to think we need a Mums of teenagers Union or something (lighthearted)

[Somethingfantastic89]

This would be to:

Tell each other what we actually let them wear and watch and buy and do, instead of hearing all the time "ALL my friends do it!" and secretly wondering if we're really the only parent on earth who makes their child miserable.

Share thoughts on how not to go mad every time we hear "yeah sure I'll do it in a minute" and then see our dear teen disappear for a few hours... or urgently need the bathroom... or suddenly remember a missed homework... or feel sick...

To make a list of all the things we need to change so they're happy, all the things they know better than us... starting by who we are, what we eat, where we live, what time we wake up, what we watch, what music we like, how we drive, the choices we make, what we cook ... I'm sure I left out loads.

And much more (suggestions welcome)

I think such a Union would be great
AIBU?

@BillywilliamV Stealth boasts about perfect teens are really hard to bear. Although I quite enjoy it when I know the teen is pulling the wool over a smug parents eyes. A friend swears her DD is an angel and never wears make up and never turns her skirt up like ‘those other girls’. So that wouldn’t be her I saw putting her make up on on the bus with her skirt up to her bum then

llijk I'm pretty sure DS of Lottie also knows how to wash up a bowl!

Yes justhope I know of one(16) that was having sex with her 14 year old BF that parents thought she was safe with because he was too young to want to have sex yeah right! All hit the fan in the doctor's surgery when she got repetitive cystitis and was questioned directly by GP!

Billy I used to be an 'I'm so lucky* parent.
I laugh hollowly at my own naivety now...just when you think you've got away with it - bam!

Yep CanI I have 2 DDs that get glowing school reports and are super polite and lovely to all. But they can be vile at home at times, I suppose it gets tiring being great all the time!

Just heard floorboards creaking, DD17 is up!

I need this in my life

Sooo... can I ask other Union members to compare notes with me on teenage parties?
Talking abut 16 year old teens now, do they:

• Always stay the night wherever they have the party (my DS's group of friends seem to do this, they party here - they all sleep here, and same with whoever's house they go to)
• Party without adult supervision? (my DS claims that some of his friends' parents leave the house until the party is over - I've never done this, can't leave a bunch of 16 year olds party in the house without supervision! Although I do withdraw to my bedroom and just show my face from time to time pretending I need something from the kitchen when in reality I'm just checking to make sure no one is drunk/sick/puking on my nice carpets)
• Turn the music down around 11 pm? (I insist they do this but apparently I ruin the mood - tough lol)

Do we need a separate rule book for teenage herd parties?

I knew it!!!!!!
Someone ALWAYS pipes up that their younger child knows how to wash up/tidy their room/sort washing!
The point is, tee be know as well. They just can't be arsed to actually DO it!
Nine year olds haven't realised not being arsed is an option (yet). Their time will come.

My DCs argue over who's turn it is to put the bins out and wash the dishes and complain if it's the other ones turn. Their father is such lazy bastard I consider this one of my greatest parenting triumphs. They're early teens so I'm not resting on my laurels.

And as Neither of them can get dirty clothes in the same proximity as the laundry basket though, I've still got some work to do.

RE Parties - hard NO here. The average parent of teenagers simply doesn't allow parties and if they do, they are present, downstairs and involved. Don't be fooled.

And yy my 14 year old used to bound up to the corner shop aged 10, delighted to help his mummy. Now he looks at me like I shat in his actual face.

😂😂😂

I've got a 13yo whose mantra appears to be "I just want to sit down"when asked to take her plate away or move her shoes from the middle of the hall but at least she cannot slam her bedroom door anymore thanks to the new carpet in her room! Victory!!

Oh and the 'I doooooont knoooooooow' when asked anything from what do you want to eat,what do you want for Xmas to what colour is the sky'

Then there is also the never-ending fighting with the 4yo (possibly autistic) and the 3yo. It's making me want to drink.

Do we have any practising lawyers in our midst - to deal with any murder suits?
And psychologists? Obviously to help our teens deal with the trauma that we are putting them through?
Us? We just need to self medicate with alcohol. Any doctors in our midst experienced in liver transplants?

becotide gosh really? no parties at all? I started allowing them when DS turned 16. I figured better that than him making up excuses to disappear for a few hours. Then again I might be a doormat

Pandora My DD is the same. She never knows what she wants. And if I make any suggestions, she looks at me as if I've just said the dumbest thing ever recorded in history . And then goes back to "but I don't knoooooooooow". Ugh

Yeah really, I'm not doing it. I don't care if that makes me not the cool mum. Someone else can be the cool mum.

We don't allow parties here. Had a 'gathering' for 15th which only involved pizza and popcorn and swore never again. The noise and mess was not for us and I wouldn't dream of going out and leaving them to it. DD17 has been to many though. Other parents vary, some leave the house(I had been told they were staying in by DD) others stay upstairs. I never allow DD to stay over as I want to see how she is after and know that she is safe and ok. I've seen her friends come out and get in a cab with bottles of neat vodka and a skirt round their waist. These girls are polite, high achievers usually.
There is always sick in the flower beds even at the most fancy addresses I've picker her up from!

After saying things had been better lately, had an awful day today which started over a row about use of the computer. DD1 seems to think nobody else's need is as great as hers. Last year it was GCSE's and now A Levels. Of course at the time she was actually organising her photos but of course she was actually just about to start her school work so no, DD2 couldn't get her work done. We have actually bought her a laptop for christmas(bigger present than usual) but I feel like she doesn't deserve it with the way she lords it up! Bah humbug!

Dd17 has had 3 parties. First when she was 16...
we have been out for all of them, but good (adult) friend was sent in to help finish the party around 12/1.
She was put off by the last one- friends brought drugs and at least 3 puked (albeit outside).

I am cool Mum clearly...

I do buy her drink as well, and she knows that it’s so that she doesn’t drink excessively so she is fine with what she gets and not the neat vodka others neck at parties.

She is heartbroken again at the moment but seems to be coping quite well and being sensible about the headfuck of a guy she is no longer with. Phew.

The last party DD went to where we thought parents were upstairs(they had gone to the pub!!!) we got a call from DD at 11 to say come quickly as a few big guys had broken the front door down to get in! We arrived just as the parents strolled in from the pub to find a smashed door and sick in various piles.Apparently they were shocked to find their bed had been 'used' No sympathy .

MsHarry How about the Union creates a safe space for all of us parents who want to hide when teens are arguing with each other? We'll call it the "don't care don't want to know safe place"

Re parties:
My 16 year old has a small group of friends that I've got to know well. They do everything together - play basketball, movies, party - so if it's one of their houses, I don't mind DS spending the night after a party. If I don't know who is organising the party, I make a point to embarrass drop him off and meet the parents/adults and ask who's staying with them, and DS is not allowed to stay the night.
The drinking... Isadora you are cool and I want an angel emoticon too I do buy drinks too, I hate the idea that they're drinking but I know they will do it (we were once 16-17 a few million years ago) and I'd rather have the illusion of some control or knowledge of what he's doing.
I improvise as I go. Like I said, sometimes I feel really old and stupid tired.

Great idea. After my DD passed her driving test, she never wanted to give us a lift anywhere. I couldn't believe it after all the miles we have clocked up on her.

Then she went to uni in September and she loves us and appreciates all we've done for her

But ... she's home in a few weeks for Christmas....

Interesting re parties. What age did all this stuff start? It seems to be a new thing with DDs (14) friends to have a birthday party rather than the usual sleepover. The tales from parties are pretty scary, with things getting out of hand with uninvited people showing up and of course alcohol is a big feature. The responsibility of hosting a party for this age group is just too much for me.

JustHope In our case we didn't allow parties until DS turned 16. Not hosted them or allowed him to go before that. (Now DD is 15 and she has to wait until she turns 16 next year. She sulks but I don't care).
We've only hosted 2 parties so far for DS and we haven't had any major issues, and I put a limit on the number of people he can invite, usually between 10 and 15. Then they all sleep in our living room and in the morning parents pick them up one by one.
We also feed them about 2 hours after the party starts - nothing fancy, usually pizza or pasta - this makes sure that 1/we're involved, they know we're there so no funny business and 2/they're not drinking on empty stomachs.
Two uninvited boys showed up last time, around midnight. I was suspicious so I sent DH downstairs with an excuse and we kept an eye on them but luckily they seemed fine and chaos was avoided.
We're always up all night watching my hair turn grey until everyone goes home in the morning.