Dad in tears about Christmas

[SingleKrisKringle]

My dad has been so upset tonight about Christmas and he's not a man who cries!

Basically he dotes on my nephew/his gs but my sister has announced that she would like all family gifts delivered prior to Christmas Eve as all presents are to be from Father Christmas/Santa not getting into that debate

I can't get too worked up about it. She wants him to believe, says we can say relatives told Santa to buy the presents they bought and still hand over a little gift from us, she thinks this will stop people going overboard and I think that will most definitely be a result as most people want to 'see their face' when they open gifts.

However I also totally understand my dads side too. He's concerned my nephew (3) will wonder why his family aren't buying for him and will see other people exchange gifts. I guess this year it won't be a problem but if she wants to keep doing it this way in future I can see that maybe becoming an issue. Also gratitude I suppose, if he thinks someone else is giving the gifts he won't be thanking anyone. Again, probably not so much an issue this year.

So... AIBU to be on the fence? My head is telling me keep quiet it's her decision, I don't want things to be strained for Christmas. I love my sister dearly but she can be ver stubborn. On the other hand my dad being so sad did break my heart a little bit.

Any suggestions for compromise or reasons one way is better than the other will maybe help me get the splinters out....

Another compromise- my mil used to find a gift from the tree on the day the tree was taken down. So the kids got a final present from her days after the frenzy of Xmas had worn off. He could start a tradition like that at his house, something that could stay at his house to be played with by grandad and grandson..

How about

Santa brings one special present rest from family.

Or
Santa gives a stocking full of present s he gets that are special to each child. Dd gets v small things like strawberry toothhpaste (santa thinks oral health is very important) a new flannel, football cards, She loves these gifts the most.

Your sister is been obnoxious. I have no problem with presents from us being from Father Christmas, although my DSs know that we have to contribute money towards them somehow (mainly so they don't demand massively expensive things!). Presents from grandparents are just that. Father Christmas delivers most of the presents to wherever they are on Christmas Day, but he also delivers all grandparent presents to the house of those grandparents, to be collected later. That way, they are properly grateful to the grandparents, the giver gets to see the face of the recipient as they open them, and not all the presents happen at once, so Christmas lasts longer!

Wtfdoipick. I read the first 2/3 pages. Unfortunately I haven't got enough hours in the day to read all 10 pages. Perhaps you do. I still think the dad's reaction was a bit extreme. OP you should definitely speak with your sister. It isn't worth going through Christmas with this simmering. Nobody will enjoy it and everyone will be on edge. I hope you manage to sort it all out.

Everyone does is so different don’t they!

Regardless of whether Father Christmas is the hero of the hour and brings the big stuff or a smaller stocking, my belief is that presents given by family are just that and shouldn’t go into the Father Christmas sack/stocking/pillowcase. That way children can learn to say thank you to the present-giver.

I can definitely confirm dad got him more than one gift last year. Truthfully it was more than one sack blush I wasn't as bad but I know I got too much.

Wow! I just saw this one, OP. I'm glad you said further on you're going to support your Dsis. Sackloads of gifts is far too much.

No way. She cant dictate how people gifts. If she is that controlling - "Santa" (as in all of your family lol) should give vouchers for psychiatrist sessions
She can gifts the way she wants to but not demand others do same.
Your dad should have been stern and said - sorry but I have a gift from me. End of discussion

@Redguitar2 quick summary is that the dad and the rest of the family went completely Ott and overwhelmed the DN last year. The sister is trying to control things and force them to get less. By over the top the op did admit that her dad got more than 1 sackful of presents then times that by several people, we really are talking very very excessive quantities.

[Bold] So then granddad still doesn't get to say, that's from me, son, and have a thank you from the child. [/Bold]

If someone is giving a gift to a child at Christmas because they want a big golden star and a high five, then they are doing it for the wrong reasons.

I didn't mean that, Cheesecake, just a simple, normal interaction between the two of them.

This is not the sort of discussion which will get you anywhere. Simple tell your sister that she has no business telling other people how to give their Christmas gifts to her son, and tell her into the bargain that you, and your Dad, will deliver your gifts in person and hand them to your nephew, and that if she doesn't care for that he can wait until he visits you and/or your Dad next. I fancy that will change her mind.

Or you could just smack her face and tell her not be arsey.

well i'm sorry but if i'm shelling out for presents then nobody is dictating to me when and how i give them, i don't care who they are!!!

your dad is paying, it's up to him to give them when and where he sees fit! 😠

Like Shona52 said - and the other way around. If a child didn’t get anything from Nanna and Grandad but all their friends got a gift from theirs then they could start to wonder if they’re that special to their own grandparents.

I'm sorry but that is completely out of order. If I give someone a gift I want the recipient to know it's from me and enjoy the giving, not from some made up invisible friend.
She does not have a say about gifts that are given from other people.
Honestly I've heard it all now!!!

Your sister is being ridiculous. Your poor dad.

Oh this hit a real nerve with me! I used to cry myself to sleep every year and me and my sisters would discuss whether my parents would give us any Christmas presents. Every year we got nothing from my parents but some from Father Christmas. I was totally bewildered by it and I used to sadly tell my friends at school we were poor (we were) and that my parents didn't give us Christmas presents. I would put on a brave face and say that I got lots from Father Christmas. I wasn't a greedy or materialistic child but it really hurt that my parents couldn't give me just one tiny thing. One year we all got a book from my parents and it meant so much to me and my sisters. When the penny finally dropped, I vowed I would NEVER lie to my children about Father Christmas - it was a cruel trick in my mind - all those years believing my parents never gave us anything. I treasured the Xmas presents from my 2 grandmothers though.

How old is your nephew/niece? Are they at an age that they still believe in Father Christmas? I think your dad should have a word in her ear and tell her he’s rather miffed and upset that she basically doesn’t want family members visiting on Christmas Day because that’s how it sounds to me. I’ve told my family this year that I’m not going to anyone’s house as this year it’s at ours. People are still welcome to drop their gifts off for our kids. She (sister) needs understand how upset she’s made your dad feel.

My children love to be reminded of who gave them what and they often think about that person as their using/playing with the gift at a much later date. They don’t get to see Uncle Jeff often, but they know that if they’re giving the toy he gave them a cuddle that it was from him (and often say they’re giving Jeff a cuddle via the toy). The gifts aren’t expensive but they are carefully chosen. It’s not about wanting thanks, it’s about showing the child you know them and love them enough to choose something just for them.

I've read most of the thread, OP.

Is it possible that your sister feels that there is a whole heap of over the top pressure and attention and focus on her little boy and, knowing how her family are, she has to clamp down on it? I could understand that.

Something very wrong about this and Creepy! YANBU

If FC delivers all your gifts as a child, surely in hindsight (when you stop believing in him, and that's usually fairly young- 7 or 8 in my experience) you look back with gratitude at the magical Christmas your parents created for you, and all the childhood memories of of the wonderful things FC brought. I know I do and so does my dd. None of us have gone through life being ungrateful entitled brats because the biggest gifts were from FC. We KNOW it was our parents (and maybe some other relatives too) and can be grateful to them in retrospect.

We always told dd (if she asked- which wasn't until she was older) that we didn't get her a gift because FC brought her so many presents. She accepted that, she wasn't greedy or insecure enough to worry that mummy and daddy didn't buy her anything. Other presents from relatives had labels on saying who they were from, so even if FC delivers them on Christmas eve, she still knew who they were from.

However, if someone wanted to give presents to a child personally then that would be fine too- get your dad to have a word and do what he likes. Kids cope and accept all sorts of different scenarios.

I’d be really peeved too. He deserves credit and thanks for the presents he has bought imo. Santa gets them one present each in our house else how would he have time to deliver to everyone else if everyone got 100?!

I’ve heard of people doing this. It’s just weird. How would Santa bring that many presents for each child anyway, not a sustainable idea to believe in. Also it does not teach gratitude and finally snatches away the enjoyment of watching them open the person’s gifts.