Dad in tears about Christmas

[SingleKrisKringle]

My dad has been so upset tonight about Christmas and he's not a man who cries!

Basically he dotes on my nephew/his gs but my sister has announced that she would like all family gifts delivered prior to Christmas Eve as all presents are to be from Father Christmas/Santa not getting into that debate

I can't get too worked up about it. She wants him to believe, says we can say relatives told Santa to buy the presents they bought and still hand over a little gift from us, she thinks this will stop people going overboard and I think that will most definitely be a result as most people want to 'see their face' when they open gifts.

However I also totally understand my dads side too. He's concerned my nephew (3) will wonder why his family aren't buying for him and will see other people exchange gifts. I guess this year it won't be a problem but if she wants to keep doing it this way in future I can see that maybe becoming an issue. Also gratitude I suppose, if he thinks someone else is giving the gifts he won't be thanking anyone. Again, probably not so much an issue this year.

So... AIBU to be on the fence? My head is telling me keep quiet it's her decision, I don't want things to be strained for Christmas. I love my sister dearly but she can be ver stubborn. On the other hand my dad being so sad did break my heart a little bit.

Any suggestions for compromise or reasons one way is better than the other will maybe help me get the splinters out....

Best quote from our house on Christmas morning from my daughter - "oh look Mummy, Santa has the same wrapping paper as Santa!". It did not spoil the joy until she was much older and thought about it - Christmas is about sharing and the joy of giving, not Santa. Your sister needs to lighten up, otherwise she is headed for a Christmas melt-down!

We all have ways of doing it, little present, big present, stocking from Santa, but never have I heard of anyone saying they should send a present but not get so much as a hug for it!
It will make the child realise curry quickly the man in the big red suit doesn't exist as he will realise at a younger age that some of the world don't celebrate Christmas, but then surely Santa wouldn't discriminate!

Can you tell your ds that your dd was in tears so she understands how much it means to him? Surely it's not for her to tell people how to deliver a gift. I wonder how the other grandparents feel.

Something to remember is that although the gift in itself is exciting for a child, it is also associated with the person who chose it and that is very important. Grandad won't always be there for his gs at Christmas and he no doubt wants to give him a personal and well chosen gift. My parents are no longer alive but the little (inexpensive) things they gave my dcs are very special because they are a demonstration of love. Your dad should be allowed to demonstrate his love for his grandson - it's a lovely thing and will be important to both of them. He will also like to know that when he is gone the memory if not the item will still be there.

I guess I can see where your sister is coming from as I remember feeling dc's gps outdid us on the present front. Made me feel side-lined.
Could also see the number of things that weren't then appreciated / played with. (Used to take as much as I could back to the shop to swap for vouchers which I could then use over the year to get stuff that was "needed" / appreciated.)

Don’t know if I’ve missed someone saying this already but...

Remember that whatever precedent your sister sets will be what the family has to do from now on - so any children of yours (or other siblings) won’t have presents from family in future either.

Everyone gives their own gifts. Big prezzie we buy is from us then all the others and stocking is from father Xmas. Pretty much done with the Santa stuff now though, my yougest is 8 and has three older siblings.

Santa does not bring all the presents! My dd used to love the presents from my Dad, who sadly died of cancer when she was still small. I'm not surprised yours cried. She needs to understand that gift giving is part of Christmas, not Santa. I think you should all flatly refuse saying she's missing the point of Christmas. I'm assuming she can afford to buy her son his gifts from Santa herself? What she's suggesting will confuse him as to why Santa is buying presents for relatives when other families don't do this.

It’s got a shelf life of 3 years max before he finds out that Santa doesn’t exist. I can understand both viewpoints. We’re telling our kitchen do this year that they can have one small gift from Santa and the rest are from the people who bought them. But if I were you I’d buy a small gift and don’t worry about it. It won’t be an issue for long.

Sorry pretty -not curry

This is outrageous. Sister should be told straight out. The Santa myth is another argument. The gifts are from Dad. End of

I remember similar thread last year and I think everyone said not all presents were from Santa!

How we had ours as kids:

Stockings
Breakfast
Big Santa presents
After the dinner, family exchanges presents, all together, everyone gets to see people open gifts etc.

Not the same now as we rarely have big gatherings but it worked v well. I can still remember gifts I had from specific relatives (not at age 3 obvs).

Who on earth does this. If the child is to think only Santa gives present then it will go on until he is about 7, not just this year. I would either wait until after Christmas until giving a gift saying just thought as Santa didn t bring whatever, that you would give it to child or not bother with gift at all. Santa is a big enough make believe event without all this nonsense.

What about a compromise where Santa does two drop offs? One to the house and one to granddad's house? Then granddad can bring down the presents on Christmas that "Santa" left at his. As DGS gets older he'll realise who the presents are really from and Granddad gets to see DGS's face as he opens his presents?

Kids not kitchen. We don’t buy gifts for our kitchen.

Sounds like she wants to use other people's gifts to be 'santa's' so she doesnt have to shell out herself!

She is being a controlling sod and basically making Christmas crap for everyone (is she secretly the Grinch!?) because she's just about to steal Christmas.

I have the opposite and it pisses me right off. In-laws have always insisted that we go to theirs to receive presents and that 'Santa has been to their house too' leaving presents for DS.

For me Santa comes to the child's home (or wherever they are staying) only and are from the parents and gifts from everyone else should be treated as such, not least for gratitude. It's a bugger when traditions clash.

I get my child my rule but this is cheap as...

My friend use to take presents given and send them to Santa to be sent back...

What is she going to say once he goes to school and friends want to give gift NO... and how is he going To learn gratitude

Nope nope nope..

I always put little presents on my children stocking at night, they were from Santa.These were opened whenever they woke up
Presents under the tree were from whoever wanted to give a present, with their name clearly written.Under the tree presents were opened after breakfast .Everybody Happy.
Your sister is wrong.

The part that shocked me most in your OP was your dad's reaction. Way over the top to be crying over this situation. Very odd. Unless there's more to it? Your sister sounds like a controlling cow. Although maybe after telling your dad numerous times that she doesn't want him to give her son loads of gifts, she's finally had enough of being ignored! I could understand if this was the case.

Then granddad can bring down the presents on Christmas that "Santa" left at his.
So then granddad still doesn't get to say, that's from me, son, and have a thank you from the child.

Granddad should just ignore his daughter's request and give his gift to the child at whatever time is suitable.

How about asking dad to buy 2 smaller pressies, so that one can comply with the request, delivered by Santa, and the other can be given in person?

Wish people would rtft.

My sisiter did this, I just never sent a present as I was not spending money on it when I couldn't give it. She was in a huff as most my family and the in-laws did the same and she had to buy the stuff on the santa list herself.

I personal feel that one big present should be from Santa and then smaller gifts from family. I hate the idea one a child going into school says they had massive amounts of presents from Santa and another child only getting one. Give mixed messages to children that Santa favours some more then others.

I think your sister needs to realise that she can’t dictate how other people give gifts.

This.

I honestly don't understand people who think they get to dictate exactly how and what and when presents are given. It's like some people think they (or their kids) are owed a present.

Presents are solely the choice of the giver. Sure, sometimes they might accept parental guidance, such as a child's preferences, but otherwise, they get to choose what they give, when they give it and how they give it.