Dad in tears about Christmas

[SingleKrisKringle]

My dad has been so upset tonight about Christmas and he's not a man who cries!

Basically he dotes on my nephew/his gs but my sister has announced that she would like all family gifts delivered prior to Christmas Eve as all presents are to be from Father Christmas/Santa not getting into that debate

I can't get too worked up about it. She wants him to believe, says we can say relatives told Santa to buy the presents they bought and still hand over a little gift from us, she thinks this will stop people going overboard and I think that will most definitely be a result as most people want to 'see their face' when they open gifts.

However I also totally understand my dads side too. He's concerned my nephew (3) will wonder why his family aren't buying for him and will see other people exchange gifts. I guess this year it won't be a problem but if she wants to keep doing it this way in future I can see that maybe becoming an issue. Also gratitude I suppose, if he thinks someone else is giving the gifts he won't be thanking anyone. Again, probably not so much an issue this year.

So... AIBU to be on the fence? My head is telling me keep quiet it's her decision, I don't want things to be strained for Christmas. I love my sister dearly but she can be ver stubborn. On the other hand my dad being so sad did break my heart a little bit.

Any suggestions for compromise or reasons one way is better than the other will maybe help me get the splinters out....

Just read you updates. I think ypur Dad should just buy one thing and so should you. One present from each relitive is plenty.
Mil used to buy loads for our DDs but my parents could only afford to buy them one present each. They actually appreciated the one pressent from my parents a lot more than the loads they got from Mil

For my kids, Santa bought whatever was in the stocking, we bought the main presents. I’m not giving a fictional character all the glory. Santa did bring gifts, they were the shit ones in the stockings.

Also Grandad deserves his glory too!! Especially how he has a close bond to his GS, I bet that was going to be the highlight of his Christmas. I hope you can talk her round.

Love that idea eagleislost redirection of funds may save a lot of hurt feelings. I get that a grown man should just suck it up but he's honestly not a bad person just generous to a fault.

I know for a fact my sister hates panto (not the biggest fan myself!) so I don't think she'd mind if dad started a tradition to take him. I really think this could be a winner! Thank-you for the suggestion

Wow. Your sister is one tight arsed duck trying to get her family and friends to fund her DS's Christmas presents. Tell her to stop being so tight.

She sounds quite controlling but I don't think this a situation where your Dad should be crying! Do what she says and buy a gift from Santa for him. Then on the day rebel and also buy a gift for him to open from you. He will have opened Santa's presents by then and wondering why there is no gift from you!!!

Seems a bit sneaky rather than just saying please respect our wishes and cut down.

@SingleKrisKringle it seems you've got there on your own but this comment and the ones about your Dad really stuck with me. I actually think, with the greatest respect as he sounds lovely, that it's him BU not your DSis.

We have had conversations time out of mind with the DPIL about the amount of stuff they're buying my DC. we've tried going with one big present to stop the pile, and it didn't work. Last year she PROMISED me she wouldn't buy anything else other than one further present (so she could see them open it) and arrived with a bag of stuff. I was so cross. This year, she is refusing to tell us what she's bought. I can absolutely see it from your sister's point of view.

The issue I have is that they don't want it, need it, or miss it when it's gone! I took away a bunch of stuff last year and they never even noticed. I either regifted it through birthday parties or gave it to charity. It's just wasteful.

I think a conversation with your Dad is the first priority. Show him last night's episode of Blue Planet and the damage plastic is causing to the oceans!! That might help!

Sorry, I probably should have read the thread, but I'd give the child a present and tell him "look what FC dropped in my house for you".
So, still from FC, but your dad would be giving it to his gs.

Your sister is been unreasonable and her way will probably mean the DN figures out there is no Santa sooner.
In our house Santa brings one present and one only the rest are from either us (DH & I) or whoever has given the gift. I believe this helps DCs appreciate gifts and to learn the value of money.

This is exactly why a lot of people hate Christmas. The pressure, the arguments etc. Just have Christmas without the presents, most people don't need everything they get anyway.

The need to put gifts above all else, even the feelings of those closest to you is one of the saddest things I’ve read.
It’s ironic really because financially DP and I are better off than we’ve ever been (not minted but not skint anymore either), but my god this year has taught me that without love there is nothing. The thought of having nothing else but an obsession with “things” and putting that above all else is really depressing.

SingleKrisKringle, yes the 'overdoing it' is what has sparked this off. My earlier post was on the assumption that and any all gifts were to be handed over and this is unreasonable. But if your dad is going for it with presents and doing 'sackloads' then it's really all about him and not about the joy of his grandchild. I wouldn't like it either having a tetchy, overwhelmed child for whom receiving presents is like an extended torture due to the sheer volume.

Less is most definitely more and I think if you can get your dad to see that and co-operate, the instruction from your sister will fade away.

@SingleKrisKringle to be honest your sister's approach will just hasten the demise of Christmas magic because it's far harder for a child to believe that the only gifts they get at Christmas are from Father Christmas.

We changed tactics when my eldest was 3 after she looked around on Christmas morning and said "Why didn't you and daddy buy me anything?"

She was genuinely upset that there were no gifts from us, not in a spoilt way...she'd have been happy with a new pair of socks. I was gutted!

So now (she's 10 and still buys into the magic...but I'm going to have to change that soon), all of the main presents are from us and Father Christmas brings just one gift (like he does in pretty much every film so all ties in neatly).

It's become something really fun because Father Christmas always brings the gift that I frown at and say "There's no way I'm getting that for you, choose something else for your Christmas list". Their glee at having a gift they know isn't from us is brilliant. It also helps keep a lid on the budget because the children know we buy everything else.

Maybe make a suggestion around these lines to your sister so that your DN can enjoy Christmas magic for a bit longer. After all, the reaction of children thinking there's magic is magic in itself and can make Christmas incredible.

to be honest your sister's approach will just hasten the demise of Christmas magic because it's far harder for a child to believe that the only gifts they get at Christmas are from Father Christmas.

It won't! It's a healthy thing for children to start naturally questioning things. If the magic of the Christmas season is dependant on a child believing in Santa then you're doing it wrong.

" just generous to a fault."

Well as I said, I don't get the parents giving as well as FC so that FC "doesn't get all the glory".

So if GF gives one present from him & his sole intention is for GS to have more, I don't see why them being from FC would be a problem.

Perhaps there's something that he could always buy as well as a present that's a special "thing" between him & his GS?

Selection box, small lego, book to read & or colour together, puzzle, board game...

In our house Santa gives the stocking and brings* the gifts that have been chosen and bought by family and friends. TBH I think adults think about it more than kids

Your poor dad. You need to back him up OP

It is a completley bizarre thing to do. How will this keep 'Santa' alive for longer? Surely it would just raise more questions. Why did x get presents from their grandad/aunt/whoever but not me? It is also very very rude to basically ask for a gift beforehand... and then to say oh but we are not even saying it is from the person. It is just rude. And it is also mean to take away the joy and magic the gift giver gets from seeing the wee persons pleasure in the present. Doesn't really teach the children good manners either - not saying thank you and being appreciative.

Your sister is a cheeky fucker, but your Dad has been in tears about it?? REALLY??

This thread has been a real eye opener. Very grateful I asked.

We don't go too overboard at Christmas and it's still magical. I do think a limit on spending is a good idea. We do 50 pounds per child and 30 pounds for adults and it's fine. I think a chat to sister and your dad about not overspending is a good idea.

Any suggestions for compromise or reasons one way is better than the other will maybe help me get the splinters out...

My nieces and nephews got (they are all 18+ now) all their presents from FC but the tags said, "from father Xmas, from aunty xm or grandma"

Obviously, I spend more on my kids, but grandparents etc only spend 50 pounds.

Jeez the sister just wants Op & her dad to buy one present each so that the majority come from her!

They don't have to hand over anything to be given fro FC-just give one present-not one sack-each on the day!

Yes, really, crunchymum

He wants to (rightly or wrongly) but a tonne of presents and see his gs open them.

He wasn't sobbing but did get visibly teary when telling me he wasn't allowed to do it this year. Well he can still buy the gifts if he chooses but won't see him opening them apart from one he can say is from him.

I am 100% going to support my sister and encourage my dad to cut down and also do the same myself and maybe spend the cash on an activity instead as long as she agrees.

Doesn't stop me feeling a bit sorry for my dad. I think he just wants to relive our Christmases but I can fully appreciate that isn't fair or appropriate

Do not do the it will be a shame not to see his face thing!!! It is entirely up to the parents when the child is given the actual gift because they may even be overwhelmed with too many on the day and keep some back for later/boxing day etc. they should not HAVE to open them in front of the giver although it is nice if that can happen.

But having said that the gifts should be from Grandad or Aunty Sue or whoever not Santa unless they are from the parents.

I think it's just a cheap shit way for your sister to not have to spend much money on her own child's Santa presents

^ This