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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to feel I'm just painfully average?

132 replies

DavidBeckhamsleftfoot · 19/11/2017 15:23

Just that really.

I'm never going to be the one with the important well earning job. I'm never going to be the funniest or the cleverest. As I get older I realise that really there is no hope for success for myself and I should focus my attention on my DC so I can give them the springboard to help achieve whatever they wish in their own lives. Probably not explained it very well here, but I just feel like I'm not here for anything!

OP posts:
lljkk · 19/11/2017 16:16

It was very liberating when I realised I was ordinary. OMG, the pressure was off that somehow I needed to work harder to "achieve my potential." It was no longer my fault that I wasn't anything amazing. I wasn't lazy or worthless. I didn't need to worry about it or "try more." I mean, Fuck Matthew Said & Growth mindsets. Isn't it so cool that it's okay to be ordinary.

Gruach · 19/11/2017 16:17

Tell us more about your mother WildBluebelles.

WildBluebelles · 19/11/2017 16:17

You sound like you may be suffering from depression tbh, OP.

corythatwas · 19/11/2017 16:22

but...but...but...you're only 30...

I'm restarting my career now and I'm nearly 54.

No, won't ever be famous or rich or successful, but there will be something "to hold in my hand" (and yes, I do totally identify with that way of putting it). When I turned 50, it didn't look very likely. Three years later and I'm moving towards it, I have a very clear idea of what I need to feel satisfied, and I'm pushing the boat out.

The best careers advice I've ever been given was from a (much younger) colleague who told me that she had been diagnosed with a serious illness some time previously and realised that time was potentially limited and how that had really made her sit down and plan what she wanted out of her life. She advised me to do the same, turned out what we wanted were totally different things, but she made me think about it.

Phineyj · 19/11/2017 16:24

You need a goal I think. If it weren't half way through November, I'd suggest Nanowrimo.

PortiaCastis · 19/11/2017 16:24

I was very very ill last Christmas and almost lost my life so now I dont care about being average or being what's termed as "perfect" I just feel lucky to be alive and appreciate everything more, to me even looking at the beautiful sunset is a wonder I and the Drs believed I wouldn't see again.
So appreciate being you and hopefully being free from illness as life is so short to worry about being average

MartysHere · 19/11/2017 16:26

After a long long illness I realised that average was pretty amazing.

PortiaCastis · 19/11/2017 16:26

Spot on Marty me too

MartysHere · 19/11/2017 16:29

Thank you. Hope you're recovering now Portia Flowers

LordSugarWillSeeYouNow · 19/11/2017 16:30

Average and normal to me signify good op.

There are so many people for different reasons who would love to have a "normal" life ( whatever that means! ) and my dgm always said that normal and average means that nothing bad has happened that day rather than it being about nothing good has happened if you get me?

I also am a bit like you and wish I had pursued writing, I'm almost 40, have 2 dc, a dp and a multitude of health problems but I always always try and focus on the positive things.

There are lots of people who feel like you do, society has a knack of making us feel like weve got be be someone or be some thing. It's ok to just be you Flowers

ComfortablyGlum · 19/11/2017 16:31

Never has there ever been a better time to be a writer!

You can self publish novels & short stories, start a blog, write articles set up a website - in the main it’s easy, free / cheap.

From a humble blog I started 7 years ago I’ve travelled, made lifelong friends, become mates with a few celebs and had invites to red carpets and parties. I’m an average mum with 3 kids and no qualifications beyond A levels. I just took a punt one day and wrote about one of my interests.

NooNooHead1981 · 19/11/2017 16:32

My dear departed brother wasn't a high flying career man, nor did he own any decent assets or have a partner or children.What he did do, and make me realise, is that he lived his life as fully as he could exactly as he had wanted, and was happy doing that. He wasn't always a very pleasant person nor was he easy company for our family but given the number of his friends at his funeral, he was happy in himself and made am impact on a significant number of people despite not being 'successful' in the conventional sense of the word. I was very proud of him for that. It is something that I have learned from his passing, and will try to instill that in my daughter to be happy with who she is, regardless of how her life does (or doesn't) turn out.

DavidBeckhamsleftfoot · 19/11/2017 16:36

In all honesty though, me does nothing. I can hand on heart say that my life consists of getting up to the baby and sorting the kids out for school, going to work, coming home, making them dinner, put them to bed, go to bed myself. I do not do anything but the above things on 6 out of 7 days a week. Wednesdays I take my 7yr old to Beavers and help out. That's the only change in my week. I never soak in a long bath, ever really see anyone but my family, go anywhere that isn't the supermarket. I haven't left the house without children in almost 2 years.

OP posts:
DavidBeckhamsleftfoot · 19/11/2017 16:37

'Me does nothing'

Cracking writing there! And you wonder why I don't do it!! Grin

OP posts:
NooNooHead1981 · 19/11/2017 16:38

I'm a writer, and have wanted to write ever since I can remember. The only way, as others have said, to achieve this is to write.

Yes, it has taken me over a decade of working in publishing and journalism on what some would deem to be 'boring' business to business trade magazines, and they certainly weren't GQ or Harpers and Queen, but I did what I truly wanted to do. Maybe I won't ever be the next best selling novelist or famous, but I wouldn't want to be and am happy being 'average'

Actually, to be honest, having said that, you've just reignited my spark to go away and continue writing that novel I started last year.

If you want to write, go for it. A blog, local paper articles, an internship, writing competitions... just start. You'll wonder why you didn't do it sooner. Grin

Uokbing · 19/11/2017 16:42

I could have written your OP, I feel exactly the same, I am total Miss Average. I have friends who have done stuff like marathons and think I will never go for anything like that because I am scared I won't be able yo do it. Pathetic I know.

I am a teacher who is leaving this year, basically due to not being able to hack it and I think this had been really compounding my feelings about being a bit crap at stuff. Never in my whole career as a teacher have I ever really thought, 'yep, I'm good at this'. I have a lovely husband, lovely happy healthy kids and a lovely home, but I still just feel undeserving of any of it.

I blame school assemblies for this. "Everyone has a talent. Everyone is special. Everyone has something they excel at."

YES! I say this to my pupils a lot and every time I do I am hit with a little twinge of sadness that actually no, I dont really excel at anything, there is nothing I would say I am 'good' at, except maybe procrastinating!

God, I sound like sound like such a miserable cow! I am so grateful for the life I have, and am so incredibly lucky in so many ways. Sometimes it would be just be nice to think, 'yeah, this is my thing'.

another20 · 19/11/2017 16:44

My most successful child is my happiest child.
My most successful friend is my happiest friend.

MartysHere · 19/11/2017 16:46

Take small steps.
For example one night a week do a creative writing class.
Add to it gradually. Life is too short to be martyr or live for everyone but yourself.

There should be space for you as well as everyone else.

MiddlingMum · 19/11/2017 16:47

Let's ignore the typo - your writing style is good imo. Easy to read but interesting. I guess I'm not the only one on here thinking that.

I suspect most of us are average a lot of the time, especially when we have small children. The problem is that there are so many shiny adverts, so many perfect family blogs, so much nonsense on Facebook, that it's easy to see how anyone might feel less than adequate.

I have more spare time now, and have some activities I really enjoy and push myself to improve on, but when I had small DC, most days were a sort of low-level survival mission. Clean them, feed them, clean the house, attend to their lives and needs, and largely forget that I had one too.

You are 30. You could easily have your lifetime twice more yet. Plenty of time to do stuff. Can you make a list of tiny goals and see if you can tick any of them off this week? Walk through a nearby park? Have a soak in the bath even if it isn't for ages?

Scelestus · 19/11/2017 16:48

Many years ago in primary school, a classmate told me that “everyone is better at something than someone”. It’s a simple phrase, but it stayed with me, and when I wish I could be as good as average, it’s the phrase I turn to.

I don’t feel ‘good’ at anything; I accept it when people say I am, but I don’t believe it. I can accept that I’m better at that thing than someone else though, and that’s a positive step.

I too love writing. I’ve never had any training except English O level, but would love too.

What I have done, is offer to write for the PTA. I write newsletters, flyers, letters, text messages; whatever is needed. It’s great experience, and I enjoy it. I was already a member, but this is something I can do that I’m better at than someone else.

If you have school age children, maybe this is something you can do to gain confidence.

Like pp, I’ve accepted I’ll never be perfect, and I’m ok with that. What’s left after perfection? I’m happy to keep learning, and keep improving.

If you cast a stranger’s eye over your life, they will not shrug an ‘average’ at you. There will be areas that will be shining out as above average.

By all means focus on your children, but don’t forget you’re a role model to them. Don’t forget to focus on you too Flowers

Headofthehive55 · 19/11/2017 16:54

Good to see you are back portia
I feel much the same.
Did uni but I didn't get a career out if it. My working life has been quite a disappointment. I feel like I'm in the typing pool and never get chosen for anything better.

morningconstitutional2017 · 19/11/2017 16:55

Please don't feel bad about this. Most of us are painfully average and will never set the world alight. Do you have a hobby which you enjoy? You might find that you're really good at sewing, creating a garden or making cakes. We've all got a reason to be here and you're only here once so make the most of it.

CautionTape · 19/11/2017 16:56

OP I reinvented myself in my early thirties as a writer.

Ok I did have a previous successful career but that's not really relevant. What's relevant is that I had never written anything before. I had no evidence whatsoever that I'd be any good at it.

But I just did it. I wrote a novel for fun. I had a job and babies and did it around that.

It's been a lot of years since that first book was published and I'm now a pretty successful novelist/screen writer.

CautionTape · 19/11/2017 17:05

I should also add that I think it's worth waiting to write until you have something to say; for most of us that will preclude our twenties Grin.

Perhaps OP what you have to say is what you've touched on in this thread. is it okay to be average? What happens when you feel you should be more?

barefoofdoctor · 19/11/2017 17:06

I feel exactly the same OP although i'd say i'm below average looks wise, short, can't seem to lose the stone or so I need to to fit in aall my clothes comfortably. No hope of progressing in any way due to chronic pain and illness, no life after 5pm as too exhausted and really put everything into raising my daughter on my own. Hope not to become pushy and ghastly Mother type but am desperate she won't waste her life (untreated mental illness than major illness resulting in disability). It can be so frustrating and make me so angry and upset but there is literally one way things will change for me and that is when i'm being carried out in a box. Sorry OP, not much help but understand exactly where you are coming from.

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