Aibu to feel I'm just painfully average?

[DavidBeckhamsleftfoot]

Just that really.

I'm never going to be the one with the important well earning job. I'm never going to be the funniest or the cleverest. As I get older I realise that really there is no hope for success for myself and I should focus my attention on my DC so I can give them the springboard to help achieve whatever they wish in their own lives. Probably not explained it very well here, but I just feel like I'm not here for anything!

But OP, we’re all pretty average and yet we all have amazing and unique qualities which may go unsung but, they’re still relevant and praiseworthy.

If you want to write, write. Do it now. Today. It’s not like you’re saying “I want to be a ballerina/brain surgeon/climb the Eiger. You want to do something very do-able. Do it!

There’s nothing wrong with being ordinary. I had an extraordinary childhood and early adulthood. It was too hard to sustain and I gave it up. My parents said I’d never be happy being ordinary. They were wrong.

OP, Philip Larkin has just the poem for you, that celebrates 'average;, as we nearly all are - Born Yesterday:

Tightly-folded bud,
I have wished you something
None of the others would:
Not the usual stuff
About being beautiful,
Or running off a spring
Of innocence and love —
They will all wish you that,
And should it prove possible,
Well, you’re a lucky girl.

But if it shouldn’t, then
May you be ordinary;
Have, like other women,
An average of talents:
Not ugly, not good-looking,
Nothing uncustomary
To pull you off your balance,
That, unworkable itself,
Stops all the rest from working.
In fact, may you be dull —
If that is what a skilled,
Vigilant, flexible,
Unemphasised, enthralled
Catching of happiness is called.

Feel like a jack of all trades, master of none

Well there’s nowt wrong with being a good generalist!

“"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."

Robert Heinlein (from ‘time enough for love’.)

I can relate to this entirely. For me it started when I went to university. At school I was always top academically so it didn't matter that I wasn't musical or sporty or arty. But when I got to university being clever wasn't enough because everyone was and most people had something extra too, they'd played sport for their county or country, could play an instrument to a really high level or could sing or paint etc etc. I didn't have anything else to offer and it really affected my confidence and even though its 25 years since I graduated I still feel like this.

I can cook but I'm not great, I run as a hobby but I'm slow and always towards the back. I've tried various things over the years to try and find something that I'm really good at or have a talent for but I've never managed it. It makes me sad, I'd love to have something that my friends recognise me for even if it were just sewing on cubs and beaver badges neatly!

OP and Diego, I hear you. I've never expressed this, other than in my head, but I've had a recurring feeling since I was small that I was meant to do/be something - I just wish I knew what that something was.

I've never said this out loud because it sounds like I think I'm special, or better than other people; I dont, by the way. I just a weird, rumbling feeling in the pit of my stomach that there should be 'more'.

I'm not materialistic, and I wouldn't want to be famous for the sake of it, and I agree that we're ALL special in some way.

I realise this has not been much help!

I was reading an interview with the author Mark Lawrence (his wife Riven was a famous Mumsnetters). He is a scientist but nowadays spends his days looking after their disabled child.

And I'm paraphrasing here, but he said he thinks about his novel at odd points during the day while he's going about his chores.

Then, at the end of the day, when he has five minutes he sits down at his computer. At 60 wpm, he can type 300 words in five minutes.

In a week he has 2,000 words.

And in 52 weeks he has 100,000 words, a novel. (And because he thought about each little piece so much, he tends not to do very much rewriting or revision).

That blew my mind a bit. 5 minutes a day.

No hobbies morning. Tried lots of things but nothing that I could do well so never developed an enjoyment for it.

Caution, thank you for your post. I have a story that's been in my head for almost 5 years, just bubbling away, bits get added, bits get taken away. It's just there, just a little trickle of inspiration that occasionally springs a leak. Just never really been able to devote the time to it, it's quite complex and would involve a lot of research on my part as it's a subject I know little about.

Thank you all for the encouragement. I'm feeling better about being average!

Hope you are better now Marty and Portia

I should add the story comes from a short story I wrote years ago for GCSE English. I realised I had more to write and suddenly characters came to mind, with names. I can see them in my mind. I just can't see where they are going.

Feel like a jack of all trades Well that's an achievement in itself.
Money does not equal success for starters.

I like this quote: To know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived, that is success.

OP, I could have written your post - I have no talents at all and it;s been hard for me to realise that I’m average. However, you’re doing a lot better than me because 1) you’re younger and 2) you don’t have the same weird personality type that I have which makes it hard for me to connect well with others on an everyday basis and makes people not want to spend time with me.

I saw this today in the Guardian, and seems it might fit in well with what you want to do? Take a look, there are plenty of similar masterclasses. Or maybe start up a creative writing thread here on MN? It sounds from reading your posts that you’re feeling exhausted from managing all that you do plus this feeling that you’re not achieving something for you alone. Can you make some time before the end of the year to have an afternoon just for yourself out of the house? Just sit somewhere outside that you love (I like looking at the sea) and just allow your head to stop spinning for a bit. Then make up a mood board - divide a big board up and write up at least four things you will have wanted to do by this time next year - cut out pictures from magazines/the paper to put up with it. Then put it somewhere where you’ll look at it first thing every morning.

https://www.theguardian.com/guardian-masterclasses/2017/sep/05/character-and-plot-masterclass-with-cambridge-university-creative-writing-tutors-fiction-course?CMP=ShareiOSAppp_Other

Average is nice. People like average.

TO be truely exceptional at something you have to make a lot of sacrifices and be very single minded. That doesn’t always make for happy, well rounded people who are nice easy company.

I’m average and bloody love it! I much prefer the lack of pressure that comes with it. I’m quite bright, quite capable, quite lazy, quite pretty, quite chunky, quite friendly, quite calm, quite OK. I’m a prettt great cook though, but compared to the chefs out there I’d be decidedly mediocre. Bring on the averages, at least we aren’t narcissistic over achievers!

Most writing is done in your head - the pen to paper bit is just 5%.

You have done loads so far - maybe taking the 5 mins a day to commit to paper is all that you need to do now. There are loads of online and RL writer groups and tools.

Monica Ali wrote Brick Lane on mat leave during night feeds.

BUT - decide what "success" looks like for you. If it is "I wrote a paragraph today, a chapter this week, discussed a synopsis with an online forum etc" you will find success and happiness....but if it is to be published and earning £££££ from novels by Easter then you will fail and be sad.

Uumell, I definitely have an odd personality!!

Thank you so much for the link, I would absolutely love to do something like that!

The mood board also sounds like a good idea. I'd have to motivate myself to find time to do it which would be a good start.

I'd be happy just to know where these characters of mine are going, they've been plodding around my head for years!

Then maybe get a chapter written.

Then maybe 5.

Then a draft.

That'd do for a start.

Being average is actually pretty amazing.
2/3 years ago my then local Parkrun gave me a special achievement award at their annual awards ceremony. I was a pretty mediocre runner but I turned up most weeks, volunteered now and then, actively encouraged a couple of struggling runners but wasn’t a star in any sense of the word. Cue mega embarrassment and me dismissing the award as my “nice but dim” prize. Later I thought about it a bit more. I was being thanked for sticking to to my commitment to attend Parkrun as often as possible and adhering to the ethos of this brilliant organisation. I thought I was average but they thought I was a good example for others.
Your children have a brilliant role model because you stick to your commitments and do your best. Average is good and something to be proud of.

I know how you feel, OP. I feel pretty much the same about myself. I am trying but do feel like I am treading water most of the time.

However, it is funny you say about being a jack of all trades, master of none - that phrase is always used as a negative but the full phrase is actually not negative at all:

“A jack of all trades is a master of none, but oftentimes better than a master of one.”

Just something to think about.

OP i know it’s easier said than done, but you shouldn’t measure your achievements by comparing them to others in order to be happy.

Not everyone is destined to cure cancer or win 5 gold medals at the Olympics, but that’s ok - you can still have a fulfilled and happy life by enjoying what to do, and touching the lives of those around you.

Think about what makes you happy, and do it. If you like writing, just write! It doesn’t have to be great at first, just throw out some ideas and see what happens. Maybe start with a diary and getting a feel for your style. Write personal essays about things you’re passionate about. Try a short story. See how it goes, if you feel you’re getting somewhere then be brave and pitch something. But as long as you enjoy it, that’s all that counts. And you’ll get better with practice.

Don’t think about what you ‘should’ do, think about what you want to do. Find pleasure in the small things, treasure your time with your friends and family. Maybe volunteer your time at a local community/charity and know you are having a positive effect on others.

An average life, if lived well, is not average at all.

Do you enjoy writing? I only do extra stuff I enjoy now, not stuff that I think I should enjoy. I have noticed a massive improvement in my life doing that.

I had that feeling.

So I retrained into the career I wanted.

People say 'oh it's not that simple' but it can be if you can summon the confidence. Put a plan in place. Start plan. Work hard. Achieve goals.

If you want to write then just...start!

I always wanted to study something very obscure that led to an unusual career.

I never thought it would happen, I was shy, I was unqualified, I was too old, missed my chance.
When I turned 30 I took an evening class, that led to a degree, that led to me being able to work in this field.

I am average, but I achieved this whilst having children and juggling every thing.

The biggest lesson I learnt was to not worry about the end game. To just put one foot in front of the other and keep bloody going.

I would never have believed I could get that degree but once I took the evening class and put one foot forward it snowballed.

I am still very average but I am happy because I am my own version of average. I am proud of my own small achievements and I got out of my own way.

Get out of your own way and just, start!!

You are still young. Look at this in a practical non emotional way. When you are about to turn forty what do you want to have achieved? Make a plan, even if it is just the five minutes a day that a PP suggested.

I could not write a book. I have 2 children but feel i am not a good mum. My relationship is good on the outside but im not happy and just plodding along really. I am average at my job and will never be really good at it. So you can do something better than me.

JK Rowling was once a single mum on benefits who wrote her stories in a cafe. Anything is possible.

But maybe your time now is to concentrate on your kids & the rest will fall into place.

I had 4 kids under 6 and a business it was mental. My husband worked long hours & I was responsible for the kids, the house & everything else. It was mentally exhausting. Now my youngest is 7 I have time to myself during the day. Life is not so hard. The kids are very sufficient. They don't make the mess that toddlers do. They can shower themselves. They can put their plates in the dishwasher. Life isn't exhausting like it was. we are finally starting to clear out debts.

I've always been a glass half full kind of girl. But I have also been through a long period of illness & I was unable to work. I lost my job because of it & I didn't get much help from the NHS. Finally I'm back to full health & I now appreciate that being well enough to go to work can be a blessing in it's self. Everyday I'm physically well enough to work is a good thing.

I have lots of time for kind wondering in my job & I have been thinking about the meaning full jobs I used to do rather then the minimum wage job I have now. But I love my job & I love the people I work with so it's good for me. It also gives me lots of flexibility to work around my family. A 9-5 job wouldn't do that.
I do wonder if I might influence someone somewhere in their life. I have high morals. I don't steal. I stand up for what i believe in. I won't tolerate racism. I stand up for people being bullied. I try & support the younger people I work with to be the best that they can be.

Maybe that's the most important thing I might do in my life or maybe I might do something amazing before I die. Who knows.