

If it's that important then ring me. I may or may not answer immediately though, if I am in the middle of something else, depending on whether it's likely to be urgent or not. If I suspect not I'll ring you back.

Sometimes I see a message but I'm just about to make an important call, go into a meeting, I'm working and don't want to be distracted or whatever. I'll get back to you when it's a better time.

I might be in the bath. On the loo. Trying to have a nap. At the supermarket checkout. How dim and entitled do you need to be to not understand any of the above?

Not to mention that sometimes you just need half an hour to think about your response to something, check your diary, check with someone else or whatever, before you answer.

I sometimes read something, no time to reply then (or need to think about reply / check something before I reply) and then forget to reply because I'm you know, human, and busy.

I think yabu op.

In the nicest possible way you need to get over yourself. People have busy lives with lots going on and sometimes need to think/ are doing something else when they half read a message.

So if they look like they have forgotten then chase (and in which case at least you know they have got it as texts occasionally don't arrive for hours).

maddiemooks have you considered that her DP is actually a rude twunt who likes showing her up in front of friends/ messing her around rather than it being an issue with the blue ticks per se?

Oh dear. I thought most people didn't care about when one replies to messages. I read mine all the time but unless it's convenient/urgent I tend to reply in the evening when the baby's gone to bed. Sometimes I take a few days to reply and sometimes I just forget. I thought this was normal but now realise I may have annoyed people. Whoops.

I thought the whole point about text messages was that people answer at their own convenience. If there’s a reason you need an answer quickly then you need to say so. Otherwise I will reply when I have time to do so.

I think this sort of thread just typifies what is meant by the Millennial Generation being a bunch of snowflakes.

Not everything has to happen when you want it, not everyone has to dance to your tune. Not everyone is available or willing to listen to your thoughts the second you have them, 24 hours a day, 365 days of the year.

And it seems so many of you can't cope with that and spend hours angsting and over-analysing why it might be. Trying to find deeper meaning or taking personal offence in it.

I hate the idea that you have to reply immediately, it stresses me out. I work shifts and am currently doing a 10 day stretch. I really haven't got the energy to respond to messages but I will read them because the little blue dots annoy me.

Anyway, I don't reply until I feel like it but I also don't have expectations of people replying to me until it is convenient for them.