to think we need a Mums of teenagers Union or something (lighthearted)

[Somethingfantastic89]

This would be to:

Tell each other what we actually let them wear and watch and buy and do, instead of hearing all the time "ALL my friends do it!" and secretly wondering if we're really the only parent on earth who makes their child miserable.

Share thoughts on how not to go mad every time we hear "yeah sure I'll do it in a minute" and then see our dear teen disappear for a few hours... or urgently need the bathroom... or suddenly remember a missed homework... or feel sick...

To make a list of all the things we need to change so they're happy, all the things they know better than us... starting by who we are, what we eat, where we live, what time we wake up, what we watch, what music we like, how we drive, the choices we make, what we cook ... I'm sure I left out loads.

And much more (suggestions welcome)

I think such a Union would be great
AIBU?

It feels good to not feel alone

Yeah let's strike!! Can I add a few terms?

• Being mean to other/younger siblings and causing them to cry or become uncontrollably enraged while smirking will give the parent(s) the right to tell said teenager's friends all about that time when he/she was 3 and begged mummy to watch her poop.

• Shouting and swearing at the PC while playing some stupid game will trigger an internet ban of at least 24 hours.

BBThree I had to google "mans not hot" so I'm off to live under a stone too

Today I saw my DS write a long email and thought it had to do something with school/homework/work experience (all things that apparently will happen on their own). When I asked him, he said (eye roll first and grumpily) it was an email to the owners of a website where he plays that game (very popular but I can never remember its name). The email is him protesting about not being allowed to take part in certain groups of the game because he should be considered a long-time player - with evidence and arguments provided. Jaw dropping really. all that energy and time! And when I said what I thought, I got "please leave, just go, you are really completely ignorant)

So, not strictly a teen but I have a DD. Aged 12, year 7. How much should I sweat about choice of friends? She has made friends with a girl who has become her BFF but this kid is a nightmare. Frequent detentions, missing school, on phone until 10 at night on a school day, not doing homework. By comparison my daughter has never had a detention, we make sure her homework is done and are very involved with school and all devices removed at 8.30, lights out at 9. Dd is now commenting on how 'uptight' we are and saying it's no big deal to get a detention. I don't like this slide in attitude and DH keeps saying we need to do all we can to discourage the friendship. I am more of the camp that we let her work it out and of she makes a few mistakes she should find her way back as she has us to guide her. Christ, even writing that I can see how hopelessly optimistic and naive I am. Much like when I told my SIL that newborn DD won't take too much of my time up

Will somebody please tell this aging male fart what streaks are?

Andrew
The official explanation is:
A Snapchat streak is when you send direct snaps back and forth with a friend for several consecutive days. ... Snapchat rewards longer streaks with special emojis, such as the "100" emoji for streaks lasting 100 days, or a mountain emoji for an extremely long streak. (Copied from google)
But we know that streaks are so much more than that. They are the pillars of our teens' social life and losing a streak (especially if due to parent confiscating phone) will cause never-seen-before meltdowns

Andrew
Apparently all us old fogies need to know is that if they are not done its the end of civilisation as we know it
Who knew something so important rested on the shoulders of our teens?

DB22
I sweat a lot about friendships but then again maybe it's just me. DH is more relaxed and says, like you, that DD will have to make her own mistakes and learn from them. A tiny part of me knows he's right, but I can't help it.
My DD (now 15) made very questionable friendship choices when she was 13. I literally wanted to step in and forbid her from seeing X, who seemed to be in trouble all the time, but popular of course because who likes a "nerd", right? I could see her influence on DD. A few times, X came over for a sleepover - she didn't even say hi to us when she walked in, just went straight up to DD's room, very entitled attitude etc. For the sake of not embarrassing DD (any more than I do in my natural state), I waited for a little while. Then they fell out as they do at that age. Never talking to her again/she's my BFF/I hate her/she's my BFF... this went on for a while and we kept telling DD that she has to listen to her gut feeling about what's right for her. Eventually DD got a detention and isolation and she hated it. After that, she made better choices (although from time to time, she still does fall into the current that follows popular kids). I guess we were lucky. I think if that friendship had continued and influence my DD more and more, i would've stepped in and steered her away from that particular girl. I think you just have to keep an eye on things. We parents walk a invisible fine line.

Andrew lol they are the ones who know it all

Mkenzie I have just copied and pasted that for me to read in a few years. Thank you.

Thank you Somethingfantastic. That's reassuring, I think. I was a bit about the isolation. I think I would freak at that.

Aww I love that letter -thank you. Something to remember when you feel like a broken record about laundry and cups in rooms.

Just on Snapchat & streaks. My son (13 and a half) has it and this week he left his phone at school. He asked to put the app on mine and then left it on mine so the notifications were popping up. I think I am quite clued up on these apps and I do ask him to let me check his Instrgam from time to time as we've had problems before with messages from people he didn't know on that. However this time I could see he was getting the pictures "streaks" but he was also getting direct messages from girls, some he knew from school others not. Asking him to rate them out of 10 and then rating him. Also asking what he would be willing to do with them and him giving quite graphic responses (not the full deed but others of you get my drift) I was horrified. I haven't told them I have seen the messages yet ( as soon as I do he will clam up and tell me nothing) but I am biding my time and am going to speak to him this weekend when we are on our own about respect, consent, the danger of these messages etc (again!!), I think it is mostly bravado and for show as 99% of the time I know where he is and who he is with but just to make you all aware that Snapchat is not just sending pictures/fun with streaks. I hate the idea of him being "rated" on his appearance and "rating" others. No wonder their self esteem is so fragile. And its a nightmare trying to get them to give up any of these apps as "all their friends have them". Thanks for the Union - any advice? xxxx

Another action for our Union to take: lobby for the complete removal of snapchat from social media, or an age limit, or compulsory supervision from adults (in which case of course teens will stop using it and that's why this will be a hard one to lobby for).

mumontherun I keep telling them about consent and dangers etc all the time too... I just have to hope it sinks in one day.

I know they would probably never do this but even if they removed the messaging element of it and just let them send a picture. I was catching I'm a celebrity with him last night and we were talking about Jack Maynard getting removed for sending innapproriate messages so we had another chat about it then. But I need to be more direct or he is going to lose the phone. It is so difficult to police..

xxx

Have any of you installed spyware on your childrens phones? I am trialling one at the moment on DD's phone which allows me to block access to certain sites, prevent her from downloading apps, shows me who she has spoken to and a copy of text messages as well as websites she has visited. The only issue is it doesn't have a copy of WhatsApp messages on it but I have found another type of software that does that and shows photos etc on the phone.

At the moment we have an agreement that she can have a phone of I have access to passwords. I regularly read messages, thankfully the worse I have found is her sending stupid argumentative messages to people. In each case she wasn't the only one in the wrong, bit how do you stop them doing silly things like that?

No but I have put parental controls on and also on our Virgin Media broadband. We're all on the same Apple Id so I can see any apps they try and download and randomly I can see my DD's call log. She is younger (11) and also has snapchat and last week she had a fall out with a school friend and admitted she had been sending cheeky messages. I told her to text her friend back and apologies which she did. I try and drill into them that once its written down they can't take it back but its really difficult x

We have the same controls as you mumontherun, so maybe I am being paranoid. It's mostly that WhatsApp that bothers me. She has sent some stupid messages, not awful, but certainly not her finest hour. She's also received them. She's also Instagram but doesn't use it much.

I may possibly be considering this as a gift this year...

www.amazon.co.uk/Teenagers-while-still-everything-Parents/dp/B00W2XH074

Oh God. YES PLEASE. begs

Bingo would be fabulous - marking place like I have never marked place before

pastimperfect

pastimperfect that would be a great gift! I might do too hang in the kitchen... or maybe order a few for every room lol

I don't know about spyware or checking the messages they send back and forth. It might work with younger teens but there is no way in hell my 15 and 16 year old teens would accept it and I have to say I understand their need for privacy. I try to trust them because I don't fancy reading all those stupid messages they must be sending each other all day long

I'm trying to recap what we (the Union ) have agreed on so far ... so many great ideas!

• A teenage catchphrase Bingo night
• Lobbying various social media to basically ruin
• Going on strike until they agree to our terms and conditions (see previous posts)
• Wine, and chocolate must be prescription alternatives for parents of teenagers

We need a rule book
And a vote on our motto: We're all in the same boat OR You're so uptight about trivial shit? (or other? open to suggestions)

Our hymn is "I will survive" with adapted words (again, previous posts...)

Lol brilliant 🤣🤣🤣

How about this for a motto?
S.S.D.D
(Same shit different day😉)

I have found my people

Is it too late to apply for membership
Dd2 13.ds12 next month and lil zoo is 10(but as seems be developing at fast rate as dd2 its chaos here)i rarely dare take of hardhat as warzone is always upon us
Locust like behaviour through cupboards
Soggy towels
Bedroom floordrobes.rule is if trickling downstairs deal with it or i bin everything on floor(evil bitch me)- to get round this they lob it back in room from landing and shut door
I am of course a halfwit that lived when dinos roamed and my opinion(even when asked for) provokes eye rolling and huge sighs
Tempeted move into shed with spiders...
Dd1 has come out other side-just got degree.has job n buying house with longterm boyfriend which keeps spotless.this gives me hope.....

Rosanne embarrasses her son tinyurl.com/yb6dosky